me at any given point of the day

Can’t believe Miranda Priestly dies at the end 💔

It's the 250th anniversary of America's independence, and the King of England made a trip here, addressed our Congress, and lectured them about checks on executive power. Pour one out for historians, satirists, and the founders.

Golf was invented so people would know how big hail was

If both the Pope and the King of England are telling you to get your shit together, you need to get your shit together.

A British king named Charles lecturing the Americans about checks on executive power. Pour one out for the historians and satirists.

The coolest part of being alive in 2026 is how everything is like $1,000 dollars

Dr Bronner, visibly drunk: and tell ‘em you can brush your teeth with it

I should be allowed to connect to the mycelium network

My five year plan is to see how it goes

Venison meatballs over spaghetti on the patio tonight. Only about 10-15lbs of venison left in the freezer. 6ish months until I can get more - guess I’ll be fishing this summer to get us through. Trying to mostly survive off game meat is fun when the grocery still exists

It’s always “support queer owned businesses” until it comes to Palantir apparently 😒

I don’t wanna hear about how much water AI uses if you’re a bottom

I remember when the Strait of Hormuz and Walmart used to be opened 24 hours

I remember when the Strait of Hormuz and Walmart used to be opened 24 hours

Beautiful night to spend on the patio. Put together some sliders made with beef from the farm we hunt. Fries, a good pickle, and Ale-8 Pawpaw (and vodka) on the side.

Touching grass is not enough I need to connect to the mycelium network

“But shall this crazed old man be tamely suffered to drag a whole ship’s company down to doom with him?”

“But shall this crazed old man be tamely suffered to drag a whole ship’s company down to doom with him?”

I’m so moonpilled. I’m lunarmaxxing.

Apollo 8 had Earthrise Artemis II had Earthset (and a total solar eclipse)

I’ve seen enough. I need the entire budget devoted to NASA.

Trump trying to find more money for war in Iran

We’ve come a long way

What if Pam Bondi’s husband has even bigger tits

nasa employee: oh hey u guys are back early astronaut: moon's haunted nasa employee: what? astronaut: *loading a pistol and getting back on the rocket-ship* moon's haunted

American soldiers are probably going boots on the ground. The Strait of Hormuz remains closed. Gas is over $4 a gallon. And he has no plan.

What the hell was that rambling, shitshow of a presidential address?! I went from watching the Artemis II launch and felt proud to be an American. Then…there’s fuckin’ Donald Trump.

kristi noem’s husband wanted to be a cock destroyer so bad

You're laughing? Kristi Noem just got brutally chestmogged by her husband and you're laughing?

Such a beautiful time around Gay Gardens. Very excited to see the ramps and pawpaw doing so well.

Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure? Me: I can do the Bowie part, but I don't have the upper range to sing the Freddie part.

When I dunk my cookies in milk I think of you and hold them under until the bubbles stop

When I dunk my cookies in milk I think of you and hold them under until the bubbles stop

Celebrated this summer day in March by sitting outside, reading the entirety of Pappyland (fantastic), and getting an accidental but solid sunburn. Finished the day by grilling some chicken and putting together a salad (strawberries, blueberries, Gruyère, poppyseed dressing). Chilled rosé.

Beautiful Saturdays are meant for bourbon, pipes, and books on the patio. With the occasional break for fetch.

I’ll ask an ouija board before I ask ChatGPT

I’ll ask an ouija board before I ask ChatGPT

Right now, Kristi Noem is at home, depressed, eating ice cream, and watching the ending of “Old Yeller” over and over again to try to cheer herself up.

Before I pay anymore bills, I need to know what Iran is tryna do next

How do I get my tariff refund $$$? There's a baby monkey in Japan I gotta go save.

"the visor is cracked. my fingers feel like wood"

Woke is back and so is peak Game of Thrones. Makes you think

Hit up the Danville Raccoon Dinner tonight. A tradition for 83 years and absolutely delicious.

Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes

I kinda miss the biweekly “Joe Biden’s dog has savagely mauled another secret service agent” press release.

Capitalism was a horrendous mistake