All of God's creatures have a place on the fire On kabobs or wrapped in wire Eat them in sweats or formal attire With a side of fries, or tots, or anything you've got, now

Who will be President 16 years from now, because "Leftists" refuse to dirty their fingers by voting for AOC, who will inspire people to say "In retrospect, you know, Trump really wasn't all that bad"?

I am against abortion, with limited exceptions for special circumstances, such as when the woman does not want to have a baby.

DID YOU KNOW???--The Minnesota House of Representatives just passed a bill outlawing the use of AI to nudify photographs of children. The bill passed almost unanimously. In fact, only ONE legislator, a Republican, voted against it. THIS guy. And his name is ROACH. How appropriate.

I did NOT have "Media chooses photo of Black crime suspect looking like your friendly, trustworthy neighbor" on my Bingo card.

"If you take advantage of her, you're going to the special Hell that they reserve for child molesters and people who leave laugh reacts on #MeToo posts." ---attributed to Shepherd Book

"Disturbance At Correspondents Dinner; Trump Evacuated" Yes, I'm sure he did.

(Hoo-haw!....Hoo-haw!...) That's the sound of the men writing for the Baen gaaaaang That's the sound of the men writing for the Baen gang. All day long, they're singing Oooooh, how I want a Hugo. One of these days, I'll take one home

SCARING PEOPLE AT THE GYM: Very Perky Group Fitness Instructor: And SQUAT, two, three, four---Come on! ACTIVATE your glutes!!! And I mentally give thanks that I am unable to fart loudly as the whim strikes me. I don't think I could have resisted the temptation there.

MY SHOPPING LIST: Spoons Cope Sorts Fucks to give Bubblegum

I for one feel safer when I know Kash Patel is drunk and fucking off, instead of tampering with Federal law enforcement. Don't you?

That VAW site was visited by 62 million men....and not even ONE bear. Now do you understand?

Men: Every woman has at least one abuse/harassment story, and every woman who trusts you has told you about it. If you've heard a lot of their truths, you know I'm right. And if you've heard few or none, then you too have something to think over. Men started rape culture. Men can stop it.

We're already about to face shortages because the Republicans fucked up the Straits of Hormuz...and now we're getting a wave of people burning down the places where the existing stuff is stored. PAY THE DAMN WORKERS ALREADY! All you have to do is pay them enough to live.

Aaaaannnnd....Orban is OUT! 55 seats in the Hungarian Parliament to the opposition's 137. That is a MASSIVE landslide for Magyar. May America get the same, in November.

That Awkward Moment when the Libertarians come to sign up for the Resistance, and they = "Yeah, we were fine with all that Nazi stuff, deporting legal residents, anti-trans genocide, and crackdowns on civil liberties, threatening the Pope--but then he fucked up gas prices, and enough is enough!"

"I cast Fireball!" "Miles, you are not allowed to cast Fireball." "Why not?" "Because we are doing your taxes, and there is no Fireball spell when doing taxes." "Well....there should be."

All they had to do was pay their employees enough to live.

You will not learn to prepare to serve in the Resistance to 2027 martial law in America by studying HUNGER GAMES or V. You will learn by studying HOGAN'S HEROES.

...and so to bed.

"So fucked up that even introverts are here!"

SPRINGFIELD OREGON REPRESENT!!!

"While our wonderful president was out playing golf all day, the TSA is falling apart, just like our government! Airports a total disaster!" —Donald Trump, May 21, 2016

Do you want to build a straw man? Would you rather use some hay? Would you like to have an argument And get belligerent With some clueless MRA?

Looks like Chuck Norris tried to kick Death, but missed and roundhoused the bucket instead. So sad. Anyway, what do you think I should make for dinner? I really ought to turn that chicken carcass into soup soon, but I'm more in the mood for spaghetti...

I took the "Who all your base are belong to?" quiz on Quiz BaDooBah, and the result is: United Kingdom!

The first clue that they might be Nazis or Nazi enablers was when it was revealed that the club was called the "College Republicans". College Republicans. Now there's an oxymoron for you.

The capitalists have somehow figured out how to maintain profits without actually selling any goods or services. They openly don't give a ripe turd about customer satisfaction and appear to take pleasure in making the shopping experience a torment.

I'M LIKE THAT, ALL THE TIME: Except that, when my plan concludes with, "...and then we run like Hell", you might want to think twice before following me. #FairWarning

It's-a me! Mar. I0

ASK MISS DEMEANOR!!! Did You Know?---the Meth Community in my area has an equal and opposite mug-shot book for photo lineups from the one used in the Police Community.

I saw my yard today, oh boy The English ivy had just won the war My grapes and berries turned away So I'll just have to prune In the afternoon.... ...I've got to mow...the...lawn....

Oompa Loompa doopitty dock  There’s Kristi Noem going out the airlock Oompa Loompa doopitty dorr If I am right, there soon will be more What do you get for playing with ICE? Shooting your dog and not being nice? Using your office to be a big spender? Those things can be a real job-ender!

"Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women." -- attributed to Stephen Colbert

HAVING PRIVILEGE IS the media wringing its hands about how disempowered you feel and how we need to prop you up more because otherwise you might go batshit and cause a lot of problems.

This is how the Texas Republicans plan to install the Republican candidate for Democratic Party US Senate nominee, no matter how the people vote. www.wfaa.com/article/news...

It only counts as a "war" if it was produced in the Declared by Congress region of France. Otherwise, it's just a sparkling colossal fuckup.

That awkward moment when the headline reads "Third Meningococcal Case Confirmed" and your first thought is that it's about another one of Wankpretzel's cabinet appointments. #TheseTimesWeLiveIn #ProbablyGonnaHeadCDC #BetterThanDrunkPeteAtLeast

UNPOPULAR HYPOTHESIS: The male bad hygiene epidemic is caused by AI bots spreading the word that taking showers "is gay", because the AI distribution centers want all the water. This is also why the GOP-controlled Department of Health is downplaying the need for America's sanitation infrastructure.

1. Break peace agreements to bomb Iran 2. ????????? 3. NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!!!

1. Destroy Iranian Government 2. ????? 3. PROFIT!!!

Don't cry for me, Ayatollah The truth is I never liked you Though Trump's an asshole, not worth a pittance I still won't miss ya. Goodbye, good riddance

I HAD A DREAM: And that dream mostly involved scooping out litter boxes and viewing some very muscular anatomical diagrams that glowed in relevant sections to explain which of my muscles hurt.

"Is he dead yet?" "No...not yet." "Dagnabbit.....I'm going back to sleep."

MAN, I'M GLAD I'M A MAN, MAN: What separates the gentlemen from the bros is the ability to wear a Fedora without looking like a total wankweasel. #NotAllFedoras

That awkward moment when social media friends-of-friends are ranting about bathroom police laws yet again, and you say "Maybe they should set aside a special bathroom for assholes", and then you realize that that's exactly what any toilet stall is.

WE LOST ANOTHER GOOD ONE: RIP Jesse Jackson. Maybe if more of us had learned this lesson, we wouldn't be in this mess today. www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuZV...