Figured out why I'm going to die alone. Every woman my age is expecting their true love to have eyes the color of the sea... after a storm. And mine are at best the color of a very shallow estuary on a cloudy day

Saw a Canadian flag flying on top of a flag pole, with a "thin blue line" American flag under it today, and I'm unsure what the message is intended to be.

My first act as a 50 year old was to lose my glasses. So, that's cool. If anyone sees them please let me know.

Today I learned that I share a birthday with Linda Ronstadt *and* Diane Kruger.

Never been more glad to not know Adam Carolla.

Has anyone else noticed how much Harry Kane resembles Bevis?

You're against data centers? Really??? You hate kids then!!!!!!

Sam Neil's filmography included The Horse Whisperer(1999) in which his co-stars include Robert Redford, Kristen Scott Thomas, and Scarlett Johansson

Has anyone actually checked to see if we're living in a Heironymus Bosh painting?

Accurate

I bought a nest thermostat like 5 years ago. I stopped using it 2 years ago, disconnected it, put it in a box. Forgotten. I still get monthly emails from nest, my "monthly nest home report", they're super accurate and wildly informative.

Narcissist who loves hearing his own voice will be forcing himself on the nation again on Thursday.

I've built a shed and drive a truck. BRB gonna run for congress real quick.

Grief is an absolute motherfucker. I was hungry and staring in the fridge; I saw deli meat, and cheese and on the counter bread. And I wandered to other parts of the kitchen, only to circle back when I remembered the concept of "sandwich".

Today on The Reddit, I was informed that decades only start with 0 and end with 9. So, that's a thing I know now.

Yes. Yes I fucking am

3 doves on a branch outside Tucson, Arizona.

Fuck you Lindsey graham.

I built a wooden fence 5 months ago, and today was the first measurable rain we've received since then, and it absolutely poured. So now my wooden fence that was essentially dehydrated now sounds like a bowl of rice crispies as it expands because it's never been wet before. #iliveinhell

Can someone further along on the Kinsey scale than me explain to me why all UPS stores are staffed by the absolute most Masc. Lesbians ever? Not complaining, just curious. Thank you.

Those Brits

Beat star trek captain. Wrong answers only.

There's no way captain America of this timeline would be worthy of picking up Mjohnir.

Been seeing a lot of crow content lately. People giving food and shiny stuff to crows in exchange for friendship etc. This begs the question; are the crows domesticating us?

HO LEE FUCK. anyone moving on from platner challenge: impossible.

We are all student 22.

So vice couch enjoyer Vance is saying that illegal immigrants caused housing prices to soar? People so poor they walked 1200 miles just to get a below minimum wage job, and with no banks and no credit, are buying up all the houses? Am i getting that right?

Hate to break up the Platner party, but it's being reported that Mitch McConnell is brain dead.

The us attackers (football not military) should simply stop gently passing the ball to the Belgian defenders.

Im old enough to have played soccer when goalies could only take 7 steps with the ball in their hands.

There's a dude with a neck beard and a pork pie hat in this deli. I came here to eat lunch not have my reddit post moderated in real life.

Also, Mexico no gritas "puto". Do better.

Watching #engmex on the BBC feed because it helps me deny the existence of Alexi Lalas. The announcers are literally breathless.

Happy 4th from my mid sized desert city that hasn't had rain in a month

New moon goofin.

We're doing the red scare again?

Just looking through old pictures from the early 00's and I noticed that somewhere along the line "redeye" has been completely eradicated from photography.

Welcome to middle age. Drink water to stay hydrated so you don't die. Drinking water makes you wake up 5 times a night to pee. Without enough sleep, you die.

For many years this was the only Schism in my life. Apparently the new badass pope is going to change that. youtu.be/qvECYdM-WtY?...

France is really good at soccer. And rugby.

To my trans homies, Im sorry that a significant portion of this country are fucking idiots. I see you. I love you.

Why in the blue fuck would anyone want to do "Birthright tourism" in this shithole country anyway?

Actual picture of American Democracy right now

This fucking dolt. www.reuters.com/world/us/tru...

Had little light arson yesterday, unarsoned it today.

You've ironed your last maiden

Cabo Verde? More like Cabo de tutti Cabos Amiright? #worldcup #grouph

Y'all are really gonna make me have an opinion on the wnba? C. Clark doesn't need the Jordan rules, but the league should probably call fouls on what would be aggravated assault outside the arena.