Might f around and make my flashes purely for old discarded photos I find on the street. Here’s my first. Found across from rite aid on Vermont in Los Feliz

Ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between… welcome to my flashes

working on a concept for a government arts program that would give everyone who comments stuff like this on movie and tv trailers $850,000 and force them to make something to be evaluated by the public.

Spring Breakers legacy sequel shaping up incredibly well…

If I get rich it will be clear because I’ll start getting those good hormones/roids. I’ll be ripped like a 50 yr old ex sitcom actor playing a space General in a streaming movie called like Planet Yesterday

Gen Z has more in common with boomers than they do millennials (both use their phones on speaker without earbuds in public).

Me watching Severance

Being actively big-timed at a laundromat by the sole employee. Denied the bathroom code (he silently entered it himself blocking the keypad), moving the wheeled basket back when I was clearly using it. Humiliating. Aren’t we supposed to be coming together as a city… (smdh)

My guy is still available for adoption via the labelle foundation on IG. Scoop him up!

Let’s talk about last night’s big winner shall we

a way both films deal with the banality of evil because Julian is so casually sadistic in his deception of Luke in his efforts to win the World Jam and take over the deed to his dance loft.

Who called it Paw Patrol and not The Dog Popo

Highlights from the teen girls next to me at Interstellar in IMAX: -“is that a real robot?” -“SHUT UP” (re: Ann Hathaway) -“I thought he was going home?” -“haha” re: an Instagram story) -“that was the best movie I’ve ever seen. Thank you for showing me!” (After talking through the whole thing)

BREAKING: Luigi Mangione was able to evade police for over five days with a series of elaborate disguises

Not disagreeing that the original version is perfect but I think the 2018 Grinch earns it’s existence solely for the insanely good better-than/it-had-any-right-to be Tyler The Creator soundtrack youtu.be/8CKEcOBCSQg?...

It’s crazy how you can go to sleep with a full untouched glass of water next to your bed and still wake up hungover.

Thanks Spotify.

Thanks to all my 600 (whoa mama!) bluesky followers. What do you guys want for Christmas? No gift is too extravagant.

Finally watching Anatomy Of Lies and can’t get over how shocking and terrible it is and also how crazy it would be if someone made a 3 hour documentary about how much I sucked

Walked my dog past a man trying to wrangle his kids into an SUV, toddler evading capture at all costs. When he emerged from the car he was wearing a SpaceX “Occupy Mars” shirt. Bro you can’t even Occupy your Ford Explorer!

A little empathy for Matt Gaetz please. He didn’t know this was going to happen to his face when he put on The Mask.

ohhhh so i'm like old-old. got it.

If it was ever in question, yes I am a true friend where it counts.

Who called it Body Double and not Pervertigo?

Of all the ways it seems sweet to have been a TV writer in the 90s, Simpsons couch gag brainstorm day seems like the best paid work imaginable

Hey new followers here’s my dog, a raccoon I saw last night, Gavin Newsom with his summer reading list, and me. Any feedback is appreciated! Tysm.

Anyone else absolutely parched?

Fellas is it gay to trust your girlfriend

Currently rehabbing an injury with the RICE method: Rice Ingesting rice Consuming rice Eating rice

I like how instead of accepting that maybe twitter was ruining our lives we decided *it* was the problem and made a new better one. That’s so us 🥲

rebranding as a BlueSky movie guy but specifically a guy who just posts pictures of Brian De Palma with beautiful women of the 70s/80s.

Then I’m about to get a book deal, spend 5 months writing it, lowball some poor illustrator for 250 unique images, release the book at every urban outfitters, have them eventually mark it down to $3.99 and eventually Amazon will sell it for a literal penny. THAT’S what early 2010s was really like!

Alright let’s get a little enthusiasm for the puppy I just saw at the car wash. Come on folks if we’re doing 2015 twitter over here let’s really do it!!!!!!!!

I asked IG who was sexier than Jim From Office and the results were far reaching to say the least

Wait… The DOGE???! Like as in the very funny and cool meme and coin. Actually that rocks please don’t have me executed fellas

If you can see this will you comment on it? I want to see if I’m shadowbanned or just the other thing (low followers and bad posts)

Fellas is it gay to trust your girlfriend

Adding a post credit sequence to every horror movie where you learn that all the murder victims went to heaven

Like every October, I am thinking about Nightmare On Elm Street 2

Then I’m about to get a book deal, spend 5 months writing it, lowball some poor illustrator for 250 unique images, release the book at every urban outfitters, have them eventually mark it down to $3.99 and eventually Amazon will sell it for a literal penny. THAT’S what early 2010s was really like!

If anyone’s looking to add people to their George Kennedy Starter Packs, allow me to throw my hat in the ring.

Embarrassing that I stayed on Twitter as long as I did. I’ve been getting NOTHING and I was giving them gold like THIS!

I really hate x dot com and would like to come over here full time. Any advice on … uh … having more than 100 followers on here?

Currently rehabbing an injury with the RICE method: Rice Ingesting rice Consuming rice Eating rice

Thanks to Mitch Hedberg for the assist but an electric toothbrush can’t break, it can just become a toothbrush.

You’ve been hit with Kevin Federline’s 2006 single Popozão. Pass this to 5 friends or be forever cursed with this bilingual banger. open.spotify.com/track/4KLKtL...

Halloween has come and gone but I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I went to a party on Saturday night and there was a full ham for people to enjoy. All parties all year long should do this. Party ham.

I was trying to mathematically determine the worst Halloween costume (biggest criteria: try for most outdated) and my friend came up with Joe Exotic. I wish I'd put it together in time. 3 and a half years too late. Would have been perfect.

Quick everyone post your costume from 15 years ago I wanna see something