[ holly. ] also fun fact i've kinda been leaning towards projecting my personal memory issues onto mary. we'll see

Back in the day, as a kid, I couldn't fathom how I'd live a life before I killed the lights.

[ holly. ] in unrelated news. thinking about sophmary again

You have won the game thrice. You are still here.

[ holly. ] sitting here knowing a possible account is calling me like the green goblin mask but also knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that i don't really think i can handle making the fact that i was ever a part of that fandom public and also just that i think i'd be shot on sight. but i miss her

So stay a while, and sit with me.

i used to be afraid of getting bad grades. i used to be afraid of not looking pretty enough. i used to be afraid of disappointing people. i used to be afraid of death. but now i'm afraid of forever.

[ staring off into the distance, fucking Haunted. like. tears in her eyes, dead silent. this is probably the most emotion literally anyone has seen out of her since her little workplace accident. and maybe a little longer than that. actual thousand yard stare. ]

" . . . " [ Yet again, just. Staring out into nothing, out into the stars like she's trying to figure something out. ] " (..i barely even remember her face.) "

[ holly. ] OF ALL THE THINGS TO SEE AFTER I HAD MY TRANSFEM KARKAT SHOT OUT BACK . FUCK

Are you still there? Are you still you?

[ <= would insist she would've said this on the clock. she wouldn't've. ]

[ ... ..oh. shit. uh. ] ..yeah. it's a new record, i think. ..for me.

... [ slow blink. ] ..it's impressive, i know .

iisn't it no ember [ <= presumably just pried herself off the floor ]

No nightmares.. other than me.

I stared down at my filthy, bloodied hands and I couldn't stop crying. And crying. And crying.

It's not like it'll kill me. It makes me feel alive.

[ holly. ] staring over my shoulder

We gotta get you working overtime! No second guessing when 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦'𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦!

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Drop it.

So dance, fucker, dance! Man, I never had a chance!

Listlessly, you lie there, remembering the many deaths which dance through your mind like dust motes. You have died so, so many times you can hardly keep track of them.

... What I am about to do has not been approved by the Vatican.

I look away for a second, and a year's gone by.. and I realize how long I've been alive.

𝘕𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦'𝘴 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘭, 𝘯𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯..

Feels too heavy, but they're too light to 𝙠𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝘮𝘦-

And yet I find, repeating in my head... if I can't be my own, I'd feel better dead.

Look, you wake up one day and your legs, they just give, and you just can't run anymore.

[ holly. ] idly rereading stuff and i'm still pretty happy with the concept of candy's adventure tbh

It's the end of the week and I'm tired, a heavy burden of thoughts that got me feeling low. At this point, I just wanna retire.. But if I'm gonna go out, I'll put on a show.

I'm unwanted. And unwanted memories become nightmares. They'll keep coming back. They'll stop you from ever remembering. But I have a solution!

This is NOT okay. You and I need to have a little talk next week, okay? Bye.

[ holly. ] mama's yet again getting blasted with "i REALLY want to give her a display name and pfp not related to her job" but yet again at the point she's at i feel like dehumanizing her and reducing her to nothing BUT candy's (and by proxy the theater) WORKSSSS AUGHHH

@bunnyfcrm.bsky.social @e08jenny.bsky.social

This is not an expedition, this is not a cry for help.

Does my pen only write bitter words for those who are dear to me? Is it love if I take you, or is it love if I set you free?

...I wish I could feel like that sometimes. Jealous. It'd mean I'd have a connection I really care about. Like... you and I! ...We're close, aren't we?

[ holly. ] staring at this one. thinking about the idea of herself that mary's built up in her head from talking to marylin.

Hey. Stop thinking about that. You're doing that too much lately. It's getting dangerous.

No friends. No brothers. No fathers. No mothers. Just me.

I am so very tired...

Is anyone there? Don't leave me. Help, I'm lost.

Cuz you break, from so little..

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. Drop it.

Back in the day, as a kid, I couldn't fathom how I'd live a life before I killed the lights.

You don't GET to walk away from what you've DONE to me. You've RUINED MY LIFE. And now,I'll make you sure you'll NEVER be able to SLEEP AGAIN.

i'll take any affection as long as it means i'm being hurt