The best reason to wake up early is so you can spend time laying in bed playing with your junk while in that semi-awake lucid state of grogginess while fantasizing about raunchy stuff before you actually need to get up and be productive

Jerk off a kobold once, and you make them cum today Teach a kobold to jerk off, and they'll still bother you about hand jobs because they like blowing their fat load all over your hands, and the shocked look in your eyes from how much they ejaculate is always satisfying to see

Kobold war machine:

"Bird Brained" is a slang term for minions that are mentally subjected and dominated by the Evil Bird Wizard who has been terrorizing the land of Havenville for ages

Dragon 🤝 dire wolf Quadrupedal magical creature that will fuck heros sent to "slay" them Sometimes they even spit roast the same hero together, while making out together

A dire wolf and a beast hunter on a date in a bar, one drinking their ale from a large bowl and the other sipping the straw to a tall fruity drink "Let me hold that for you," offers the hunter. They hold the dire wolf's cocktail between their legs, pointing the straw to the beastfolk with a smirk.

The orc's pussy was tight enough they could lift a service top off the ground by their shaft if they wanted to

Don't you just love being stared at by a wretched ledge fae? Elf on a shelf comm by @badgobbo.bsky.social ! ❄️

Aw wtf, they retrofitted them to farming equipment and have industrialized this so bullshit

I placed 1000 cursed sex toys around this humble village settlement, and you won't believe what happens next

A dragon finishing up a letter with an unconventional wax seal stamp; A kobold wrapped in a rubber sleeve. It holds their legs pointing up against their torso, with their hands folded up over their chest. Only their head and rear end are exposed. The dragon picks them up by their shoulders... (1/2)

Hero x Monster is just the fantasy genera version of Fem x Butch

what if i hand it back to him like this

A reindeer with mistletoe just all over their body cause they're kinda touch starved and could go for a lot of kisses please please pleeeeease 🥺

The main reason I like to sit cross legged is because I'm kinda tall IRL so my legs are never comfortable in most chairs The secondary reason I do it, is I can flex my thigh or glute muscle to squish and stimulate my cock, and it's fun to "subtly" tease myself The thirdary reason is because ADHD

"if you can solve each of these mazes, I'll grant you your freedom," says the Evil Minotaur They pass 3 parchments, and a pencil through your cell The 1st maze was simple, the 2nd took you a few minutes, but the 3rd sent a shiver down your spine It's a simple maze An empty ring with no exits

A minotaur getting a round maze pattern shaved into their fur The sprawling wall outlines cross from their shoulders down to their inner thighs, letting your eyes get lost as you behold them

A Kobold inventor designing a "Fuck Cube" by just welding a bunch of sex toys to an engine

The USA standard of bathroom stalls lacking thorough privacy leads to the anonymity of using a Glory Hole unreliable It really kills the tension of hooking up with "strangers" when you can identify a person by their shoes and maybe even see the top of their head

Dragon: Okay so what I'm about to tell you is very important, so pay attention Kobold: *starts jerking off their flaccid cock* Whats up, Boss? D: *blinks twice* Stop that, this instance. K: But boss! It helps me focus D: *visibly drooling* Its distracting- I've forgotten what I was going to say...

A kobold who has replaced the battery in their 3rd gen kindle for a measly 25$ instead of having to buy a brand new e-reader (They have jail broken it to change the sleep mode graphics to be dragon porn)

Would you rather have 1 kobold or 2 kobold

Obvious thing to make my tf2 spray: Furry porn Genius thing to make my tf2 spray: Screen shots of my terraria builds

Did you know that every time you shuffle a deck of playing cards, you're gonna fuck up on the ruffle and end up with clumps of cards and your uncle is going to give a performative sigh and ask "who taught you how to shuffle a deck of cards? gimmie that."

