heated rivalry but it’s the savannah bananas

*approaches the podium and taps the mic* i went on a really nice date with a cute boy tonight. uhh. that is all.

the major downside of live theater is that when you see an incredible performance that really sticks in your mind and you: cannot (necessarily) watch it again and you cannot (necessarily) show it to your friends

pet loss once again being indescribably sad and funny: this is the fucking website i have to use to tell the county that my cat died and that's why i no longer need a license

losing my cat continues to be indescribably sad and funny: i finally read the vet hospital records (while sobbing) and found out they had him in a “hot dog warmer” at one point. tears streaming down my cheeks as i learn about the hotdog veterinary warming system

today i learned that tannins help pickles stay crunchy, so you can put in grape leaves, oak leaves, blackcurrant leaves, or even black tea in the brine. time to eat a fuckton of pickles

watching old eps of millionaire matchmaker and the girls yell “no sex before monogamy!” like it’s a chappell roan song

clothing companies make a plus size full zip fleece jacket that isn’t ugly challenge ❤️

ah yes that age old adage, fall forward, spring back ⏳

has a jeopardy contestant ever said “oh fuck me” or something by accident. are they able to just edit that out

i genuinely don’t remember how to participate on social media platforms 🌝