quit your job and make listening to this album your life now like I did

Wenda is like Wajenny

a bone collector spinoff

dude dressed in the loudest-ass turtleneck and he still gets you

"Where is he?" *throat gets slit*

Waldo but like Barry

"my dead grandpa just skeeted about pete davidson's penis"

a coffin that generates AI memes based on a corpse's decomposing emissions

pass me the shredded anus -I mean- shredded lettuce

*shits a zorb*

crack *ENTHUSIAST*

I told you people lettuces were not to be trusted now look at you all salad shooting your pants

last night I marathoned there will be blood, bronson, and the rock half the people who had sex didn't have as good a time as me specifically all the people who had super gay sex but still

< Crime doesn't pay > No shit dipshit that's why I'm taking the money.

*Jurassic Park streaming data file pops and sizzles like a large caliber machine gun*

I'd say we didn't get to watch them suck the bottom but that isn't true

I think it's interesting that they waited about long enough to scrape/suck a layer of destroyed sealer off of a skyscraper-sized pool bottom before they drained it for "repairs"

less gritty punisher reboot called the pwnisher

lindsey graham died having hetersexual sex getting in on the conspiracy theory game

there should be a "fly" button on mouses that does something that totally destroys a fly's mind that's sitting on the cursor

if you don't have a sparagus then you won't have two spare I guess

search the cats in your heart...

millions of years ago our brains spread out into bodies to become a nervous system now the internet is doing the same thing to the planet so I guess there are cat videos inside me?

mitch mcconnell trying to do a get out right now that's what's up

...mcconnell ...graham ...👀

can't call this timeline boring

"You disrespected me so I'm leaving!" *marries nordic chris brown* -lagertha

it's like cool runnings but the opposite and awful in every way

"They're saying that I killed that guy when really it was him who killed me." -ice

*racist trombone sound*

idea for a restaurant called Fourthmeal open from 1-6am only it’s basically a spigot that dispenses cheesy eggs

sorry buddy we gotta stay up all night until I've changed your mind about this one

AI coding is like trying to explain masturbation to your kid brother and he goes "And then you punch yourself in the dickhead as hard as you can, yeah?" and you're all "WTAF?" and he just casually nods his head and says "You're right never mind"

*points bail of money at republican* OMG HE’S A BUSINESS GOD GIVE HIM MORE MONEY HE MUST BE GOOD WITH IT *points bail of money at democrat* WHY WOULD YOU FUND GAYS EATING BABIES WTF *points bail of money at own face and starts eating it like a candy bar* NOW YOU'LL JUST WANT HANDOUTS

don’t look at the gift horse anywhere it’s extremely self conscious that’s why it’s constantly obfuscating with lavish endowments

ah fuck

don't hate the player hate the guy who says don't hate the player

five years ago good jalapeno kettle chips were few and far between but now they all fuck which is why I know the apocalypse is nigh because greatness like this can't last

you idiots need to learn some BIGGER WORDS because there’s IMPORTANT SHIT trapped behind them

*looks for the soul of humanity*

just got my first AI but I don't know what to feed it the box just says "the soul of humanity hammered into a thin sheet" but I can't find that anywhere

I watch teletubbies for the tasteful nude scenes

conservatives: DEI IS POISON also conservatives: WHY ISN’T DOLF LUNDGREN ALLOWED TO GRADUATE FROM A BROWN GIRLS’ KINDERGARTEN CLASS

M. Night Shyamalan's The Not Happening

I prefer to live outside the moment sometimes I peek in and then do a big frowning head shake and then it's right back to the outside

ever since covid I keep seeing about "uncured pepperoni" that's fucking gross what happened to pigs

I like how the baby in shameless was literally just a baby that grew up a little bit and then they were like "ok now act, asshole"

ok but wait they may have been right 🤔

how do we know there weren't maga natives 250 years ago wearing lil maga headdresses and driving souped up horses with big flags on them

hear me out... fascists