Is it kids setting off fireworks?

If I ever go into witness protection, I'll not only have to change my identity but possibly my whole personna. Maybe I'll be a rockabilly guy with a pompadour and sideburns and tattoos of dice. Wear bowling shirts. Take up bowling.

Was dreaming a series of text messages telling a story of kaiju pornography in emoticons when I got an actual text message that woke me. Happy fucking new year.

When I was a child in school there was still a lot of worry around lead in pencils, though it had been switched with graphite some time before. Nobody was ever worried about the students chewing on yellow paint on pencils.

If you missed the listening party, you can still buy the album!

My bank is looking for ways to save operational expenses, which helps my bottom line. For instance, there is no longer a security guard dozing in the doorway.

Met @chuckpalahniuk.bsky.social at a signing. Introduced myself by name and added, "Daytimer, party crasher." He just replied, "Uh, okay..." like none of his readers had ever thought of that before.

How did "refrigerator" end up abbreviated "frij" rather than "reef?"

Salt kills bacteria. Maybe the reason I keep getting throat infections is because I cut all the canned salt out of my diet.

Was on my way to the hottub but there was a large skunk outside my back door, eating the cat food we leave out for the ferals. It trundled away before I could get a photo but it left a powerful calling card behind that is spreading through the whole house. We've got all the vents and filters on.

Listening to The Carpenters' version of the song Sing. I'm not sure what key it starts in, but on the second verse when the children's chorus comes in, it changes to a higher key. I get that the kids may not have been able to sing as deeply as contralto Karen Carpenter...

Where did this come from? I do not remember buying this. I do not remember ever listening to this.

I need a hobby. Maybe I'll start watching soccer. But instead of calling it soccer, I'll refer to it by its proper name, foosball.

When I was young, my school tried to get the children interested in classical music by saying Mozart was playing the rock and roll of his day. If this is true, the parents of his audience were probably saying, "Why do you listen to that noise? Can't you play a nice canticle, or maybe a madrigal?"

And in the darkness bind them.

i hereby trademark the term fauxndue(tm) for non-dairy dipable cheese substitute.

Is there a monument commemorating all the servicepeople and scientists who have died in experiments retroengineering captured extraterrestrial spacecraft?

Goodwife: "Self-care." Me: "Debauchery." Goodwife: "That's self-care!"

One doesn't meet folks named Eppie any more.

My Thursday conference call has been cancelled today but I'm thinking about logging in with this background image and just leaving it there while I'm eating and napping and hottubbing and stuff.

I didn't leave Santa any milk or cookies so he kicked down my fence. I guess I have to start wearing a speedo in the hottub or my neighbors will get a holiday pageant they were not expecting.

No lie, I just started reading the book The Future by @naomialderman.bsky.social and it actually addresses this very issue that I made a dull joke about.

Sisters Of Mercy - Vision Thing (1990)

I witnessed something interesting today and I want to share it in case it can help you. I saw some police talking to a homeless man. The homeless man was naked, and tumescent, so apparently he had been publicly self-pleasuring before someone called the cops on him. 1/x

Why has Windows Media Player suddenly stopped showing me which CDs I'm listening to?

Because school administrators cannot read either.

If I ever get a job as a food courier, I'm going to steal one of those meter maid go carts so I can park anywhere and not get a ticket.

I didn't even read the headline, I immediately flashed back to the Egoiste commercial. Why does my brain waste neurons remembering that?

This is sad. While I've been familiar with his music since the late 80s, it's only in the last 10 years I've really paid attention to his work. I'm sorry I got here late. A great guitarist with a voice like gravel, he was a master craftsman.

Today I learned there is a Bath Spa University and why didn't anyone tell me when I was considering colleges?

Is The Clapper still available? Is there a model eared toward beatniks that works with snapping?

I wonder how long until some AI startup calls its cylon Jeeves because nobody there is old enough to remember.

My cat freaks out when he sees other cats in his house, eben when they are just photos on a bag of food. One would think he would like the hot calico licking her lips. She's a model, after all.

Dreamed Lennon & McCartney would perform in blackface when playing Simon & Garfunkel covers.

If I am liquidating some of my investments and I joke to my stockbroker that I am using the funds for hookers and blow, this is sexual harassment; I realize this and it is forbidden. But what if I am not joking; what if that is my real intent? Is a statement of fact still harassment?

Now that california has outlawed reusable plastic grocery bags that were being used once and sent to the landfill, I will need to safeguard my collection. They are rare and precious.

Dreamed a stranger was singing a song about how it's just as easy to dose a minister as a wretch. This was symbolic of how dogs don't like me.

Had my first naked at work dream just now. About time.

Been watching The Mighty Nein and I have to guess that the cult of the Traveler is probably the fastest growing religion in America right now. I wonder if I'll feel the same way next week.

In Latin, the word "scrotum" is neuter. If it were masculine, it would be "scrotus." If it were feminine, it would be "scrota," except that there is already a feminine word for that: "labia."

I made the mistake of watching TV while eating dinner. I noticed that several commercials had disclaimers at the bottom of the screen saying that the actors were actors.

Client supposedly on vacation, but working remotely, calling me to find, scan, email files. There are no files, I say. You're looking in the wrong place, says client, they are filed under "The."

I thought, "Decline phone call, send to voicemail" meant I was busy at the moment. Apparently, it actually means, "Call me on a different phone."

Car makers need to bring back hood ornaments. Or car owners. We should glue our own ornaments on.

@gibgerard.bsky.social Best banner photo.

I needed to look up "Milwaukee" for the spelling because I cannot remember the last time I wrote it, or even said it. Internet search brought up the tool company before it brought up the city. Priorities.

I saw a young woman using a Milwaukee Tools drill bag as a purse and I support this decision.

My phone log shows that I got a call from an employee last night at 11:12. The call lasted over a minutes. I do not remember any of this. I sleeptalked through an emergency call.

This makes the whole story worth it.