“is this some sort of brain scanner?” “some sort, yes. in france, it's called a guillotine!”

i don't wait for someone else's permission to be an idol, okay? i'm chasing this hustle because i want to. meanwhile, you're not even woman enough to stand up for your own dreams. i know which one of us i'd rather be.

global warming is real, we're going out pretty soon, shut the fuck up and let me have my chips ahoy

getting full-pieced in an analog horror creepypasta is crazy work

october, thirty-first of friday, in 2011, which doesn't sound right for some reason

i imagine by this point, you've surmised that i'm not really a normal therapist. i'm the universe's therapist, and you're making the world feel some serious health problems, you son of a bitch.

whoops! oooh i slipped and now i'm pregnant

you. literally. saw me. IN THE STAIRWELL!!!

he hasn't spoken to his dad in years, and his mom ran away before he was born.

no, no. can’t you collapse more dramatically? chicks really dig a showy victory, y’know?

my ex-therapist is gonna think twice before he makes fun of my job!!

isn't it time you gave up all hope of ever improving yourself in any way?

and then i had that thought that only blackout drunks and steve urkel can have: did i do that

i’m not “openly” anything and gay doesn’t begin to cover it, no.

die like your father, you pinheaded son of an ice-cream maker!

since i've only had three hours of sleep, i'm gonna go off on a limb here and say that i don't care.

if i seem to be getting smaller, it's because... i'm leaving!

getting full-pieced in an analog horror creepypasta is crazy work

being scared is pointless, it's like trying to ice skate on sausages.

that was a waste of time and energy. apologize to me and physics!

ready to smash heads! ...is that still my job?

-_- that me

jerk chicken, jerk beef, jerk pork. is there any meat this man can't jerk?

every morning i eat breakfast 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse.

now that you boys have holes in your heads, maybe your brains will get more oxygen.

hey cool, a dead guy!

excellent! it's a tin can! oh fuck yeah, is that a TIRE!?

dating site for dumbasses called okstupid

god gave me depression because if my ambitions went unchecked i would’ve bested him in hand-to-hand combat at age 16.

aw, nuts! still breathing. so much for mouth to mouth…

aw, nuts! still breathing. so much for mouth to mouth…

-_- that me

now that you boys have holes in your heads, maybe your brains will get more oxygen.

i'll kick anyone's ass. i'll kick your ass. i'll kick your dog's ass. i'll kick my own ass

and then i had that thought that only blackout drunks and steve urkel can have: did i do that

thanks for offerin' to let me in your clique, guys. but to be honest, i'd rather be a cryin' little pussy than a trashy goth kid.

if coming out is a magic show and gayness is a rabbit out of a hat, i’m one of those never-ending handkerchiefs.

being scared is pointless, it's like trying to ice skate on sausages.

"i'm chaotic, i'm unhinged, i'm messy as heck, i need help, i really do!" it's like, prove it. prove it. go to the psych ward. send me a pic of you with today's newspaper there and then we can talk

what if it isn't bait? what if it truly is my unfiltered dogshit opiniom, huh? what then?

stalling? i'm not stalling! why would i stall? i hate stalling! in fact, here's a list of the things i like better than stalling. root beer, coloring books, bean burritos, first day of spring, second day of spring, third day of spring...

i don't wait for someone else's permission to be an idol, okay? i'm chasing this hustle because i want to. meanwhile, you're not even woman enough to stand up for your own dreams. i know which one of us i'd rather be.

what if it isn't bait? what if it truly is my unfiltered dogshit opiniom, huh? what then?

hey, sexy mama. wanna kill all humans?

this is a bigfoot call, apparently it makes the noise bigfoot makes. i dunno what fuckin sound he makes i bet he goes like "Hello, boys~."

but the beast refuses to die. and so i guess well neither can i.

if we cry together, you will have to quiz me! take responsibility and quiz me on my lips!

"hey, eni-o. what do i want to do with my life?" (That falls beyond the scope of my programming.) "mine too.".

i like you now that you got miserably destroyed by that girl who killed my mother

ready to smash heads! ...is that still my job?