I watched Fellow Travelers once (1) and now I keep writing Sam as a feet guy. I do not headcanon him as a feet guy. I do not headcanon any kinks for anyone. I do not have kinks myself. I don't know why it's happening. someone needs help, and I don't think it's Sam.

ah, yes, it's randomly crying about the finale hours again (this time because I was looking at the comments on my s08 fic where I foreshadow the finale (no, it was not mentioned in the comments))

wrote a totally random throwaway detail into a sentence and now I have 1k words with this detail featured as a refrain, from a Deep Purple song to a verse from Song of Songs that mention it. gonna pretend it was my intention all along.

#wincest He lunges forward and presses dry lips to Dean’s, and the floor doesn’t open under him. Dean sits still in front of him, making no sound, showing no feelings. His lips are rigid under Sam’s, but his hand is still cradling Sam’s face, and his fingers are warm over Sam’s skin.

people would discuss the fics they love and the premises alone would make me go ew ew ew put it away, and then I’d wonder why I’ll never be a popular writer. because you are boring, prudish, and no fun, Meta, next question.

I decided to watch The Barbarians (1987) because I thought from the poster that it could be Dean's gay awakening, but I did not expect it to be his incest awakening, too. amazing movie. 10 sickos out of 10.

okay, this week’s tarot spread is telling me not to quit writing but let myself have some rest, so I’m taking the weekend completely off from writing and everything related to it, so I can clear my head. thanks everyone for your support, I really appreciate it 💛💛💛

I spend weeks, often months, on outlining and researching. I carefully plan every sentence as I write. I reread my writing all the time looking for things to edit. it’s still nowhere near the writing I read, and I’m tired of it.

I once wrote a series of kylux ficlets based on a list of 50 different kiss prompts. I have now started planning a wincest version. this, of course, is a threat.

finished my "Mitaka writes a kylux RPF Caf Shop AU" fic at 40k and I think this is the best kylux fic I've ever written. it was definitely the most fun one to write out of all my fics across all my fandoms. I don't know if many people will want to read it, but I love it to bits.

❤️the rage of a man💙 ~19k, season 8 #wincest, explicit, established relationship, jealous alpha Sam, tired omega Dean Chapter 1. Losing archiveofourown.org/works/806263...

#wincest “C’mon, zombie Elsa,” Dean mutters, his teeth starting to chatter. “Half-zombie,” Sam corrects him because he can’t go a second without being a huge smartass. Which, okay, annoying but kinda cute.

me choosing titles for my gay incest porn

revisited my outline for the rest of my wincest fantasy coffee shop AU and dear god, I really, really, really misunderstood the assignment. (but I *will* finish writing it because I cannot suffer alone. this is a threat.)

more and more of my wincest outlines warrant the tags Canon-Typical Major Character Death and/or Canon-Typical Suicide. all of them have soft HEA endings. telling myself that I'm just following the spirit of this cursed, emotional meat grinder show.

coming out of my writing meltdown by cranking up the angst in my already angst-filled wincest WIP. Dean surprises Sam at Stanford on Sam's 20th birthday. it does not go as he planned.

came up with a KILLER wincest fic ending, and now I'm neck-deep in mapping Aztec mythology to the SPN world, so I can whip up a long, plot-heavy fic to go before it. plot twist: I'm absolutely atrocious at plotting.

no weekly writing winner this week because I don't know what possessed me to think there could be anything to like in my writing. it sucks. I suck. this was a dumb idea, but then again, what did I expect from myself.

new tarot spread urges me to stop worrying about stats, accept that I’ll never be a popular writer, and take a step back to recalibrate my focus. Metatron reversed especially points to the unattainability of the dream to become a godlike writer. oh well.

/from a #wincest #nsfw scene/ His head swims in a mix of happy hormones and scary hormones, the danger adding spice to the pleasure without fading. The wires in his brain are definitely crossed, but it’s too late to try fixing them.

I always worry that my plots are too dumb, especially my attempts at SPN case fics, but I've just spent 2.5 hours planning a case for a secret project and I?? actually?? like it??? such an odd feeling. might pass when I look at it again tomorrow lol.

I've implemented the change that the cards encouraged, and I've been averaging twice as many words per hour than my standard writing speed. which means. you know. twice more fic. hope that's good news..?

❤️Let’s Go Home💙 ~12k, season 14 #wincest, explicit, getting together, 5+1 things, flashbacks, domesticity Five places Dean has thought of as home and one that actually is. for Dean Winchester Big Bang 2025/2026 with art by Amberdreams! archiveofourown.org/works/80032241

most of the candidates for this week's #WeeklyWritingWinner are spoilers, so have a simple little snippet of Sam and Dean getting together for the umpteenth time. yes, I love describing their first times. yes, I've done it 34 times now. yes, I will do it again.

new tarot spread is telling me to pay more attention to other people while sticking to my boundaries, just as I started worrying that I got too mired in my hermit ways. so, I’ll try to be more active everywhere and see how it goes. cheers, everyone! 💛

the beauty of Sam and Dean is that they will always end up together, no matter how much they fight, how untimely they die, or how long they have to wait for one another. their bond is beyond rules and laws. it's eternal, persevering, all-conquering, and it's the best thing ever.

