I never really had it that bad did I? Yet I remember the feeling. I remember containing my tears in class every day. Failing often. But I never did try it. Why am I normal now? How did I become so ordinary? It's disgusting.

Hidden

Imagine living in Hidamari Sketch. It would be so happy. Except I'd probably ruin it with my unhappy nature. Anyways, watching this kind of show is strangely calming but also incredibly depressing for the thought of never being able to experience such a life.

Eternal

Why did I have to be the one to get diabetes? Fuck you, world.

It somewhat often happens that I start to install a game I feel quite excited to play, and then when it is installed I completely lose interest and leave it there for quite some time until I either start playing it without much motivation or just uninstall it.

You don't know what pain is until it starts really freaking hurting when you go to the toilet (to poop)

A question for my fellow oomfs of culture: Round glasses or rectangle glasses?

Yum Yum

School is the most cruel place in human society.

Non-sexual nudity VS sexual not-nudity.

Mind is not at rest. Rarely is, if ever.

Being able to let go is such an important skill. Another of the many I am not great at.

おはようございます！

Feeling useless. And hungry, but I feel gross I don't want to eat. I want to get hrt, and nice clothes, and confidence, and I want to be actually good at programming and drawing and 3d modeling. I which I could do music too but that one... I think I never will.

Ok ima not check that site until tomorrow on my way to class, and then I will check only once.

I'm good enough to be able to still enjoy some things, yet miserable enough to taint it by always having that voice in my head constantly questioning about my self worth and existence, but tame enough for me not to be a physical danger to myself, not anymore.

Is it really normal to reach your friends to talk about stuff and all that? All I really do to vent is post over here where no one sees it. I don't think I ever got that kind of relation, guess it is very complicated to me to really make meaningful friends.

It didn't work.

Well, two weeks after launch, today and yesterday have been a total of 0 people downloading my game. 178 downloads and 4 payments for 23 dollars total. I don't expect to get much more downloads anytime soon as it has stagnated but I guess what I did get is better than what I should have expected.

What really sucks is the need to seem very confident about myself to be able to progress in stuff. If I was good, I would never need help in stuff, but I suck, so I need to make myself look like I don't.

Diabetes really does take away so much of the little fucking joy in life.

I do not want to work on anything.

Note: change work to job.

I'm kind of just sad for not very specific reasons.

I released a game! Try it out! It's free! mayuuri1024.itch.io/naishitai-th...

Overall I'm just full of just fear and envy and I fucking hate it.

I have so much fear that IF I end up doing all the ideas I have on my head by the time I do those ideas won't be at all original.

drink

I am not inferior I am different. I am not inferior I am different. I am not inferior I am different. I am not inferior I am different. I am not inferior I am different.

These last days haven't been so jolly and can't put the blame on anything else than myself.

I'm so useless.

In the end, I get really mad when I see people showcasing traits that I see and dislike in myself. I try to hide this stuff as much as I can and some people that show these traits shamelessly just make me sick because of how much I hate myself.

Ofc it feels good seeing naked women sometimes but really deep down I often feel a really big discomfort due to gender dysphoria. I really am just super fucking envious and I hate it. And a coward, too. Unable to come out and change my way of looking and ask for hrt even though I already came out.

I just wish to get hurt.

That which makes my life make sense also hurts me so much somehow. I don't even know what I want anymore. Really nothing can actually make me happy.

Struggling to find joy in anything.

I hate myself a lot. Or rather, I hate myself at varying levels depending on the time.

Chroma corps

I think I'm going to try to swear as little as possible. I want to seem more friendly.

Feeling existential.

I've been so upset these last days for no particular reason.

Went to dad's home to visit my grandma that is recovering from a stroke. Cooked some noodles with a nice sauce with some help of my grandpa and had some fun doing so. Everyone liked the sauce a lot.

funeralkawa gachapon

#GirlsLastTour #少女終末旅行