i'm thinking about that grass field off highway 37 again

gabapentin is so good at making my worries and pains go away, and i was doing such a good job not being dependent on it. but this is my second time this week, and I think my fourth this month. but between this and weed i should probably admit that I'm a functioning drug addict.

it keeps happening lately where I'm trying to manage a crisis and I freeze because I don't know what to do I always know what to do, that's like my whole point. this is really distressing

ahhhhhhh i fucked up so hard at work and I'm scared i'll get in trouble for it

my surgery is in just over a month and i'm so fucking nervous

god i hate the way i look naked

i just read an email he sent to me over a decade ago. it explained a lot about who he was trying to be, what he wanted to be. in my brain there are three of him: the man who didn't know what to do with me and left me to flounder; the man withering away in hospice living a hell that nobody deserves,

my birthdays have been historically kinda lousy, and yesterday had its challenges, but those last few hours more than made up for it 🫠

if I have to cancel another vacation cause I'm sick, i

"the future will fix me" says the girl completely detached from the flow of time

not having a good day today

i wish i was as into sex as I like to think i am. but everything is overstimulating and i just feel like i'm being tickled. that or my tummy hurts. drugs help a lot though and put me in the mindset I need to be in, but i wish I could do this sober. maybe i'm just meant to sit in the chair and watch

i feel like i've been bad at being saffi for the past while, starting to forget what it feels like

this struggle is going to be how I reach heaven, i got the mandate after all

it feels like I'm just not allowed to have peace in my own fucking home, almost like she thinks I don't deserve it do I not work hard enough?

I deserve better