Fucking surreal that people dressed like this and carrying assault rifles are permitted to kidnap people off our streets

john hamm is the pam anderson of men dial it back, dude

more talk about how the party that used to be super anti-drug is now helmed by teenage mutant ninja edgelords battling krokodil

rfk jr's brain is controlled by worms what's everyone else's excuse? oh, also worms? ok

vegans are gonna feel pretty bitter when we’re all eating weeds and trash out of necessity instead of because we feel bad lol #pwnd

we all agree this system should burn the disagreement is who gets to roast their wieners over the fire

puberty never ends it just evolves

I'll instinctively enjoy it now unironically

my body has reached stage 4 dad: you can now buy me socks and ties as presents

“I’m just not myself without my under-bus time.” -republican wife

Terminator Se7en

“We did an autopsy and he actually pooped so much that he drowned.”

sort of a "be the change" promise to myself

2026 resolution more curses involving "doodoo snakes"

This is dystopian… and not just because they’re dressed like a scene from the handmaids tale. These are mostly children. This is where Liam Ramos is being held. They’re screaming “let us out” and protesting the brutal conditions. These kids are braver than every ICE thug holding them hostages

Abolish ICE is not enough. Stern words for Greg Bovino or Kristi Noem is not enough. We need prosecutions and trials. Anything short of this position fails to address the gravity of this moment.

1/2 GRAPHIC. Minneapolis. Witness video shows multiple CBP officers pinning a man on Nicollet Ave. While he is on the ground, one officer draws his weapon and fires multiple shots at point-blank range. No warning. No visible threat. Federal force, deployed in public.

god: Hey, turn the music down guys! It's my son's guidance counselor. So how's my son's rumspringa goih- jesus, approaching from behind: Hey dad! god: Jesus Christ! What are you doing home???

You don’t know your role yet maybe, but we are all finding out just what we have to offer. In Minneapolis, one man knew immediately what he could offer and said “Bring me your clothing”.

it's kind of awkward that this ISN'T happening

taking bets on "trump bursts like a balloon filled with spiders on live TV"

tbf he was challenged to pick on someone his own size

This is important to us because what’s happening right now in Congress could permanently change protections for a beloved wilderness area. With everything else going on, this quietly moved forward while most people weren’t paying attention and it should concern all of us.

a "Living On The Edge" music video that's just sweaty backlit close-ups of guys almost-but-not cumming

It's surreal to live in a peaceful place (Minnesota) turned overnight into a totalitarian dictatorship by a sociopathic regime bent on destroying liberalism. They wage hostile violence against citizens and immigrants alike. They target our leaders. They lie and vilify. America, pay attention.

angry goose: THREATS OVER WHAT, CHRISTIE

they said he would fix everything then he came in and started unplugging and rubbing feces all over the machines “just wait…” they said

dude dropped a fucking grenade into America's COVID response and people were like "yea give the dumb racist another shot at treason" a nation this dumb deserves what it gets but I feel bad for the rest of the world

introducing: a race of AI robotic snakes that voraciously seek out the warmth of human holes you’re not gonna have time to argue over gender politics or borders while you’re running from metal snakes that want relentlessly to be inside you

chuck schumer overheard mumbling at his soup

*tim robinson yelling* THEY'RE JACKING OFF TO US PEEING INTO BOTTLES, AND THEY'RE SAYING THE SINGING IS MAKING IT 'IMPOSSIBLE TO CUM'???

slow down, America. technology should SERVE man, not the other way around

a reusable toilet condom that you refold and stuff back into your pocket or purse

“so this is what it would have been like if nazis had podcasts and twitter accounts” wondered nobody, ever

“Here’s a prize for not stuffing prizes up your ass. The one thing we need you to not do is-“ *immediately shoves prize up ass*

feels like giving your peace prize to satan’s butt baby nullifies your peace prize

remember when the dixie chicks got cancelled for saying that America isn't perfect and now maga worship a guy who only breaths so he can rob and destroy the country time is a hell of a drug

Transformers 9: Does Anyone Still Think This Is Cool? 2026 Transformers 10: Ok, What About Now? 2032

one option I haven’t heard is that the dickless coward cop could come forward, apologize, and atone insane that it’s not even a consideration maga would sooner off the guy than let him speak #maximaltransparency

I once read about a news story about a woman who threw a tarantula during a fist fight and that gave life to the concept of “tarantularly committed” “micturiciously committed” is now also a quantifiable amount

nobody talks about how fuckable rabbit holes are

if you say “apples to airplanes” or “assholes to oranges” ok let’s discuss pretty sure you guys just suck at rhetoric

“that’s like comparing apples to oranges” ok, apples are nice and meaty whereas oranges are delicious and juicy and they pair splendidly. my did it.

SUPREME RACE COMING THROUGH HANG ON DO I HAVE MY BINKY AND CEREAL OMG WHERE'S BEEBEE

I added captions to this video of people heckling Greg Bovino leaving a Target in Minneapolis, and there's so many people yelling things at him it's like a comedy skit

tfw you shart but you’re at home and it’s your day off 😎

the venn diagram of incels and guys who say “She deserved to be shot in the face” is a closeted circle

I’m glad to be a cat dad because I don’t have to worry about college teaching cats to weld is fucking ridiculously hard though

jared leto is temu jake gyllenhaal

PUSSY HATS > PUSSY MASKS