Four Years 2021: "Let us all honor the Essential Workers." 2025: "Let us kidnap, torment & imprison Essential Workers."

My Method I don't write poems – I implement them.

Tuesday My nose itched, so I rubbed it. Not scratched it, rubbed it.

The fact that Trump had condoms made that say: “I’M HUUUUGE!” proves he has a small penis.

Secret I write secret poems I show no one.

My roommate is a tall, silent spider plant.

Freudian Question Are all of Trump's problems ultimately sexual?

Hyphenated Haiku S-p-r-i-n-g r-a-i-n l-e-a-k-i-n-g t-h-r-o-u-g-h t-h-e r-o-o-f d-r-i-p-p-i-n-g f-r-o-m t-h-e w-a-s-p-s' n-e-s-t. [Original by Basho.]

I share my birthday with approximately 1/365th of the people on earth (and even more animals!).

Cheese Explanation I bought you a cheese out of guilt. That’s my cheese explanation.

Suggestion Why don't you write a poem today? I'm taking the day off.

Maybe we have it backwards: Adam and Eve ate a fig, and covered themselves with apple leaves.

I don’t neede goddamn spellcheck.

If they're going to call us the "Democrat" Party, we should call them the "Republi" Party – we can drop suffixes as well as they can!

Dictators can’t retire, so they all end up old, senile, paranoid.

Trump In Decline There’s nothing worse than a sad dictator.

A new category must be created for Elon Musk: incels who get laid a lot.

Why did Trump campaign about the Epstein files – and put Pam Bondi and Kash Patel in positions of power – if he knew he was all over the files? Because unconsciously, Trump wants to be caught. Deep down, every criminal – even our president – desires to be punished.

People in cold climates tend to be agnostics. Norwegians think: "If there's a God, why am I freezing to death?" People in warm climates are Believers. Hawaiians think: "If there ISN'T a God, why are mangoes falling out of the tree into my mouth?"

Socialism works until capitalists find a way to subvert it. There’s a similar relationship between locks and burglars.

Aaron Judge is such a serious Christian, he never steals bases.

Triumph This: poem, has (?) every; punctuation! mark.

Sad Truth Even if you sit on a gold toilet, your shit stinks.

Being a liberal justice on the Supreme Court is like being a… prisoner in Guantánamo.

24% of everything I say later regret.

Won’t ICE eventually kidnap a celebrity?

Paradox Is it a paradox to use the Internet to tell people: “Get off the Internet!”? Yes. But that’s what I’m doing.

Art Project No. 72 Walk through the Museum of Modern Art with a shopping cart. Try to steal a fire extinguisher.

No one voted for this. No one voted for men with dirty hearts and no faces to racist-grab people on the street – or out of COURTHOUSES – and send them off for a day, a week, forever – to a concentration camp built in a swamp. No one voted to nullify our national laws.

Billionaire Bulimia Billionaires want more of your money. They feel poor, the way a bulimic person thinks they’re fat. Billionaires have money dysmorphia.

The problem with a government shutdown: Trump don't give a shit if there's a government.

No one in a Volkswagen ever had road rage.

Painting & Writing Painting is 37,600 years older than writing.

I know this sounds unlikely, but the leader of the Revolution will be… Marjorie Taylor Greene! #Trump #Marjorie

Finally, Trump is doing to the White House what he’s been doing to the U.S. Constitution.

Business Plan When I get rich I’ll buy a giant penny 12 feet high.

My dog isn't just a therapy dog; she's an actual therapist.

New Leftist Slogan Love > Shit

Question If this is a poem, isn’t EVERYTHING a poem?

No Kings 7 millions around the globe fighting MAGA shitnose crime chaos.

Piano of History The piano of history is silent. Who will play the piano of history?

Prophecy Trump will eventually legalize pedophilia.

A doll is a puppet without strings.

If it turns out government agents shot Charlie Kirk, does he still get a national holiday? Just wonderin’.

Trump made a big mistake sending troops into Portland. AMERICANS DON'T LIKE SEEING WHITE PEOPLE GETTING BEATEN UP.

You know your Empire is in decline when two presidents in a row have dementia.

The Wisdom of Pete Hegseth Throw away your drones, says Pete. From now on we’re fighting hand-to-hand!

Without bagels, I could never understand cream cheese.

At night my guitar becomes a cello.