David Lynch would have loved jestermooging and looksmaxxing and facegooning

Fine, I took my kids and nannies to have lunch with Humbert Humbert after telling people I find him too French

Greenpeace clipboard kid: I love your pants. Me: I’m sure you say that to all the boys. Greenpeace clipboard kid: But can I ask you a question. Me: Sure. Greenpeace clipboard kid: Whats your favorite planet? Me: Not this one!

I cannot explain to my straight male friends, if you were a gay boy of a certain age, with certain tastes, James Van Der Beek was the hottest man in the world. He was our Cindy Crawford.

James Van Der Beer and Bud Cort have both entered the celebrity death portal

Love the Seahawks, love perfect winter days. Hate crowds, hate parades even more.

It’s kinda cool all the people who said Seattle was nightmare dystopian hellscape hey’d never trod are coming to the big scary city for a sporting victory parade with the Communist mayoress in it

Did the Armenian Genocide actually happen? Asking for the Vice President of the United States

A Wuthering Heights movie? I think its cool they made a movie based on the Kate Bush song

So this is joy

All those kids on the third world getting Super Bowl LX Championship Patriots shirts

OMGSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSSS!

Jason Myers for MVP

So I am learning I gotta take a lot of blood tests

Push it bend it flex it. Things said in a commercial or when two gay men—

Me a 43 year homosexual: is that Lady Gaga

So much twerking

My fellow Americans, it is your patriotic duty to cheer for the Seahawks against the Patriots. Your country needs you

My fellow Americans, it is your patriotic duty to cheer for the Seahawks against the Patriots. Your country needs you

USA 🇺🇸 NUMBER ONE! ⛸️ WE HAVE THE BEST SPINNY TWONKS. I meant twinks.

Can I bet on Kalshi how many times Cris Collinsworth will say Aaron Rodgers tonight?

This Ilia Malinin twink is something else

It was v nice to see Republicans finally grow a vertebra today. Just one, just today

Call me old school but can we just put one Olympic cauldron and only said one Olympic cauldron back in the stadium and nowhere else

Actually, he loved Lee Greenwood. All kids do.

Charlize Theron at the Olympics! Rita Leeds finally made it to the real Olympics!

La fiamma olimpica ora entra nello stadio

Venezuela and the United States marching after each other. I wonder what they talked about

Please welcome Stati Uniti d'America! But not JD Vance who just got booed in Italian

Please welcome, Gran Bretagna! King Charles is represented by the Opening Ceremonies by Princess Anne. I guess Andrew was not available.

Fun fact: Saudi Arabia is famous for its snow

The Andorra lady looks like Kristen Wiig character

The Parade of Nations is the only parade I like or recognize. I like the musical too

Five minutes in & the Opening Ceremonies are gayer than I could imagine. Or Italianer.

The president didnt posted a racist meme, it was a staffer. I guess that's better!

Non vedo l'ora di scoprire per cosa, secondo la destra, dovremmo fingere di indignarci. Si tratta della cerimonia di apertura delle Olimpiadi invernali.

I hope the NBC’s Olympics broadcast shows Piazzale Loreto. It’s an interesting place!

It's kinda wild learning QAnon was kinda right about the Epstein files. It's like discovering dailies from the fake moon landing of Neil Armstrong going hahaha we are faking the moon landing hahahaha! and Buzz Aldrin goes, fuck you Walter Cronkite suck my balls!

My ideal halftime show is Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution

okay but which half people.com/patriots-coa...

Our god-emperor will not be at the Super Bowl as it’s too far away. Also because he’s a pussy

I had a beastly ghastly dream I had to eat a chicken sandwich with cold cuts

The Epstein files are not just about gross rich powerful men but actual children being raped. That is a real harm. And that real people have been slandered and had their lives ruined by false accusations of pedophilia. That too is a harm. It’s not just salaciousness and gossip.

Posting so you don't have to: I don't know who these Grammy nominees/performers are

My autobus smells of marijuana and chickened tenders

Morning Joseph Scarborough from Morning Joe said on Pod Save America said Bill Clinton has Parkinson’s?!?!?!?! Is that speculation or did we share private information

Catherine O'Hara, daughter of Canada and mother to us all, has entered the portal

Will the last Bill of Right please turn off the lights

Oh no, I am not going to have David Brooks to make fun of in the Times anymore!

So you think Armand White is going to love Melania?