You will never jerk off alone again, because there are 6-9 kobolds living in your house secretly, and at least 3 other worldly entities you can only perceive while orgasming floating around as well

Absolute Martian Manhunter spoiler: BRO TALK TO YOUR WIFE!!! TALK TO HERRRR!!!!!!!!! BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUST USE YOUR WORDDSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A kobold's ass that is best described as "Cavernous" because if you put your ear to their left butt cheek you'll hear those spooky cave sounds in Minecraft If you put your ear to their right butt cheek you'll hear the terraria underground theme song

POV: You have a piece of bacon and your goth wolf wants it

What's a Stocking stuffer? Isn't that what you call someone who jerks off into a sock???

If I was a pizza delivery driver, and someone tried to pull the "you want a tip?" move where they offer their erect boner, I'd simply use my Size Theft magic to "take their tip" I don't even care much for Size Theft, I'd just be pissed they had no cash

I have GOT to face fuck a busty polar bear while Krampus is pounding them from behind

A polar bear using their fingers to press into the hot, tight, pussy of a snow fox The vixen let's out a muffled yiff, toes curling slightly as the bear plays with them The polar bear gaps their maw, letting their large tongue wave in the open air before leaning down to the fox's lap.

Queers are so bad at hanging up Christmas lights IDK how y'all keep ending up naked and tangled up in them

A frustrated dragon sits at a restaurant, waving over a waiter. "Waiter, what is this kobold doing in my soup?" The waiter glances down at the soup then up to the dragon, "I believe they're doing the backstroke."

"the horns are handle bars, to guide the kobold's head while you fuck their face." - Ghandi

The blowjob wizard is a fraud!!! They don't even know how to do magic They just like to give blowjob while dressed up like a wizard!!!

A Brutish Rutting Minotaur has joined your party!!!

If an evil dragon grabs your face like a wine glass, they're about to monologue about how they've already beaten you If an evil dragon grabs your balls like a wine glass, they're about to monologue about how much they despise you before dragging you by said balls to their bedroom

A pack of Greaser wolves and Greaser rats on opposite sides of an alley, snapping and singing at each other As their combative melody reaches their climax, each gang leader pulls a large switch blade out of their leather jackets, clicks them, and reveals the blades have been replaced with vibrators

A dragon laying down to be eye level with you they don't and to be intimidating, but now you're just getting a closer glimpse at their dagger sized teeth, and rug sized tongue ... Are they wearing perfume? There's a sweet-bitter smell you didn't notice before They're making so much eye contact

10% of all volcanic activity in the Cinderlands is caused by fire-themed dragons having a cataclysmic orgasm The polite dragon's have a habit of posting notice before their multi-day bacchanal, so those interested can join and those not can make preparations

A wooden barrel labeled: "KOBOLD SEX PHERAMONES" It has a metal spout for pouring it out... for some reason... There's a stack of those cheap cone shaped paper cups on top of the barrel... [You're feeling kinda thirsty...]

A dragon and kobold developing a personalized language built purely off the sound of gulking and gagging on each other's cock, so they can still communicate while blowing each other Sometimes they uses these perverse "words" around others as a kind of flirty inside joke, rarely elaborating

Blueskies: would you like to give us access to your phone's contact book so we can connect you to people you know? Me: Absolutely not, never suggest this ever again

A level 0 Kobold with a level 31 pussy

A minotaur, who works security in a parking block. Their white button up shirt is open, pulled past their shoulders leaving their ample chest on display. Their hands are cuffed behind their back. Their Taser is held by one of the street punks who jumped them. They test it, and smirk.

Analog horror? No no no I'm into anal hog whores

A Kobold shoving the entire head of a vibrator wand into the enormous sheath of the chain bound minotaur The brute grunts, letting out a moo muffled by their gag as their cockhead gets stimulated

Does anyone actually do alchoal butt chugging? I feel like it's one of those things people joke about a lot more then it actually happen

Kobold sports have a lot of time outs, because the players keep getting into intimate Rival-Lover or Partner-Lover romances and start coupling in the field it's locker rooms The towel bold is also equipped with a wide selection of intimacy accoutrement. Lubes, rubbers, wands, plugs, ect ect