I absolutely cannot wait to share my Dean Winchester Big Bang fic with you this Sunday, just so you can be blown away by the amazing art my artist did for it. the fic, hopefully, will be fun to read, too.

If the strength of his scent lingering on his clothes is anything to go by, he didn’t exactly have much time to find a place where to hole up. His body must be giving up on him by now, unless, of course, Benny is already there, tending to all Dean’s needs the way Sam, apparently, never could.

two years of writing Wincest: how it started vs how it’s going thanks everyone who's joined me on this ride. it's been a wild one and I would have lost my sanity if not for your support. well, *more* of my sanity.

this week's #WeeklyWritingWinner is just Dean dishing out universal truth, context unnecessary.

new tarot spread: Jody and Death advise me to steadily hone my First Blade wielding skills while not falling victim to Gabriel’s tricks. which means I might have found a way to write faster. wish me perseverance, folks.

incredibly, I have finished my first fic this year, and it’s ~19k of early season 8 omegaverse jealous!Sam emotional torture with a happy ending. which was supposed to be 5k of straightforward porn. but then something went as always. oh well.

it's officially over 50k, and I still have about five scenes left to write (two of which are sex scenes). already my longest wincest fic so far and my fifth longest fic overall. I hope it will be as entertaining to read as it is to write (and writing it has been a *journey*).

I feel like I'm writing as fast as I can, just to hang on to my active WIPs. And if I wish to progress through my list of projects, I must write twice as fast as that. HOW.

my anxiety level: started polishing a Christmas fic outline last night, brainstormed an idea for this year's Now It's Perfect's Heaven fic today. I mean, time flies, Christmas and barniversary are RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER MUST GET READY RIGHT NOW AWAWAWAWA

updated with awesome bonus art!!

realized that it's actually kinda funny that one of my two main OTPs is Kylo Ren and General Hux from the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy and the other is Sam and Dean Winchester who probably hate the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy with a vengeance. oh well.

sat down to write a kylux fic -> put on my kylux playlist -> looked at the lyrics of the first song that came up -> immediately got an idea for a wincest fic brain. stop.

I think the positive feedback I'm getting on my writing is helping dissolve the shame I feel about it. my relationship with writing used to be pure lovehate, but it's much more love than hate now. I'm excited to write. I'm excited to share. thanks y'all, truly. <3 <3 <3

🖤The Spotless Mind🧡 ~3k, #kylux, explicit, hard kylux, no one is nice my entry for the @carefulren.bsky.social #CarefulRenZine archiveofourown.org/works/79087476

did my first ever tarot reading and the cards are very clearly yelling at me what to do about a dilemma I’ve been mulling over for the past two weeks, absolutely love it.

this week’s #WeeklyWritingWinner comes from a post-8x6 wincest WIP with jealous Sam doing his damnedest to make his brother realize Sam’s the only one for him. (can you tell that I’m reading The Name of the Rose right now? yes, you can.)

I’m so used to being an obscure little dude with like one regular reader, it’s very difficult to switch gears and absorb that I now, apparently, have actual *fans*?? me?? a bumbling fandom newbie?? holy shit. eternally grateful. forever honored. always amazed.

#wincest a/b/o “Get out of me.” It’s more than a demand; it’s a manifesto, and Sam’s the opposition, whether he thinks so himself or not. He drops his hands onto the bed, fingers digging into the top cover. “I physically can’t,” he points out, not sure if he’s disappointed by the fact or not.

husband got me an entire gift box with SPN merch (tote bag, notebook, mouse pad, postcards, stickers), and the package was for some reason marked as "fragile." fragile like the mental health of SPN fans, I suppose.

finally put into words what attracts me in omegaverse: it's primarily the disconnect between the body and the mind, which ultimately resolves into harmonization of the two through the power of love. accepting the body and calming the mind just speaks to me as a trans person.

birthday gift from husband! (he suggested creating plots based on readings, so my list of fic projects might start growing even faster lol)

this week's #WeeklyWritingWinner comes from a post-8x6 wincest WIP where jealous Sam rains fury on Dean who is just so fucking tired.

on this day two years ago, I persuaded my husband to finally watch SPN. I went from “I’ll check out destiel and forget about it” to “wincest is my entire life” in less than a week, and I’m still here now. what the fuck is this show.

my kylux friends liking my wincest posts and my wincest friends liking my kylux posts, please know that I see you, I love you, and I'm eternally grateful to you for your unconditional support. <3 <3 <3