“tarriff is my favorite word” this is so embarrassing

Imagine being summoned to Quantico for this rambling bullshit

The only bombing that is happening is this terrible, rambling speech

Don’s nose be lookin’ like Johnny Depp’s in The Libertine

I want to be Jasmine Crockett when I grow up.

Can we talk about how the song “Popcorn” is such a banger?

I am 46 years old and have a grown up job and I checked the Crocs website no less than 10 times today before I finally got the email that the Animal Crossing clogs had dropped.

Next I want to see @officialjackwhite.bsky.social out-Catholic JD Vance

My iphone curated a photo slide show titled “Detroit over the years” and half of the pictures were of hot dogs.

Hm, the singing baseball player left out the part about the taint infection during his little ditty in the Jardiance commercial that they have shown at least 3 times during the MLB #allstargame

Happy, happy 50th birthday to @officialjackwhite.bsky.social !!!! I hope you have an incredible day surrounded by friends and family, and I hope the Tigers win. Much love to you. xo

@officialjackwhite.bsky.social and @alyankovic.bsky.social hear me out: world premiere of the new collab “Fell In Love With a Squirrel” at @riotfest.bsky.social

Do you smell what whatever this guy’s name is is cooking?

@officialjackwhite.bsky.social please weigh in immediately on the Trump/Musk love spat

Things I didn’t expect to see this weekend: @officialjackwhite.bsky.social drink Veuve Cliquot out of the bottle in Nashville, and a bunch of dead armadillos on the roadside in Kentucky.

At least my 403(b) only lost $1000 dollars today.

@booker.senate.gov I will never complain about having to teach a 3 hour lecture again. You are a hero, long before today. Much love and respect to you.

While there are many things that should make Dubya feel shama and loss of sleep, I hope one of them is having Scott Jennings as a special assistant.

I’m rooting for the #Tigers, but I will admit that Teoscar Hernandez is so cool, with his on-field interview about eating sushi in Japan while fielding the ball to his home run just now. The Reds really messed up by not adding him to the team.

I challenge Linda McMahon to a wrestling match, and I win, we get to keep the DoE AND DEI. #Erin3:16 #DoYouSmellWhatEDubsIsCooking #ThePeoplesSchoolBoardMember #Erinmania #Woooooooo

What purpose does Scott Jennings serve? Does he add anything important or positive to any show on @cnn.com?!?

Bro needs to watch a high school production of Radium Girls

is it good or bad that a billionaire oligarch with close ties to foreign dictators is currently downloading the most sensitive information the us federal government has about its citizens to his own private servers?

2025 is where a Venn diagram of Idiocracy, The Handmaid’s Tale, and @mmflint.bsky.social’s Canadian Bacon meets in the middle.

I am going to have my pronouns tattooed on my knuckles.

I’m just so comforted that we have a Fox News weekend host and a dude that was on MTV’s The Real World and Road Rules running the show during this absolute tragedy

2025 blows big time, but at least I have tickets to see @officialjackwhite.bsky.social in four cities this year.

Help, I already hate humanity and now I can’t stop watching S3 of The Curious Case of Natalia Grace.

Dear @alyankovic.bsky.social please make a parody of TMBG “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” but it’s about the Gulf of Mexico (pic for attention)

I am starting a band called Depose Extinguish Impeach (DEI) if anyone wants to join.

Dear Real Journalists, please use this photo from now on whenever you have to do a story about Elon Musk.

Let’s make #TrumpIsTrans trend #Trump

There are 2 genders: cis and trans

#spyvsspy #melania #inauguration

Pretty sure we don’t use the term “insane asylum” anymore, unless in a comic book or if you are referring to this place

How about some legislation that makes being a stupid bumpkin ✝️W🅰️✝️ a Class C felony #indiana #hoosiers #morons

Congratulations to Jake Paul for beating a man 30 years older than him who was wearing a knee brace.

OMG, the Irish lady being declared the winner of this boxing match is, like, the second most unbelievable and ridiculous result of the last 2 weeks.

Just gonna make boxing references related to Moe Szyslak and Peaky Blinders in an awkward attempt to be relevant and fit in…

I haven’t been this excited about a boxing event since Apollo Creed fought Ivan Drago.

Are my kids going to get to line up at school and do the fluoride swish like I did in the 1980’s? Or are we all just going to have rotten teeth from now on.

Dear Senators: please do not confirm Robbie from Lazy Town as Attorney General. Thanks.

I just signed up today, and apparently there are a lot of cat pics on here. Trying to fit in to ppl will like me. This is my cat brother, Dudley.

Hi! I’m not sure what to say in my first post, so I will share a happy memory from the before times, taken last month in Cincinnati. I ❤️ him.