The evidence is clear: Swinney has no mandate to force yet another divisive referendum on us. The issue has been decisively settled for at least 30 years, if not 50 or 60. Busted flush.

Less than two weeks until Scotland goes to the polls to finally end Swinney’s reign of terror. This account will be posting every hour until then to give Proud Scots all the facts & figures they need, to reach the logical conclusion that we live in the only country on Earth that can’t run itself.

The evidence is clear: Swinney has no mandate to force yet another divisive referendum on us. The issue has been decisively settled for at least 30 years, if not 50 or 60. Red White & Blue Brexit.

“From Yoker to Yeovil, and right across Gibraltar, everybody knows that we're Better Together! Everyone except Swinney, that is...” Unbelievable stuff as Andrew Bowie runs rings around Swinney over the godawful Nat plot to cancel katsu curry.

“Everywhere I go, people stop me in the street to say they want to sustain Our Precious Union. Why don't you just go now??” Stirring stuff as Priti Patel humiliates Bella Caledonia over the heinous Nat plot to cancel Barrowman.

Andrew Neil has promised us lunch and vegetables: normal countries would be chuffed to bits with this. But unfortunately Swinney has poisoned the discourse, and the threat of independence hangs over us all.

All across Our Precious Union, we are beginning to see the benefits of Brexit. But the SNP want to disrupt this progress. It's contemptible. Yet more proof that we're Better Together.

We can only imagine the disasters that will befall us if Swinney gets his way. But in the UK we have safety, security and a solid track record. Why risk it all? We have to stop this: time is of the essence.

Scotland has had enough of the Nats and their disastrous obsession with separation. It's time for a fresh approach from up-and-coming voices in politics: people like Joani Reid or Andrew Neil. The people demand nothing less. Pool and share.

Only the Labour Party can lead us through the #CostOfLivingCrisis. Under Swinney's ludicrous plans, we can't even guarantee we would be able to keep our beloved memes. Yet more proof that we're Better Together.

In 2014 Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay in the UK, in an historic landslide that vanquished nationalism forever. And (if you can just overlook fruit rotting in fields), it's been one big party ever since.

Look: we have the utmost respect for Amy MacDonald. But when they claimed that Scotland could govern itself like every other country on Earth, they went down in our estimations. Pool and share.

Scotland has had enough of the Nats and their disastrous obsession with separation. It's time for a fresh approach from up-and-coming voices in politics: people like Ian Murray or Muriel Gray. The people demand nothing less. We have to stop this: time is of the essence.

The SNP are obsessed with separation. Literally their only policy is ripping apart Our Precious Union. No to divisive nationalism. Brexit means Brexit.

Don’t forget to catch Reporting Scotland later, where Neil & Christine Hamilton and Scottish Labour will discuss the Nat plans to deny us all fajitas. Unmissable.

“From Dundee to Dover, and right across the Falkland Islands, everybody knows that we're Better Together! Everyone except Swinney, that is...” Transcendental stuff as Euan McColm cancels Stephen Flynn over the duplicitous separatist plot to cancel vegetables.

In the UK, we are guaranteed a fortnight in Magaluf. But in a separate Scotland, we would potentially lose access to gloves. The pointlessness of nationalism is plain for all to see. Busted flush.

Runrig can't even tell us what is love? Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more. Laughable. We have to stop this: time is of the essence.

Do you want to risk a future without Lords? Then vote for separation. Busted flush.

Think Brexit is bad? Lord Botham has confirmed that #ScottishIndependence will lead to a lack of teeth. Don't leave the UK: *lead* the UK!

As Unionists, we understand the basics of common sense. Logic dictates that a vote for the Nats is a vote for disaster. Red White & Blue Brexit.

Nobody has their finger on the pulse of Scottish public opinion like Baron Offord. When they say Swinney is dangerous, we should sit up and take notice. No to #Indyref2.

As one proud United Kingdom, we have achieved great things together. Now Swinney wants to throw our centuries of shared history in the bin? Ludicrous. Red White & Blue Brexit.

Instead of blaming Nadine Dorries for the UK being locked out of ERASMUS, you should actually be blaming Lorna Slater. It’s that simple frankly. Take Back Control.

