Hah. So, in time, we've been together all along. How funny.

Why try to kill yourself if you could just kill yourself by not trying. Ah, now that I realised.

I don't want to sleep. Time is too precious so I wasted it on being awake and alive.

More, one more time, just once. Just one more, I promise, and I shall go. More, just one more time, just once. As I told myself so I could keep on living. Just one more time.

I Wonder If I Wonder If I I Wonder If I Wonder I If I Wonder If I Wonder I I If I If Wonder I If Wonder I I Wonder If Wonder If I I I Wonder If If If I I Wonder

Why am I awake? I should go to sleep. Why am I alive? I don't know. Should I be alive? I don't know. I should go to sleep.

getoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheadpleasejustgetoutofmyheadpleasegetoutofmyheadpleasegetoutpleasejustgetoutpelasegetoutofpleasegetoupleasejustgetoutpleasegetouofmyheadgetoutofmyheadgetoutofmyheadpleasepleasepleasepleasegetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout

So I just learned yesterday that the weird feeling I've sometimes been experiencing for a few years, and recently in every single day for the past two months, is called depersonalization and derealization.

Shoujorei . Artist : @Fuyukry0205 . スズミ イチカ #BlueArchive #ブルアカ #ブルーアーカイブ

I can not escape. I can never escape.

I lie down on a cold wooden floor, staring blankly at the white ceiling, then, a blue fish that I bought from a man in the market, weeks ago, is swimming through air into my view.

It's because I'm alive, isn't it.

It's getting harder to breath.

So annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying so annoying

But how can I let myself go? Why can't I just let myself disappear already?

Just in case there's any. Please let me go and don't save me. I am not worthy of saving. I am worthless.

I have an answer for 'What'. But I don't know 'Why'. It's probably the most difficult question to answer.

This is bad. Like, this is the worst feeling ever. Ugh.

I can not breathe properly.

I've coughed up some petals.

Could I even say this is my life? I do not know when I was born. I do not know when I will die. And I do not know how.

Things couldn't stay the same forever. Yet I can't help but wistfully wish for eternity.

Once I realized that I am withering away. And I am walking to the end. I feel fear.

Maybe I don't really hate myself. I just have lots of unidentifiable emotions, so I just put them in the 'self-hate' category. Wow, I hate myself for being like this.

Should I start playing Ash Arms? There's a collab with Marfusha...

I'm drowning.

Today, I've accomplished nothing. Again.

Nevermind, I just remember that I drink coffee in the evening.

I can't stop thinking about Ichisuzu and I can't sleep. I am done for.

It seems like I won't be able to live for long.

Even if everything is meaningless, I still fear of losing it.

Today I understand why we need to forget something to survive.

Is it too much to ask for a happy ending...?

Suzumiya Artist : @krdsan.bsky.social . スズミ #BlueArchive #ブルアカ #ブルーアーカイブ

It's time to make things more difficult for no reason.

Nevermind, I've retrieved it lol.

I'm losing it lol.

It's suffocating.

I want to create something that will make people feel suffocated. Because that's what I'm feeling.

I love Marfusha and Snezhinka....

I can see it. I can't see it. I can see it. I cannot see it. I can see it. I can't cannot can see it. I can't I can't I can't I cannot. But what did I see again?

What is "Justice"? Artist: @maak12.bsky.social . スズミ イチカ #BlueArchive #ブルアカ #ブルーアーカイブ

Suddenly, One Day

A heart filled with so much of mixed emotions that I feel like it's about to burst. It hurts so much that I wish I could just end it myself before it happens.

11/13 Utaha's Birthday Artist: @maak12.bsky.social . ウタハ #BlueArchive #ブルアカ #ブルーアーカイブ

Too many things to do but why I'm doing nothing.

I spend today waiting for tomorrow. I keep waiting without knowing what I'm waiting for. Today, again.

Something is missing, I can feel it. But what is it?