Just telling myself “you don’t have money, you don’t have a yard,” on repeat 😭😭

okay which one of my disabilities is making me feel Like This

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE LAUGH SWEATER WEATHER UNDER THESE CONDITIONS

Coming home to my dog like “hi baby habibi hi baby habibi hi baby habibi hi baby habibi”

God I miss Windows 7

That uber driver sure had my life in his hands

And so I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream at the top of my lungs, I love my dog

Just remembered during the last World Cup my Scottish work bff—completely serious—referred to Yma O Hyd as “the Welsh national anthem” (I did not correct him)

When I was little I thought there were a set number of words in the world and the way different languages worked was that the same words would mean different things (notable example: for like eight years I thought “in a snow chest” was “good night” in Spanish) Anyway, now I have a philology degree

Found a marketplace listing for a white etagere described as “solid cherry” and it almost gave my ex-woodworker father a(nother) heart attack

Things I want to do: eat coffee cake, pet Coleslaw Things I have to do: walking pad, shower, pack for in-person meeting tomorrow

Intellectually I know that z”l is an abbreviation for “zikhrono livrakha” Emotionally, I will never stop pronouncing it “zuul”

Pretty sure my fingernails absorbed all my psychic damage from the last week, bc I haven’t had a single breakdown but every one of my nails broke today.

Did so much damage at the library book sale that I needed to get an uber home lmao

I have never read/watched Little Women and I’ve spent the past 25 years thinking Beth drowned and it turns out she had fucking scarlet fever????

It does not escape my notice that I cannot have the protein (gluten) in carbs (bread) and my sister cannot have the carb (lactose) in protein (dairy)

guess what I didn’t stop singing all last week lol: *points to sister* with my husband *points to brother’s gf* with my boyfriend *strike a pose* with my by myself

Kraft dinner and $5 wine babyyy

Your odds of being stalked by a Coleslaw may be low, but they are never zero

Challah rising, coffee cake in oven, all is right in my world.

It was great to see my whole family and hang out with my siblings and their partners but also the whole last week was extremely stressful (even moreso than I anticipated) and idk how many little treats it’s going to take me to recover.

I was my phlebotomist’s very first hand draw ever today and she did a great job and her coworker and I cheered her on but also how is this not covered in phlebotomy school

Me: *down 11 lbs from 6 months ago* Pulmonologist: Have you talked to your endo about Zepbound? What about seeing a dietician for weight loss?

There is a man having a hissy fit in the waiting room bc due to NO ONE’S FAULT four of the seven labs in the county are closed and there’s a 45-minute wait

Yes I bought Coleslaw the Dunk’s iced coffee dog toy

I made myself an entire cuppy tea before remembering I don’t have any milk 😭😭

Me, petting Coleslaw: at last, my arm is complete

I am HOME, in my own APARTMENT, and in just THREE HOURS I can see my BELOVED COLESLAW

I have another hour and a half on the bus and I’m all napped out :(

(frank n furter voice) i’m going home

happy new year I get to see my dog in a few hours!!!!!!

mashallah we are at the bus station

I am on my plane, inshallah my luggage is where it is supposed to be and everything goes very very smoothly and I make it to the bus station on time.

Okay, if my flight lands on time and my suitcase comes out right away, and if I can find the bus stop quickly, and then manage to get union station without getting lost, I might just make it home before 2.

I have gone thirty-five years without ever being stung by an insect and now I have stepped on a wasps’ nest.

No context: what is cake if not sugar flesh?

I just shoved a eucalyptus bath bomb into my face like I’m not allergic to eucalyptus

Peter Paul & Mary

Really hope I didn’t get sunburned lol

Cats 2019 is literally a perfect movie

I went to the sea!

At the grocery store earlier: Me: that employee looks familiar, do I recognize him? Me: I’ve been gone 17 years, there’s no way I recognize him Employee’s name tag: MY NAME IS [REDACTED], I’VE WORKED HERE 41 YEARS Me: holy shit, I recognize him

At least one of us is having fun

The Midwestern mind cannot comprehend New England streets

I’m in a Market Basket!

Not me pointing out all my old haunts as if my BIL did not also grow up in this town.

Good morning, I made coffee and explained transmaxxing to my new BIL, wedding week is going great

Also guess who found scrap metal* on the sidewalk outside Logan *two brand new washers, but they count

Boston really is my favorite city.

nurture me, beast daddy