(conceals Punisher skull tattoo) (hides Rambo poster) (hides "Don't tread on me" flag) (hides Kyle Rittenhouse poster) (hides camo cosplay) (hides assault rifle collection) "Yeah! Being stupid enough to show up armed at a protest and antagonize law enforcement is a good way to get yourself shot!"

The man murdered by ICE today has been identified as Alex Pretti. Whatever civil unrest follows will go down in history books as being sparked by the Pretti/Good Murders.

The Republicans' new flag:

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Pink Woman. Always be Pink Woman. #HeroineAddict

OOPS THEY DID IT AGAIN: They got a pedestrian this time. Five men held him down while they shot him in the head, gangland style. Then they abducted a woman in a pink jacket who had filmed it up close. She and her camera may never be seen again, unless we raise Hell.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED: Bulgaria adopts the Euro, USA abducts Maduro  Chopper crash in Arizona, ICE invading Minnesota Jerome Powell in the lurch. Shooting at a Mormon church Walz ain't gonna run again; Greenland on the block again

Those awkward nights when you spend the whole night wide awake, obsessing over everything you've ever fucked up, during your whole life. #SoManyFuckups Maybe it's the memory foam mattress.

TYPICAL ICE TACTIC: They go to an ethnic restaurant, enjoy the most expensive food and drink on the menu, and when the check arrives, they break out the flash bang grenades, trash the place, and abduct the entire staff. Restauranteurs miss the days when "dine and dash" was as bad as it got.

Do you wanna stop an IceMan? Do you wanna make him freeze Do you want to nail a Nazi joker With a Super Soaker And then giggle as he flees? We used to be free people And now we're not I want to take our freedom back Do you want to stop the IceMen? Turn up the heat and melt the IceMen Make 'em crack.

Is it really "Mental Health Week?" I feel like I ought to stay shut up in my house and not show myself until it's over, out of respect for their celebration.

TOO SCARED TO JOIN THE MILITARY; TOO DUMB TO BE A COP: Don't hold back, guys. Tell us how you really feel...

SONG-O-MATIC: "The Icemen Cometh" 'Tis in the morning, right at dawn The Icemen put their britches on To terrorize Lake Wobegon... ...Here come the Incel Icemen! They grab their gear and off they go Can't fill a thimble with what they know They wear Camo in the snow Those foolish Incel Icemen

Maybe he had an ulcer. Maybe he took too much Naproxin. Maybe they're making up the whole "internal bleeding" thing. Maybe they did something to make him bleed internally so that they could blame it on Good. Maybe he got kicked in the stomach by the teenage girl they brought him at the safe house.

Me: (successfully lifts my max) Also Me: Oh I get BYYYYYYY, defying gravity! I'm just a GUYYYYYY, defying gravity! Spotter: Don't let it get to your head. Me: (innocent look) Did I sing that out loud? Spotter: You did. Me: Oops....And I just picked that up! #IFilk #AndILiftThings

I'm told there's a movement now to petition Great Britain to take us back. #Brentrance

WE LOST ANOTHER GOOD ONE: RIP Bob Weir.

Somewhere in an alternate timeline, Rebecca Good is on a well-funded CRUSH THE ICE speaking tour, complete with pyrotechnics and glitzy outfits.

Trump on Greenland: "The fact that they landed a boat there 500 years ago doesn't mean they own the land." Who's gonna tell him?

Here I stand, bare of hand, feeling lower than ants Since they're stole, I'm freezing cold, I keep my hands in my pants Mad with grief, I want that thief to be caught, and I'll make him pay I can see folks laugh at me, and I hear them say... HEY! You have to hide your gloves away...

HOORAY FOR LAUREN UNDERWOOD!!!

OOPS THEY DID IT AGAIN. This time in Oregon. This is gonna be a daily thing, now they've been told they can kill whoever they want. No one is safe.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: When an officer-involved shooting occurs, are the involved officers EVER allowed to leave the scene before the on-scene preliminary investigation occurs?

