me af

r u mad at us

if you cook jigglypuff is that pork

she has a knife!

guy who came up with emergency alerts: we should make the phones shriek when there's a life threatening emergency. i'm talkin' tornadoes. earthquakes. hurricanes. tsunamis. wildfire. volcanic eruptions. landslides - what else? dave in the back: missing elderly folks

don’t worry everyone i am yelling at god he knows we are mad

33 years old, reflecting on my youth with horror,

my toxic trait is when someone posts a photo with the caption “felt cute might delete later” i always comment “delete now”

gonna buy a yo-yo and get really good at it so i can travel to every school across the country performing yo-yo tricks onstage in their auditoriums as a thinly veiled way to indoctrinate the youth with the word of christ

don't move to LA unless you've visited during the month of june to make sure the jacarandas aren't poisonous to your little bitch baby body

reflecting on my life with horror, realizing i have become the very thing i once feared: the neighbor who scream sneezes by their open window

two angels

uh oh, mama sprained her ankle this weekend :-]

you know how people are like “i always wished I could eat the pizza from the goofy movie” or like, the creme de la creme from aristocats? well mine’s the metal from the leg braces that fall off when forrest gump starts running. what vitamin deficiency is that

i think all my problems would probably disappear if i owned a pair of bitchy little sunglasses

wh*t the fuck

don't you dare judge me until you've walked a mile in my Strappy Stiletto Heels Square Open Toe Heeled Sandals For Wedding Bridal Prom Party Evening Funeral Dress Shoes For Women Comfortable Sexy Dressy Cute Ankle Strap Zip Up Strappy Slingbacks (orange)

just purchased a gun off of temu

the new pope should have been daniel radcliffe. no clue if he's catholic but i know that little man loves doing weird shit

i can’t believe they took away the curly cords on phones. “but natalie,” you DARE to challenge, “technology evolves!” okay??? you took away my fidget rope. now what am i supposed to finger fuck while the person on the other end drones on about their dipshit day????

my therapist cancelled on me today. time for mama to do something reckless and unwise that unnecessarily complicates her life for the next 6-12 years 😎

just got the worst phone call of my life. i'm no longer allowed at the movie theater on account of my evil bird companion

horrible news i took a selfie

this thought woke me from a deep slumber last night and I just HAD to write it down so I wouldn’t forget to share it

sharing a little bit of my diary :-]

every morning upon rising i recite this passage from my notes app and refuse to acknowledge any other reality until the sun goes down

life is a hell scam

recent photograph

my doctor doubled my prozac so i did my makeup!

life hack: go to the bowling alley and just steal people's fuckin shoes

making a list of everything i need to do. i'm not gonna do any of it but at least my ever present fears are now arranged all nice and tidy instead of bouncing around in my head like the dvd logo

something cool and fun about my new downstairs neighbors is they hammer with ABANDON. are they nailing pictures on the wall? fucking against a janky shelf? knocking little holes in the wall so they can hide abominable filth inside? who's to say? but they're doing it at all hours!

i'm mad as hell at this bitch for calling the cops on these chickens and then doxxing them online

i'm from texas so you may hear me say things like, "my aunt has started going to strip clubs to convert the dancers to the baptist faith"

calling it "fruit punch" is so lazy and vague. what do you mean??? tell me which fuckin ones, you psycho

killed another houseplant. who wants me

HAPPY NEW YEAR in this timeline it is 2025 . We have made it. in many timelines we did not,, feeling grateful for this new year and for all of my """"''followers"'''''' who read what i ""bang out"" on this ""keyboard"" and ''"""""''like"""""' it

fucked the moth man again. i know he's just a guy in a moth suit but he's my guy in a moth suit

California Woman Caught Horny-Posting About Hometown Thunderstorm

don't go to twitter i'm horny tweeting about a cartoon mouse over there

what the hell are the planets doing all day? you're telling me they all just spin around up there at varying speeds alone with their thoughts? no social media? no little drink as a treat while you're out running errands? no discothèque? such hell

as the crowd screamed, "crucify him!" jesus looked down at his people and said, "this one's for natalie beech, a slut from the future"

more notifications please

if i owned an airline there would be no seatbelts because i'm not a pussy

i'm up to 899 followers! growing our little community <3 as incentive, the 900th person to follow me will win a voodoo doll which can be used to cause me harm at any opportunity that strikes your fancy

yoohoo, boys! look over here! i'm INJURED and SCREAMING

give us youtube Wrapped you watched 82 hours of maritime disasters! your top watched channels: -webMD -an unstable woman living above her means in LA you love these genres! -stream of consciousness -plane crash -chiropractor ASMR -unqualified body language experts

it has been made apparent to me that the "''Mothman" i used to fuck on-and-off over the course of 7 years was not *THE* Mothman and instead "a guy in a moth costume." devastating.

32 years old, reflecting on my youth with horror,

happy thanksgiving! i might have had a bowl of grass with my coffee today, who's to say