The paintings were the most interesting part

What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies

LMFAO

The Jedi are the next stage of human evolution... brought on by a genie

LFG

I was planning to travel first class to Central Texas, but I don't want to appear Austintatious.

The Naughty Schoolboy by Enid Spanking

My elephants has no trunk. It still smells terrible.

7 days without a pun makes one weak

Olivia Wilde vs Olivia Calm

I'll be there!

What do you call a cow that's just had a baby? De-calfinated!

They could have been more specific

Gene Wilder vs Gene Calmer

Stevie Wonder vs Stevie Find Out

Gillian Anderson vs Gillian Withoutherson

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? It stole the show

I am holding on to my ticket tightly

I tried calling Kellogg's customer service team using a cereal number

Customer: Waiter, there is a mosquito in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry sir, they don't eat much!

Where do Martians drink beer? At a Mars bar

I don't wanna play poker with them

Customer: Waiter, waiter, there's a bee in my soup. Waiter: Yes Sir, it's the fly's day off.

The perfect license plate does exist!

I miss his stories

Now I see Jay Leno, but growing up watching Beetle Borgs, I thought he was supposed to be Elvis

This looks familiar somehow...

A young Bruce Willis and his parents

To err is human, to forgive is divine, to moo is bovine, to bleat is ovine, to oink is porcine, to howl is lupine, to bark is canine, to purr is feline.

He's always been so dramatic

Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath. Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.

David's advice doesn't really work nowadays

What did the police officer say to his stomach? I've got you under a vest

Patient: Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone. Doctor: Are you choking? Patient: No, I really did!

Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair? She wanted to rock and roll

I'm neutral about this one

It's a constant struggle

What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"

lmfao

Always round up!

What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw? One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.

Anyone hungry?

I changed my computer password to 'Alcatraz' and now the escape key won't work

I downloaded an app that translates chicken talk to English. It's really cool, and it only cost 2 bucks.

It sounds delicious!

Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"? Because it was always running out of the pen.

I applied to origami school but just got my rejection letter in the mail. I don’t know what to make of that.

If you don't like what I post then I hope you have to pee 3 times tonight, but only wake up twice.

I eat lots of places and get gas