Excuse me, but this is not what we meant by renaming the Commanders Stadium after our beloved President Trump.

In this mall village, we endorse Elise Stefanik for Governor, as she vows to #KeepChristmasLegal and protect my first amendment right to give reindeer droppings to the naughty kids.

Today the kids in my mall village are getting a free Dick Cheney action figure with kung fu grip, and there’s nothing management can do about it, because in this village, I am God.

Back to the Future Day is here to celebrate America’s Greatness.

President Trump has made the White House great again.

Ready for today’s #NoKings Rally to support President Trump.

Another victory for the Law & Order Party as George Santos is released!

Prayers for Matt Walsh, frantically trying to make the shooter Tyler Robinson trans.

It’s not fair my kids get to hang out with President Trump on his workout days, while I’m stuck here watching my wife mow the lawn.

The #EpsteinTrumpFiles will prove what we’ve always said, that President Trump is innocent and visited many islands to sell Trump Wine door to door.

An inspiring morning as President Trump is back on the scene and looking healthier than ever!

Wokesters can have their Spencer Gifts; we Patriots are choosing Montgomery Wards and Bed Bath and Beyond for our Sunday Fundays.

There’s no better interviewer than Hannity, who always provides generous offerings to our nation’s King.

World War III has been averted after Putin gives President Trump an authentic Nobel Peace Prize of his very own!

I’m so proud of my daughter, who is always there to greet our President after he exits the royal shitter.

The Trump Putin summit will be victorious, as both are masters at 4D Chess, and one brilliant move means we will have lower grocery prices immediately.

My President Trump and Elvis artwork shows two Kings paying respect to one another, therefore it’s only fitting I start the bidding at six figures.

Superman has gone woke and abandoned his small town values.

President Trump has personally solved the mystery of the Epstein Client List. #CaseClosed

Don’t let July 4th distract you from the national scandal of Zohran Mamdani eating rice.

July 4th isn’t just Independence Day, it’s also when our freedom became certified upon Lee Greenwood writing our beautiful national anthem God Bless the USA with only 6 cents to his name and a cabin.

On this 4th of July, we celebrate like 3 Americans, President Trump, Christ Jesus, and Gondy planting a flag on the future spot of our beautiful White House, just like the Founding Fathers.

Today marks the historic battle of St. Gettysburg, which is sadly no longer taught in schools, because they know President Trump would have single handedly ended the war in a single day if he were there.

Like Cheese and Superman, Elon Musk is all American, and his new America Party will ensure Straightriotism victories, as the constitution states that any patriotic 3rd party gets to be co-president as long as they come in 2nd place in any election.

We Straightriots can’t handle the heartbreak of a President Trump and Elon Musk breakup.

Marco Rubio is a modern apostle, always thrilled to vacation in Saudi Arabia to help President Trump’s friends.

Ben & Jerry’s went woke when they wouldn’t give us the flavor we demanded.

People forget that Catturd met his 4th wife in the country of Mattel.

With Judge Jeanine and Pete Hegseth in charge, America is back and ready to drink all other countries under the table! #winning

Megyn’s 4th stage will be the Pope election was rigged.

Impossible. Daily Wire subscribers are involuntary celibate.

History is made, as we get two new popes, both from Chicago, and both on a mission from God.

I’ve found out Kirk Cameron has a kids show, and now my kids will be screaming for joy when we start watching!

We patriots aren’t gonna let wokesters take over Times Square, therefore we’ve erected our own beautiful Chaya Raichik statue for tourists to admire.

The beautiful Mar-a-lago maidens are reminiscent of the Brides of Christ, welcoming us into heaven’s kingdom with untold riches and a lusty appetite, which is relatable to middle America.

Hollywood Ambassador Kirk Cameron is already working hard at saving the industry.

Drag queens take note, you just have to call kids the n-word to get Matt Walsh’s support.

And now the radical left wants to cancel Mr. Ed, simply for attending Mar-a-Lago with Kellyanne Guilfoyle.

Vince Vaughn, co-star of The Swingers and lyricist for The O’Jays “Money,” was so excited to meet my daughter he didn’t even make it to the restroom to relieve himself.

President Trump has mastered The Art of the Deal by not only using his "Vladimir Stop" safe word, but also getting the upper hand by giving Putin the best shoe shine of his life.

On this Happy Easter, we give thanks to President Trump for providing us with golden eggs, hatched from Christ himself directly in the barn of John Wayne, because American riches have resurrected once again.

My latest piece honors the Mt. Rushmore of Straightriotism, featuring President Trump, Charlie Kirk, Tim Pool, and Kevin Sorbo; all of whom have made rock hard manhood great again.

He’s politely waiting to hear if any Teslas were harmed first.

The new Fantastic Four movie is sadly no place for Sttaightriotism.

My wife and I love wearing our President Trump and Melania masks through our neighborhood so that we too can be respected like royalty.

These kids today need better toys than my idiot son.

This weekend I’m being my Straightriotism to C2E2. Come see us at Booth SP5, and just ignore my idiot son.

Justice Jeanine drops even more truth bombs to the Panicans out there!

Wait, Laura Loomer is a machine?

It’s like he’s 21 again!