Have I woken up somewhere else because I'm sure I'm in Wales but my usual red and purple bus is now green and has FIRST SOMERSET written all over it ALJVFJLNLSJNLCKSK

Oh fuck it I'm masking up and delivering the fuckin thing to the hospital myself. What they gonna do? ID me at the door?

The annoying thing about me being unwell with /something/ is that the GP won't see me in case I bring something into the office, the hospital won't accept me without a GP referral, and I fell asleep at 3pm yesterday and only woke up like an hour ago.

I'm so right wing I attacked three people on my morning walk for not wearing their poppies then prayed to Farage before phoning into LBC calling the BBC antisemitic woke left wing biased propaganda while criticising my Jewish neighbour

"on the same show, Jon Moxley made history by topping Jericho"

Spotify's smart shuffle does it again. Fuckin BANGER

"American31, cleared to land runway 27. It's a fine runway, huge even. You know, all the other airports, they say to me 'Don why is your runway so good? It makes ours look like a third world country like Europe' and I say 'well it's just the way it is, wait til you see the 26 other runways we have'"

The fun thing about Huel is Huel is the exact noise I make after drinking it.

Listening to Waffly Bollox and the girls are in such a fighty mood that even though they haven't said or done anything to offend me personally I'm gonna fight them.

The salad was available but there was only a three minute window to get some. Should have been at least five.

Turbo and I almost walked out last night when there was no Caesar salad in catering.

RJ got whipped two weeks ago, dropped trou last week and now this week he's making the Forbidden Oreo with Lee and Blake. Next week he'll be asking Jack Perry to pull his hair while he calls him daddy. #NoKinkShamingInAEW #HEY!ew

Then fucking tell us the story instead of vagueposting about it.

It's okay, I have G word privileges

Last year the mosque in town donated £5000 to the council so they actually had a Christmas lights budget. Not a single Anglican church in town donated.

My ex bestie still doesn't understand why I stopped talking to him. Says sorry if he's done anything then follows it up with texts like "there's a bunch of [rhymes with Takis] just joined my work team 😭🔫" and photos of the latest flag he's shagged"

Just think, in a month's time Nixon could have been wrestling in front of a sold out (10 miles short of a) home town crowd and would have gotten a hero's welcome solely because she's AEWs only Welsh talent. There really should be a sign on the talent door of every venue reading "check your egos"

*sigh* Merthyr girls gonna Merthyr

"Ric Flair will be with us" Oh fuck no keep Mr Roofie away please #AEWCollision

Not surprised by the Thekla win. War Games/B&G matches never work when the babyface team has the advantage. #AEWCollision

Has anyone tried defeating Thekla by covering her with a cup and sliding a sheet of paper under her? It works for every other spider I've encountered. #AEWCollision

Stat may have focus but Mercedes has HUNKS so she wins. #AEWCollision

When it comes to thighs, do you prefer Ace Austin's girth or Kyle Fletchers length? #AEWCollision

Ace Austin could squash a watermelon with his thighs and I'd be right there licking up all the juice. I have no shame. Remember, there's no kink shaming in AEW #AEWCollision

Kyle Fletcher is such a heel that he's wearing the Bret Hart colours and The Owen isn't until next year #AEWCollision

PROOOOOTOOOOOSTAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRR #AEWCollision

Snap poll: Who is going to get the face turn? ○ Okada kicks Takeshita out of the DCF, Take turns face ○ Takeshita kicks Okada out of the DCF, Okada turns face #AEWCollision

Why Protokada and not Okroto? #AEWCollision

Kyle Fletcher looks like he should be hosting a series of Gamesmaster #AEWCollision

Allow me to take this brief moment to say Bandido has very quickly become one of my top 5 wrestlers of my life. #AEWCollision

Oh my fuck FTR lost to someone who isn't Edge and Christian. #AEWCollision

Hey AEW the building is full there's no need to use the "hide the empty seats" lighting tonight #AEWCollision

GUN SUP #AEWCollision

Collide with me #AEWCollision

Gunman jones ovah here but I digress

Did you know there's an online "Mamdani watch" form set up so you can report any antisemitism? Did you know anyone can fill in the form? Did you also know there's a script out there that'll copy and past the entirety of the Bee Movie? Make of that information what you will.

A real "shotgun crowd" here. As in, you could fire a shotgun into the stands and not hit a single person.

Don't let Kross' current anti WWE media tour distract you from the fact that he's totally beige in the ring.

@djnrrd.com Gonna have to shelf tomorrows plans, still ill, don't fancy being that far away from my toilet lmao

Day eight of this mystery illness. GP wants a sample... How the shit (literally) am I supposed to collect a sample of what's coming out of me!?

Anyone else think Rockstar is delaying GTA6 so they can beat Duke Nukem Forever and tout that their game "had the longest development time in video game history"?

Anyone else besides Nrrd and myself going to AEW in Cardiff next month? Wanna know if it's worth making friendship bracelets and such

You know when a troll post is about to happen because it begins with "first off I'm a HUGE AEW fan..."

Ticketmaster: "Want a memento? For a $50 convenience fee you can print off and keep your ticket (while stocks last)"

Today marks day number six of shitting my insides out so much that even quilted Andrex toilet roll feels like 50 grit sand paper on my asshole.

Someone must be pulling a rib on us because someone from the council just knocked on our door and handed us a document with our names on it telling us it's a "bird flu action pack for the chickens we're keeping" We're not keeping chickens. We have never kept chickens. The fuck?

The quickest two hours (plus overrun) on television. #AEWDynamite

Sitting on the washing machine and setting it to spin cycle in honour of Timeless Toni Storm #AEWDynamite