#cats One of my cats is water. One is a roll of paper towel.

#movies Apartment 7A (2024) is not my usual movie fare, but in my opinion, it’s a decent little horror film and, if nothing else, worth watching just for Dianne Wiest’s impression of Ruth Gordon.

#8647 There’s bloodthirsty and stupid, like Trump. There’s bloodthirsty and sycophantic, like his administration and the vast majority of Republican legislators. Then there’s bloodthirsty and superstitious, like his cult. None of it bodes well for decent people.

#noem Noem out. I’d say this was the Peter Principle in action except that I don’t think she was competent at her previous job either.

#8647 I guess another regret I have is that the sonofabitch can only die once.

I only regret that when the son of a bitch finally dies, I will not have had an opportunity to call him a goddamn stupid child-raping piece of shit to his face.

You know, it’s kind of hard to talk about how the Scrubs reboot is off to a fun start when you’ve got a goddamn stach-raper fascist conman asshole deciding to start an illegal war to distract from his being a goddamn stach-raper fascist conman asshole.

#booksky Another line from my work in progress: She screwed up her face and appeared more puzzled than she would have if she hadn’t screwed up her face. * * * Alas, that book isn't ready yet--but the ones you can find at www.hillsboropublishing.com are.

#8647 I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. There is not one member of this administration who behaves in the way mature, well-adjusted people behave.

#abolishice I know that not all the Gestapo-lovers on my Facebook feed are bots, but I also know that all the bots are Gestapo-lovers.

#8647 “Gosh, I can’t decide if I’m more of an expert on Venezuelan politics or Minnesota childcare!“ — Every other goddamn simpleton on my Facebook feed today

#booksky From my work in progress: "I wasn’t aware of a booming black market for documents from other universes, but maybe I just don’t travel in the right circles." Truly, I amuse myself.

#ChristmasSongs In the meadow, we can build a snowman We’ll pretend that he is Parson Brown He’ll say “are you married?” We’ll say “we don’t need a piece of paper to prove our commitment to each other.“

#ChristmasSongs And there won’t be snow in Africa this Christmas. Except at the top of Mount Kilimanjaro and other places of similar altitude.

#booksky “In the end,” Gooding often said, “one person will own everything and not be punished for it.” Foam basketball Hall of Famer and avowed cynic Don Gooding gets philosophical for a moment in the hilarious novel Fluffball--still only $14.95 and a great gift for the holidays. a.co/d/gK0P3FD

#doordash If I follow the DoorDash navigation app's instructions to the letter, I'd be crashing through more barricades than the Duke boys.

#nokings #trumpisanasshole If Pavlov were alive today, he wouldn't need a dog. He could just observe all the MAGAs posting "Vote for the clean CR" every time a Democratic legislator mentions the shutdown.

#ihateAI Asked Google or Bing or somebody how many way you could arrange four different chess pieces on a chessboard and they put the AI answer up first: 576 ways on a 4x4 chessboard. My next question: "Have you ever seen a chessboard?"

All I wanted to do was listen to some music... open.substack.com/pub/johnmdon...

#nokings #trumpsucks Consider if you will everyone in this administration, from the President to the VP to the Cabinet to the White House staff. Since they've been in office, not one of them has done or said a single thing that would indicate they're normal, well-adjusted human beings. Not one.

#nokings #booksky I'm back after an accidentally long time away--please tell me Blue Sky is still a haven for intelligent people. I'm going to release a primal scream if I see one more Facebook MAGA asswipe pretend not to know what the No Kings protest is for.

#trumpfascistasshole Shout-out to Clem and Zeke, who have never set foot outside their home in Mud Holler but who know what's going on in Chicago better than any resident or the governor of Illinois himself. Thanks for keeping us informed, boys!

#booksky Almost 67,000 words into a new novel with the working title of Ripples in the Catfish Pond. I don't know what you're supposed to do with that information.

There are people who will give you the shirt off their back. But the odds of one of them being in close proximity when you need a shirt are not good.

#booksky I’m signing up to drive for a new service called DashDash. So if anyone needs any punctuation…

#booksky #noir If I had a nickel for every two-bit hoodlum I've put away, I'd have lost twenty cents on each one.

#booksky If you happen to be in Iowa this Saturday, particularly in the Des Moines area and even more specifically in the neighborhood of Beaverdale Books, please stop by and say hi and consider buying a book or two! I'm fun to talk to, I promise--and the new book is pretty funny.

One of the many nice that will happen when the sonofabitch finally dies is that his whole amoral brood becomes irrelevant. Don Jr--the poor man's Billy Carter--will be relegated to the septic tank of history.

#booksky Hey, it's a new Substack essay featuring a faux Bob Newhart take on Ozymandias--which are words that I'm pretty sure have never been used in that order. open.substack.com/pub/johnmdon...

#booksky Ozymandias: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair! Mighty: Ozymandias: Are you looking? You’re not looking. Just look on my works and despair. Or don’t despair, that’s fine too. But would it kill you to look on the works? Jeez, ye mighty think you’re all that.

#trumpsucks Hey, where do the MAGAs hang out? I want to go there, set up a three-card monte stand, and make a fortune.

#booksky Thinking about Steinbeck this morning. If someone came to me and said "How do I write a novel?", I'd give them a copy of The Wayward Bus.

#cats This picture of Mynx was taken last Saturday morning, but I love the fact that it looks like it could have been taken a hundred years ago. Except for the plastic liner barely visible in the vase, I guess.

#lauriemetcalf I've said it before and I'll say it again: In my opinion, Jackie Harris is the greatest sitcom character ever.

I’m not well versed in military protocol. Do you have to follow orders given by an insane person?

Q. What did the theater kid say when the judge sentenced him? A. Thank you, ten to twenty.

#karenread Any channel broaadcasting the Karen Read trial missed a golden opportunity for some extra ad revenue.

My god this is exhausting. I'd love to start my Substack newsletter up again and focus entirely on this administration of criminals and assholes--but by the time I get one paragraph written they do something even more insane! Fortunately, other writers are picking up my slack and then some.

How did this demented old skidmark become the most ignominious villain in US history? He looks like someone forgot to embalm him.

Reporter: Are you the parents of failed human being Stephen Miller? Mrs Miller: No, that’s not us. Sorry. (closing door) Honey, they found us again. We have to move.

It occurred to me recently that the odds of me being struck by lightning are greater than the odds of me ever living in a house with a dumbwaiter.

Helly R says good morning.

#booksky This memoir is written in interview format, which makes it very similar to The Dialogues of Plato except that none of it takes place in a cave and, honestly, it's a lot funnier. a.co/d/1A9KMzj

#booksky Taking a minute off from promoting my own memoir and instead recommending a novel I’m not even finished with: Cahokia Jazz by Francis Spufford. a.co/d/2A43GhB

#trumpcession If anyone wants to see the sort of renewed optimism that would result in a major surge in the stock market (or vice versa), all it would take is putting President Dementia McFelon and his gang behind bars.

#jaketapper #booksky In case you’re looking for a funny book that isn’t a hatchet job on a beloved former president, I humbly offer: a.co/d/6TfYHSF