#wincest He lies awake till sunrise, by which time he’s fairly sure Sam’s gonna leave him, and soon. What’s more, he can’t do anything about it, just wait until his life loses meaning. It’s not like he’ll wilt from heartbreak, like some delicate fairy-tale maiden.

we've been having heating issues because of the recent attacks this past week. I’m in winter socks, mittens, two layers of pants and shirts, winter jacket, and winter hat, drinking hot tea, and I’m still cold. send warmth.

this fic is now 1/3 written, still forty more writing days to go, and I'm having so much fun with this story, it's shaping up to be one of the happiest things I've ever written.

❤️Cheers💙 ~14k, season 7 #wincest, explicit, getting together, the monster ships it for Pro-Ship Bang 2025/2026 archiveofourown.org/works/77623546

my most popular wincest fic is the fic that was the happiest to write. my most popular kylux fic is the fic that was the most painful to write. considering that writing wincest is usually painful for me while writing kylux is usually happy times, I have no idea what to think.

the situation with the #WeeklyWritingWinner selection is as follows: these two snippets were written on one and the same day and I can't choose between them (post-15x19 romcom vs. post-8x6 jealous angst)

this project is proving to be more difficult than I thought it'd be because 1) I like everything; 2) I like nothing. maybe will try sharing the weekly winners after all, just to create accountability so I don't give up.

#kylux (talking about Hux's promotion, Mitaka's POV) “Did you want something?” General Hux asks in the end with a barely contained smile. “It must be a mistake,” Sir Ren says, wiping the General’s smile off right away. Kriff, their foreplay is insane.

just made caf shop au Hux shriek the following sentence and cannot wait to share this fic with you: “There will be no hot cocks served in this establishment!”

accidentally spent a couple of hours re-reading my bluesky account and the supportive replies I've received over the past year, and I just wanted to say how grateful I am for you all, for your support, and for every nice word all of you have ever said to me. I cherish them all. <3 <3 <3

writing wincest is getting into a fistfight with every sentence, pummeling each other until we are both exhausted and just want this to end. writing kylux is literally this.

decided that my new year's resolution will be to try and stop being afraid to like my own writing. every writing day, I will find something I like in every bit of writing I do that day, then choose a weekly winner. maybe share it, maybe not, we'll see how it goes.

#wincest “It’s pretty,” Dean says, an offering of he doesn’t exactly know what. “You know who else is pretty?” Sam shoots back and lowers his eyes to look at Dean. “Dude.” Dean can’t help a laugh. “That’s bad even for you.” “Maybe,” Sam agrees, spiteless. “But is it working?”

finishing this year with 415k words written (my previous highest word count was 375k) and over 1.5 mln total words posted on AO3. wincest did something to my brain and I fear it’s not going away.

❤️how can our love go wrong if we start the new year right?💙 ~12k, mid-15x20 #wincest, explicit, getting together, New Year magic archiveofourown.org/works/76775781

yesterday I reached the chapter in The Name of the Rose that introduces the labyrinth, today I wrote 500+ words about Dean leaving the library. a coincidence? I don't even know.

❤️this is where the evening splits in half💙 ~10k, season 3 finale AU #wincest, explicit, established relationship, angst without a happy ending archiveofourown.org/works/76539426

I was recently told by a writer friend that they think dialogue is a strength of mine, but every time I rewatch an episode, I get depressed because I certainly can never write truly in-character dialogue for Sam or Dean or anyone else in the show.

the next fic I have scheduled for posting, I've been sitting on it since August, and it's 10k of what my alpha reader called "very high concentration of porn and all of it has thorns." I'm seldom excited about my fics, but I can't wait to unleash this one on AO3.

#wincest “Normal people hog blankets,” Sam’s saying with more amusement than exasperation. “You steal pillows.” Dean considers the accusation and decides it’s too early to get offended. “Too warm for blankets,” he points out and hugs the pillow under his arm tighter.

I currently have 108 wincest fics in planning, quite a few of them not yet fully outlined, but I’m looking at my notes for them and god, they are dumb but I want to write them. I’ll be supremely embarrassed by them but they want to get out and who am I to deny them life.

got an early Christmas gift from my brother

guess who was editing his 15x20 wincest New Year fic and started bawling his eyes out about the finale? yep, this guy.

my first SPN reverse bang where I got lucky to work with @yoanncrussh.bsky.social and my first attempt at horror that turned into a tender wincest romance anyway. with a little apocalypse thrown into the mix. archiveofourown.org/works/64566442

used POV Second Person for the first time in my post-barn Sam fic and I still think it works for that story, even though I suspect people are scared away by it. (archiveofourown.org/works/689603...)

