President Donald Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Trump

Shots overheard at Correspondents’ Assn. dinner, Secret Service says that president’s ear is unharmed and with loved ones. Suspect in custody, K. McAllister of Winnetka, Il., reportedly armed with a shovel and paint bucket.

No Bad Stuf Ordinarily, I’d do a little copy editing before heading out, but maybe pitching it at Trump’s reading level will get through? #nokings

CALM DOWN. Did Trump just assassinate a sitting head of state? Yep. Wouldn’t that legitimize foreign powers doing the same to him? No! Following the airstrikes, Trump strategically deployed “no tag-backs,” as well as invoking, “I have a forcefield” and “not it not it not it.” 4D CHESS.

Full patriot mode at the Northridge No Kings

At the Northridge No Kings protest. Kid made his own sign. Despite being in full agreement with the sentiment, for a number of reasons we asked that he redact the f-bombs.

“We will never waver in safeguarding the right to religious liberty, upholding the dignity of life, and protecting God in our public square.” -some orange dipshit, earlier this year

Real talk? GWAR *not* disemboweling a sitting president is waaaaaaay more of an insult. Also, this is my first time hearing about Libs of TikTok - who, I guess, makes a living doing this? Is there a term for people who are career trolls? Rage engineers? Vex workers? Post-itutes?

Foolproof way for Israel to get everyone’s mind off of all that genocide: Host a Wrestlemania! They could replace the steel cage with an Iron Dome, they could have a Money in the West Bank match. What fun! Now, is $250 million a lot to pay WWE to whitewash war crimes? Dunno - ask Saudi Arabia.

Dang. Homie's lost it.

Question for the parents: Is it considered child abuse to cancel Disney Plus? Because they just pulled Kimmel off the air indefinitely for saying some real innocuous shit.

It’s appalling that the gang warfare of these white savages has spilled over into polite society. If these ignorant children want to keep killing each other, they should go back to the Caucasus mountains where they came from.

This white-on-white violence is out of control. Remember when we could go to go to school without the fear of being caught in the crossfire of a Turning Point/Groyper shooting? Why aren’t the police doing more about these out of control gangs?

Charlie Kirk didn't die because of the bullet. He died largely because of a drug overdose.

THINGS RFK JR. BELIEVES CAUSE AUTISM Vaccines Aspirin Voting for Democrats Scary movies Crossing your legs Cardboard boxes Scary Movie Being an “uppity bitch just because someone says you have a nice ass” Washing your hands Scary Movie 3 Alligators Crying (men only) Not crying (women only)

Do you think rappers who are in the closet about loving cops have, like, a secret code? Do they call themselves Friends of O’Malley? Do they have to come out to their grandparents and explain why the cop that sicced dogs on them in the ‘60s were decent people, actually?

HOLY SHIT this episode of Strange New Worlds is like if ‘80s SNL did a 60-minute sketch about autistic people. I know posting opinions about Trek online is kind of like driving a coal-burning Cybertruck through a living room full of orphans, but gottDAMN I haven’t seen an ep this bad in years.

Me, when I see someone NOT wearing a Hawaiian shirt at this Weird Al concert:

Honestly, this won’t affect my life in the least. If ever there were a restaurant giving “We Would Bring Back Slavery if We Could,” it’s fucking Cracker Barrel.

TIL the first renaissance faire took place on Vineland near Ventura. The land is now a building full of $2000 studios next to a Ralphs. I can’t imagine anything more Los Angeles than that.

Old and Busted: watching The Sandman on Netflix and comparing it to the books The Nü Hottness: watching The Sandman on Netflix and comparing it to the weird shit we now know about Neil Gaiman Biographical criticism is the Gossip Girl of literary academia and I love it.

CBS fires Colbert and, two days later, they get their merger. I would’ve waited at least a week so it wasn’t as obvious that this was a straight up bribe - but I guess that’s why I’m not a convicted felon. www.pbs.org/newshour/eco...

He should probably quit while he’s ahead

Merry 4th everyone! I’m celebrating my independence from Knowing Is Half the Podcast* by guesting on another podcast! Have a listen! _________ * I will resume my co-dependent 9-year relationship with KIHTP after the three-day weekend

Four score and 28 months ago (9 years), us fathers (and a mother) brought forth, on this continent, a new podcast, conceived in inebriety, and dedicated to the proposition that all cartoons are created equal. Which doesn’t explain why some of them are so gawdawful, but you gotta start somewhere.

OMG after fully not being able handle rewatching Battlestar Galactica for years now, we finally started the miniseries and there’s a scene where Helo calls Gaius Baltar one of the greatest scientific minds of the colonies AND HOLY SHIT HE’S 100% ELON MUSK. Ron Moore fucking knew. HE KNEW.

Bin Laden had intel that the US was days away from developing photon torpedo tech in the WTC … but y’all ain’t ready for how nuanced *my* take is.

Watching Bourdain on Iran (Parts Unknown S4e6 on Max) and what surprises aren’t the differences, but the similarities. Repressive religion, roving gangs of plainclothes militias, people being disappeared. Is Trump bombing Iran because he’s afraid of Israel or just jealous of Iran’s police state?

“Congratulations! You are being rescued. Please do not resist.”

Vetoing an unprovoked political assassination by a client state is the LOWEST bar an American president has had to clear in the history of our nation and it still sounds like bro had to be dragged kicking and screaming over it.

Posting from Los Angeles on June 14, 2025 to demonstrate my affinity for animal husbandry AND NO OTHER REASON

TIRED: Winning 35 Grammys WIRED: Being so good, the Grammys are forced to make another Grammy because you won their racist Grammy

Coincidentally, our 7-year old just became interested in Steven Universe, so we're all in for a rewatch. This episode came up and it's shockingly relevant to what's happening in Los Angeles right now. We will win because all they have is hate and we are made of love.

Hey - remember when the LAPD Chief McDonnell said they wouldn’t be supporting ICE and you could trust them? Remember when they said that all the way back in … yesterday?

For all the lefties waiting for the part of fascism where they start putting people on trains - mass deportation is putting people on trains. If you’re not fighting Nazis now, then you are one.

Boy - calling out the National Guard to quell protests never ended poorly and I KENT STATE that clearly enough.

Big Luigi energy

Welp … this’ll be a fun civil war.

Along with Chris Claremont, Peter David is one of the twin pillars of my comics upbringing - a master writer across multiple disciplines. He’s dead now after being kicked off of Medicaid. Make of that what you will.

Went to go see Minecraft. It was preceded by the foulest collection of movie previews I’ve ever seen in my life. TRAILER 1: Some kids’ movie trying to show how much cooler Jesus Christ is than what all the youths think is cool now: King Arthur.

Marching for a special interest group that has been getting a lot of attention lately! #HandsOff

¡Volemos! #acfc

Kim’s Convenience + Bottle Rocket + Breaking Bad = Deli Boys on Hulu/Disney+ Also, the entirety of Never Have I Ever, I just wanted the show to follow the mom. Did I know I also wanted her to be a vicious mob boss? No, no I did not. But this show thankfully clued me in.

Can someone at Max explain to me - like I’m a complete goddamn idiot, apparently - why The Penguin is the top title of their celebration of Women’s History Month? Is there something about this show I’m missing? Does Colin Farrell lay an egg in episode 2 or some shit?

Dismantle the Department of Defense and hand over military concerns to the states. IF IT WORKS FOR TEACHERS, IT’S GOOD ENOUGH FOR SOLDIERS.