Knicks! But only for Spike Lee. And for the Mamdani Derangement Syndrome.

Today only: thank you Spurs. Of course it took Seattle's son to vanquish the Thunder

Enjoy your last weekend of heterosexuality until July, straights

First they came for Martina McBride and I did not speak out—
     Because I don’t listen to country music. [the rest of the poem but with other singers who dropped out of the America250 Concert Festival in his honor] Then no one came for Milli Vanilli, and no one spoke out about that either—.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacks!

Shrey, I'm happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish, but I just gotta say, Ishaan Gupta, spelled one of the toughest words of all time!

Will Colbert’s last guest be the Pope? I dont know but I was right about Maron—

Late spring in Seattle means wearing sandals and a cardigan to go to market

I have been asked to live snark the new papal encyclical announcement and even I have to draw the line somewhere

Eurovision combines two things I love: campy messes and arbitrary rules no one understands

My favorite Eurovision act so far is the gay video game playing tiger (from Greece)

Extremely niche post but: Wes Streeting is a chaos twink (twunk?)

Happy Mother’s Day to all my mothers, moms, Jewish mothers, mother like people, and mothers of my friends who have to hear all my stories and terrible jokes

Even by my petty standards, rich people in Laurelhurst complaining about rotocraft noise from transporting sick and dying kids to Seattle Children’s Hospital for life changing surgery a mile away from their multimillion dollar homes is comically evil

Six hours in front of the House Armed Services Committee and no one thought to ask Pete Hegseth, when did you last have a drink?

America: Release the Epstein files! Also, America: Let go see Michael!

There's a parallel world where Luis Buñuel makes movies about being force fed and being able to come and go as you please

It’s the anniversary of Richard Nixon’s death so as I do every year I am going to get drunk and make some unpopular decisions

Making a biopic about Michael Jackson should be as easy as ABC. The views of Michael are out & they are bad. It’s hardly a thriller. It treats his life as black or white and avoids all controversy of him being an accused smooth criminal. If you will be there I suggest you avoid this film and beat it

Now former Secretary of Labo(u)r Lori Chavez-Deremer has flung herself from a window!

Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe's marriage has entered the nuptial death portal.

The time is 8:01 PM Blaire Daylight Time. The sun has just set its first post-8 PM sunset

When my dad said, son you need to make some friends who will be there with you for life, in the trying and most difficult times, and the great times, guys you can discuss anything with, I dont think he meant buddies who will be there for you to discuss RFK Jr cutting off a raccoon penis

Do you think Werner Herzog gets sick of people saying to him, how dare you doubt me, you moved a ship over a mountain

Local columnist & pain in the ass (and I mean that with the deepest respect) Joel Connelly has entered the Seattle death portal

First Hill weather report: thunder & lightning and singing about my favorite things

It's a slippery slope from feuding with Rosie O'Donnell to attacking the Pope

It’s called Low Sunday because the first autobus was two minutes early, the second (different route) was three minutes early, and the third three minutes late (and I still made it but sat in the corner)

Just because the president is fighting with the Vatican doesn’t mean he Vatishould

114 years ago today someone was like wow this cruise is GREAT

Do you think Leo is down in the catacombs spooling up the centrifuges laffing in Latin?

Well it’s Orthodox Easter. Man, it feels like it comes earlier & earlier every year

It’s called Low Sunday because the first autobus was two minutes early, the second was three minutes early, and the third three minutes late

🗳️🇭🇺 Sok szerencsét, és ne rontsd el, Magyarország! 🇭🇺🗳️

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for MMIWG2SLGBTQQIA+kind

I will miss my moonmen and moonwoman flying about in space these last ten days

I have made many enemies in my life. I have had many more people disagree with me. But I have never pissed off two popes, let alone one.

The pope is justifiably mad at the him and he's unjustifiably mad at the pope so he has no choice but convert to Catholicism, and make himself Pope to fulfill the memes from last year

Taco taco Taco taco taco taco Taco taco

40 Days of Dent? I give up

Helping Iran set up $2 million tariffs for the Strait of Hormuz. That’s capitalism baby!

Like the rising of the sun of in the west as it sets in the east, he will always taco

Somewhere in a nation's capital, We'll Meet Again plays on repeat in the leader's mind

Welcome back everyone who was away for Lent. I have some some amazing gossip—

Jesus Christ has exited and conquered the celebrity death portal. Alleluia.

Off to go quell a minor peasant uprising. I hope nothing goes wrong—!

Jesus of Nazareth has entered the celebrity death portal

There’s a strange green fog/hand outside my window, should I be worried?

Pamela Jo Bondi the now former Attorney General has fallen out of a window!