30 wincest fics, 3 kylux fics, might add one more wincest fic after I finish one of the current WIPs. dunno if I still count as a kyluxer, but I'm not quitting those two evil idiots, they are still dear to my heart.

#wincest Dean is happy that Sam is happy. He’s also fully aware it won’t last long if Dean doesn’t put a leash on himself. Sam’s all soft and cozy above him, and Dean grips the sheet under him so he doesn’t touch, no matter how fucking much he wants to.

❤️The Blood We Share💙 ~15k, season 11 canon divergence #wincest, explicit, Sam gets Mark of Cain, getting together for SPN AU Bang 2025 with art by @yoanncrussh.bsky.social archiveofourown.org/works/758271...

Unity time, also known as sobbing with Sam time

over 400k words written this year (almost all wincest) and still three more weeks to go. my previous highest word count was 375k. I track my stats to monitor my mental health and I can't understand if I should be relieved or checking myself into a mental hospital.

I don't have a word for ficwip's game today, so here's a snippet from my current kylux WIP. it's Mitaka writing an RPF Caf Shop AU about his co-commanders with detailed author's notes about the real lives of those co-commanders. (from the author's notes to Chapter 1.)

I feel like my writing is getting worse and worse (and my AO3 stats kinda reflect that). we have a word for this that roughly means "to wear out/exhaust oneself as a writer" and I wonder if I should just quit before I start getting hate comments (or none at all).

my alpha reader after looking at an excerpt from my new kylux project: this is your regular reminder that you are GREAT at comedy me: *continues to write soul-crushing wincest angst*

#wincest Sam worries Dean’s lips between his teeth, moves up to bite at Dean’s cheeks, tugs on the soft meat just below Dean’s cheekbones. He switches to mouthing at Dean’s neck, leaving marks, as if Dean can take them to Hell, flash them like a paper allowing him to come back.

❤️a piece bigger than the puzzle💙 ~21k, pre-series AU #wincest, explicit, raised apart, John Winchester’s A+ Parenting, Boy King of Hell Sam for SPN Speed Dating Bang with art by Mörökölli archiveofourown.org/works/751376...

the tags for my upcoming kylux project (yes, I have an upcoming kylux project!): Canonverse, Alternate Universe — Coffee Shop, Drama, Fluff, Hard Kylux, Soft Kylux, Double Narrative anyone has any guesses what happens in this one? 😉

got a very sweet comment in Chinese on my mothman!Kylo fic that took me the most effort to write and that ended up being one of my least popular kylux fics lol. (archiveofourown.org/works/48447754)

I should probably note that this happy festive New Year fic starts with post-barn Sam, so, uhhh, the first 900 words are pretty heavy angst so far. I may not have understood my own assignment.

we were under attack last night, and one of the hits was like ten minutes away from us. every time I think I can't get any more terrified, it turns out I can.

they give us this kind of intensity and tell us not to ship them? oh wait, they actually tell us TO ship them, it's fine, everything's fine

need to write exposition during an action scene in WIP 1, a very vaguely outlined part of a case in WIP 2, and a completely unfamiliar setting for an important dialog in WIP 3. I hate myself so much right now.

my mother, who is a die-hard Lucifer stan, has discovered Samifer. I don’t remember when I heard her so happy. (just so you understand the situation, she once told me that “Lucifer loves and protects Sam,” and that was before she realized she could ship them)

I was, once again, researching and outlining while insomniac at five am, and now my short, simple, straightforward New Year wincest joy fic starts with a tail end of a case featuring a possessed fire-breathing traditional Polish bull costume. this is fine.

Dean's face when his brother announces he's going on a date (not with Dean)

I have seven fully outlined plotty/semi-plotty wincest fics and the hardest part is choosing which to write first: witch Dean? temporarily resurrected post-Trials Sam? Purgatory-infected Dean? Mark of Cain Dean? Sam's wife in Heaven? Chuck's new apocalypse? soulless Dean? aaaaaaa

was filling gaps in a post-season 8 AU fic outline while half-asleep at six am, and now I have Cerberus munching on human Crowley. brain. why.

❤️from the rain comes a river💙 ~5k, post-finale #wincest, Heaven, explicit, getting together, I made myself cry again but it’s a happy story for Now It’s Perfect archiveofourown.org/works/74408076

#wincest Dean cuts him off with a swift swipe of his tongue and a tight press of his lips, even though Sam is right. It’s just that, in this world they inhabit, being right is so far from being happy, Dean can’t let Sam fall off that cliff.

I've written several versions of Sam's post-barn life now, but this is the one that made me cry the hardest. if you are in need of more tears this finale anniversary, here's one way to get that.

every time people on SPN discord discuss bad characterization tropes, I’m immediately terrified that I’m doing exactly that, am consumed by shame, and feel a pressing need to delete everything I’ve ever written. every single time.