Renee Nicole Good, the 37-year-old woman fatally shot by an ICE agent on Wednesday morning, had a young son whose father died in 2023. “There’s nobody else in his life,” Timmy Ray Macklin Sr., the boy’s grandfather, told the paper. “I’ll drive. I’ll fly. To come get my grandchild.”

This is the man from ICE who murdered a US Citizen in Minneapolis today. #America #SupportOurDeathSquads

We---are Vorkosigans We always save the day And if perchance we dont We'll sing the night away That's why our family's all smiles And well-read-- Twofoot, Dinosaur, and Miles...And Redhead!

I wonder if whoever is in charge in the WH thinks "narcoterrorists" are terrorists who are asleep most of the time, and will therefore be easier to sneak up on than the alertoterrorists.

JEDI TRAINING: My Inner Rey: Use The Force, Miles. Channel your inner Rey, set your face into a determined look, and you can do whatever you set your mind to! My Body: HaHa Nope

Well, it looks like Caracas is going to be the new luxury child sex trafficking resort for the Epstein Class.

I thought this was a lot funnier before it was explained to me that angry men don't need a smash room; they just break their partners' stuff.

Donald Trump Donald Trump! Donald Trump, he take Maduro and run Venezuela

The Republican immigration control plan is to make the United States a no more desirable place to live than Rwanda, or Honduras, or North Korea, or Gaza. And then people will stop trying to come here.

Well....tooks like it's gonna be another horrible, awful, sucky year...

FORBIDDEN WORDS AND PHRASES, 2026: 6 7 And then they all clapped. Autoerotistocracy Boldly testing the limits of marital fidelity Buy Now! Can you donate just $20 to my campaign? DEI nonsense Diddycoin Download our app Engaging in bawdy acts Enigmas never age

Republicans have succeeded in turning Christmas into just one more thing to be mad about.

Florida Man, Florida Man Don't give guns to a football fan He caught his wife with another plan... Florida Man.

December 26 = "OK, coffee break's over. Everybody back on your heads!"

Sometimes, we find ourselves re-thinking our expectations as the world slouches inexorably towards Christmas....

You better not squat You better not flye You better not curl, I'm tellin' ya, girl Santa Claus is going to town He's made a set list And packed up his sleigh Reserved the whole gym, so it's closed Christmas Day Santa Claus is going to town

THIS FUCKING TIMELINE: That podcaster who got shot. Kirk somebody. His widow is cosplaying Taylor Swift AS I TYPE THIS, and she's going on her Eras of Grievances Tour. And she struts out onto the stage in this dress made of glitter, rhinestones and shame, mic firmly clutched in hand.

HEARTWARMING MOMENTS OF HOLIDAY JOY: Just watched Andrew Tate getting his ass kicked by a novice boxer. Life is good. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Na92...

Somebody needs to do a reel of the opening credits of Orange Is The New Black, interspersed with Christopher Anderson's Vanity Fair photos of the President's henchmen. www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBIT...

Billionaires do not kiss the ring. Billionaires present the ring for the government, the media and the police (otherwise known to them as "the help") to kiss.

I do not accept advice on "what women want" from anyone whose username is Raunchybutt.

WHEN YOU HAVE TO GO CAROLING WITH YODA: "Mr. Grinch, a mean one you are..." "NO!" "A merry Christmas we wish you, A Merry Christmas we wish you" "No, not that one either" "Watch out you better! Pout you better not..." "NO! God, NO!"

Every time I watch the news, I run out into the street to riot, but there's no one else there! The French must be very confused and disappointed in the citizens of the United States.

I WANT ROB REINER BACK, YOU SON OF A BITCH!

IN THESE TIMES: Young Men = "I must have a high status career and earn good money, so that a good woman will want to marry me!" Young Women = "I must have a high status career and earn good money, so that I will never have to be dependent on a man!"