been feeling so gross about myself lately

lord i see how you have locked in for others

just found out that being hypermobile can make trying to have good posture painful which makes soo much sense

took a gabapentin and now i am going to sleep

that was the first panic attack ive had in awhile i slept awful i have not seen my heart rate like that in years maybe that job isnt for me lol perhaps going back to a place that gave me stress seizures isnt the move

having to challenge agoraphobia is crazy bro just go outside

chat my anxiety sparked my heart rate up to 132 is this normal

said “how ‘bout 40?” to my partner forgetting it’s an alr reference and now i’m embarrassed about how deep i am into gorlworld

learning how to cook this year and i’m scared

on the plus side being afraid of everything health related typically means i either end up heavily restricting and or over exercising saur

i never want to look into a mirror again

i see my health anxiety has come back full force

that really helps narrow it down thanks

the whole “meat gloves” things just has confirmed my insecurity about my hands

ever so often i remember that a screenshot of one of my twts that i made during the whole ambrose/lucinda drama is on the lolc*w edtwt forum and i am just embedded in the farms for life unfortunately

having to explain to my partner that i didn’t eat the dinner she meal prepped for me cus im afraid of diabetes

diabetes is literally one of the scariest diseases to me i need to figure this out

the sugar addiction, bed combo is kicking my ass

thinking back to how i ate as a teenager is crazy, i’m so lucky my highest weight was only in the 200s… butter popcorn w/ a melted cup of extra butter, 4 corndogs at once, a whole family size bag of cheeto puffs, cheese stuffed crust pizza dipped in the icing that comes w/ the cinnamon sticks..crazy

going to try and cut out soda this year i dont even like it i just drink it to have something else besides water

got told i have no humour but they also called me pretty in the same sentence

using the air fryer for the first time im scared

they wanted me to verify my age but then the verification page just kept saying error so i had to email support and then they took forever so i was just stuck out of my account smh

new year’s resolution is once again to lose weight but i’m serious this time

i’m back in 😼

alright my christmas haul ((: the blanket underneath was also a present

i cant wait for everyone’s christmas hauls they make me so happy

starting off strong. happy holidays guys

just got uninvited from christmas to my inlaws 😋 i did not want to go anyways they are horrible to be around but it still doesn’t feel good

appointment with my new psych today and i am nervous for some reason idk!! i love talking about myself idk why i am scared

my partner begged me to take my zoloft again so unfortunately i am back on the ssri grind

my partner went to school with jake and logan paul and they bullied her so i love being the first to tell to her when something bad happens to them

can’t stop bingeing

laying in my spot and straight cheesin about it too

just a girl and her nosy ass cat

for the past 40 mins theres been police in my complex yelling at someones door that they have a warrant for them, they need to come out or they’ll use force and have heard a few bangs (not guns so idk what it is). i can hear them telling people to go back inside cus it’s not safe 😋 umm good morning

alright back to focusing on my e/d until my next interview

america is a NIGHTMARE

can i lose some weight please

finally changed my interaction settings. no more n*rmalsky comments 🙏

i got the job!!

job interview today… just gotta keep reminding myself.. am i a noob or am i a gangsta 💯 lets get that bag

ok yayy ♥️

my partner got me the pearl christmas topper i am so happy

took an edible so it’ll hit right before i eat pie

right after i ate too i’m gonna off myself

yayy library haul

11 cups of water has me fucking losing it

took the tiniest sip of my partner’s monster and i literally felt it in my frontal lobe how are y’all drinking these