Instead of blaming Alistair Carmichael for Pound Sterling collapsing, you should actually be blaming Sturgeon. It’s that simple frankly. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

“...Better To Get Her? Get who? Why are you at my front door at this time of night???” Charlie Puth is in no doubt that Scotland will be the only country on Earth unable to run itself.

“Scotland and the UK will always share social, cultural & family unions. But if you vote for political autonomy you must be anti-English!” Great stuff as Murdo Fraser shouts at Pat Kane over the sleekit separatist plot to cancel rogan josh curry.

Only the Labour Party can lead us through the #CostOfLivingCrisis. Under Swinney's ludicrous plans, we can't even guarantee we would be able to keep our beloved sea. Broad shoulders.

If there's one thing Unionists are renowned for, it's our astute analysis. That's why everyone knows that #ScottishIndependence will be an historic catastrophe. Yet more proof that we're Better Together.

Nobody is fonder of Scotland than Starmer. So when they say that Scotland making its own laws would be an apocalyptic disaster, we should listen. We don't have a choice. Take Back Control.

When you think about titans of the political scene, you think about the likes of Mandelson or Lord Foulkes. So when they warn us about the dangers of separation, we must heed their advice. There is simply no alternative.

Look: we have the utmost respect for David Tennant. But when they claimed that Scotland could govern itself like every other country on Earth, they went down in our estimations. Strong and stable.

Don’t forget to catch Reporting Scotland later, where Nadhim Zahawi and Lord Robertson will discuss the Nat plans to deny us all katsu curry. Unmissable.

Arguably the greatest strength of our United Kingdom is its simplicity. Swinney would destroy all of this, and for what?

It's one thing to say you don't like Sir Keir Starmer as Prime Minister. Frankly neither do we! But it's easy to forget that before Starmer, everything was just brilliant. Now is not the time.

In the UK, we are guaranteed Hard Brexit. But in a separate Scotland, we would potentially lose access to dopiaza curry. The pointlessness of nationalism is plain for all to see. Only Anas Sarwar as First Minister can stop this.

The SNP are obsessed with separation. Literally their only policy is ripping apart Our Precious Union. Now is not the time.

Do you want Ibrox, or do you want illegal wars? Because with separation, you can't have them both. Get Brexit Done.

The evidence is clear: Swinney has no mandate to force yet another divisive referendum on us. The issue has been decisively settled for at least 30 years, if not 50 or 60. Take Back Control.

In 2014 Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay in the UK, in an historic landslide that vanquished nationalism forever. And (if you can just overlook the tenfold increase in food banks), it's been one big party ever since.

In 2014 Scotland voted overwhelmingly to stay in the UK, in an historic landslide that vanquished nationalism forever. And (if you can just overlook the Truss / Kwarteng mini-budget), it's been one big party ever since.

Look: we can't scrutinise the claims of Boris Johnson and Better Together. 2014 was an eternity ago and the world has changed immeasurably since then. But also, 2014 was just yesterday, and the Nats can't force yet another quickfire referendum on us. It's that simple frankly.

Only the Labour Party can lead us through the #CostOfLivingCrisis. Under Swinney's ludicrous plans, we can't even guarantee we would be able to keep our beloved cheese. We have to stop this: time is of the essence.

All across Our Precious Union, we are beginning to see the benefits of Brexit. But the SNP want to disrupt this progress. It's contemptible. Red White & Blue Brexit.

Only the Labour Party can lead us through the #CostOfLivingCrisis. Under Swinney's ludicrous plans, we can't even guarantee we would be able to keep our beloved orange marches. Get Brexit Done.

Think Brexit is bad? Scottish Labour has confirmed that #ScottishIndependence will lead to an unsustainable increase in shinty. No to divisive nationalism. Brexit means Brexit.

When you think about titans of the political scene, you think about the likes of Ian Murray or Lord Robertson. So when they warn us about the dangers of separation, we must heed their advice. There is simply no alternative.

Only the Labour Party can lead us through the #CostOfLivingCrisis. Under Swinney's ludicrous plans, we can't even guarantee we would be able to keep our beloved Ibrox. No Thanks.

Swinney and the Nats are destroying Scotland. Imagine what they could do with more powers. Red White & Blue Brexit.

Not yet.