Yesterday I bought a black mid-seventies M-65 field jacket and I asked my girlfriend to remove all the patches with her seam ripper because I could not wear it in public with all of this on it

Going out for drinks with my friend The Arbiter from Halo 2 and 3. His girlfriend just broke up with him because he spent all the money her parents gave them for rent on stock in McDonald’s. He thinks McDonalds is about to do something crazy

Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas **BASS BOOSTED**

#boost #mutualaid #mutualaidsky

I want everyone to come back to this post when we get an official Half Life 3 announcement in a couple weeks

how on earth has my car insurance payment dropped this low. surely something is amiss

I love when people say this

Nobody that cares about me would be unprincipled or delusional enough to use AI to try and bring me back from the grave (2031, drunk bus driver runs red light) but if they did I’d hope they would tweak some sliders and give me a voice that doesn’t sound like Daffy Duck narrowly escaped a house fire

I think a lot about the T-1000 telling that guy to get out of the helicopter. It’s like he was too rushed to even bother stabbing him

putting a bigger turbo on this car should not void my warranty. if anything it should extend it because that makes it far more likely I will break the vehicle

Oh it’s so Friday I can fucking taste it

why the hell did they put a Reddit sidekick in Metroid prime 4

I wish I could introduce my two biologically adopted twin sons from different parents Butters and Scrambles to each other but unfortunately one is a warrior without a cause beyond destruction and the other is scared of her own food

there was loose, dirty chatter for a little while about Bobby Odenkirk’s shoot ‘em up murder movie crossing over with John Wick, but I think the real megabones is in JOHN WICK x THE TRANSPORTER

I guess that’s what The Transporter is about. They were like “what if the guy everyone tells to punch it is not only good at “punching it” in the driving sense but also actually super good at regular punching and also kicking?”

Yknow in movies and video games and stuff when somebody jumps in a car and then says “punch it” Who is the cooler guy to be? The guy who says “punch it” or the guy who punches it? Because even though the “punch it” guy is the vocally dominant one in that situation, really it’s up to the other guy

things are pretty bad, master chief. We’re about to get boarded. I need you to come over in this red square and tell me if you want your neck to work like a human being or like the mad catz joystick your uncle used to play Microsoft flight simulator while he was going through his divorce

sorry I’m late. I caught the middle of baywatch rerun and I had to unseal the hushed casket

Most of the song is about believing in yourself and being confident but in the third verse, the Scatman starts uttering frightening prophecies

I can watch this an infinite number of times and never not laugh

Fuck

Alright, it’s settled. Zorak is the hammer, Moltar you suck

This car is having a negative effect on my personality. I know for a fact that before last week I never referred to the left lane as “The Big Dog” lane

Giddy the fuck up

it’s not clocking to you that I’m at Renkol’s house in Brachy Town

Get me Dr. Rick Dagless M.D. *NOW*! Yes, I’ll hold

My WRX’s ludicrous keyless entry fobs use the same battery as the Dreamcast’s ludicrous VMU

I get paid to do two things: Shoot the shit and drop the hammer. And I’m excellent at both

Facebook keeps showing me my old posts and looking back I guess it’s sort of understandable why the corporate people at my old job (many of whom are still Facebook friends) were not keen on promoting me

love that this falls under “frequently asked questions”

I think my dad’s pissed at me about a Facebook post I made but he’s never gonna bring it up because I’m 33 years old and very mean when provoked

it is wild to sit down and watch an eighty three year old movie I was sure could not possibly live up to its reputation and still be impressed with it. Casabonka baby

I genuinely love when work calls me at six in the evening and says “hey I know this is unusual but can you please use your new 150 MPH car to cannonball run three hours downstate to help prevent an ethical catastrophe”

Standing next to my brother during a lull at a funeral and struck up a conversation about the orca that destroys the bridge in the first level of Sonic Adventure. If an orca destroyed a bridge at a beach resort in real life it would be front page news. in Sonic World it’s just business as usual

the only real serious negative impact video games have had on my life is making my dream home a dilapidated trailer on the edge of a desert aircraft graveyard

it is accomplished

Jaylen you are the fucking man

found one with fewer miles

Something nefarious has it hooks in the wind this morning. I do not like it

I started doing way better at parties when I found a way to put more than twelve seconds of space between the phrases “No way! That’s so interesting! Do you enjoy it?” and “Well what’s funny is the ambient soundscape of Deckard’s apartment is actually the medical bay of the Nostromo”

Whenever I struggle in life, I know I can make it thanks to a group of people who will never let me down: the gaming community

America’s love affair with the automobile has completely destroyed my life

BRANDON you SNAKE WHERE is my turbocharged Subaru

Musta been a rough fuckin Tuesday if you’re a guy who stone cold sucks ass

this gentleman appears to be transporting an environmental asset from a Dreamcast game