Don't tell Scotty!

Spell electricity with three letters. NRG

UGH I hate this!

I was thinking of starting a diet but right now I have too much on my plate.

Always season your cock

Accurate

Have you seen dustbin.com? It's a load of rubbish!

Fishing is the most important thing you can do on the weekends

That explains... absolutely nothing

Anne Hat vs Anne Hathaway

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

But this heart is cut in half!

NOOOOO!

I retuned a level to Home Depot......it was an even exchange

It's true, there's no housing crisis or hunger crisis, we can feed and house every human on earth, but there's no profit in that. We have a greed crisis.

America has a magic problem?

It's a pride of lions

In 2005, the President's daughter was kidnapped and only one man was tasked to get her back! Happy anniversary to Resident Evil 4!

That is a good Tattoo removal!

NES never dies!

Yea, get it right!

What South American dance do cows like to do? The Rump-a

Ehh, good enough

How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap.

My husband called me from his job at the Velcro factory. He’s stuck at work again.

How do you start an insect race ? One, two, flea - go

My orange puns only a peel to a small segment of the pulpulation.

Now time for Predator Badlands!

What kind of dog is the smartest? A great brain

What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A dead school bus

I see it! LOL

What did the Loch Ness Monster say to his friend? Long time no sea.

Now that's dedication

I'm not fat, I'm just easy to see!

What kind of cowboy steals teapots? A kettle rustler.

People who help you to find what you're looking for in the liquor store. They should be called spirit guides.

Yea, I need this

That's how it seems sometimes

Farrah Faucet once gave me a tap dance

In America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to the counter but leave our $80,000 cars out in the driveway

Today is hot, so I've removed all my clothes and opened every window... I feel better, though the other bus passengers are quite upset!

I have a pet manatee named Hugh. I built him a house. It's a habitat for Hugh manatee.

My wife has stood by me for 10 years. Eventually we'll buy a second chair

The wannabe beautician brought her cosmetics for a make-up exam

Just burned my Hawaiian pizza. I should have put it on aloha temperature

Definitely seems tense

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show

What European capital has the most ghosts? Boodapest

What happened to the witch with an upside down nose? Every time she sneezed her hat blew off

I'm on a strict light diet. I eat by daylight, by moonlight and sometimes, refrigerator light.