i feel like fuckin puking

I think the one thing that will forever make me extremely depressed and angry is that I started losing hair at fucking 16

i wanna get a knife and cut deeper but i don't wanna go to the er again

I do sometimes wonder if i'd be happier if i was more open about being trans but then I remember what the world is like both online and offline and i get scared

i'm off my meds and I've barely had anything to eat today and I can feel it

bruises

fuck my tumblr got nuked again jfc

time w/ my beloved

anyways.... study of a drawing I saw on pixiv

someday i'll be brave enough for boob pics uuu..........

it's really no wonder i've burned almost every friendship i've ever made and i'm never gonna learn

overthinking a mild online faux pas. killing myself because of a mild online faux pas

save me 2014 camera (someday i'll learn to use u properly)

i'm running out of surgical tape again fuck

I should be dead

it's such stupid fucking nonsense and I loathe the people who made it happen and I loathe the world that let it happen in the first place

I feel so trapped in general and I like. idk. things should not be like this. i don't know if I have the energy to figure out how to get out, and I am so fucking isolated from everything I don't know where i'd go, or where to start, or how to do anything

I need to like. cry into a pillow or something.

wanna cut but it's also so fuckin cold and raining aaaaaaaaa

daydrinking

I wish i was a doll and I could just get rid of the shit I hate and be cute forever. i don't want flesh anymore. I don't wanna live like this. i don't wanna think about bone structure anymore

my brain is all over the fucking place today and i don't think i'm even making sense anymore. whatever. I want a cigarette

I wish i could get closer to people and truly love them. I wish I could be there for all of them.

sometimes i see something that is so cute in such a specific way that it makes me break down in tears and makes me so fucking emotional is that a normal reaction to have

I can barely get myself to fucking cook anything god

for the past like month i haven't been able to get myself to take a proper shower or brush my teeth or do even the most basic skincare and like. idk what to do about it.

wanting to cut deeper. wanting to cut more. wanting to cut vertically. wanting to let myself bleed.

idk if i'm just numb or lethargic or both

i am way too much of a coward and i can't even take a video of it. I just freeze.

I rly need another weighted blanket I still feel lke crying every time I think abt how much worse I've been sleeping these past couple of years w/o one

i'm posting too much again

i still don't know if I actually find sh sexy or if I'm just really fucking desperate for someone who can love me and accept me in such a way that it's not seen as a sign i'm a freak. or for someone who can look at me and think i'm cute not in spite of my scars but because of them.

it is so fucking cold tonight

unrelated to anything it is kind of insane how even though i'm hypothetically in a better place mentally (or i'm getting really good at fooling myself) so much still makes me feel like nothing is real. or rather it makes me wish it wasn't real bc it is real and it's fucking disgusting.

it's probably the insomnia talking but recently i've been getting this localized phantom pain type thing on my back when I think abt having wings and like. it probably doesn't mean anything but by god do I yearn for pretty angel wings.

once again thinking abt how i wouldn't mind being paid to take a video or photo of me slashing my wrists or thighs. but where tf do I find ppl for that. where do I sign up. am I even desirable enough for that to be like, an appealing thing.

god i haven't had anything that isn't coffee and an energy drink today

it's hitting me that it's been like a bit over 8 years that i've pretty much exclusively been wearing longsleeves and pants.

why's my brain hate me so much I can't even be a girl in my dreams. like every time i wake up it makes me feel like shit almost entirely bc of that

alcohol makes me so sleepy...

FUCK WHY CAN'T I BE A THIN PRETTY GIRL AAAAAAAA

I was gonna say my head's been hurting a bit like the whole day but i've only been awake for like what. 5 hours.

cutting to my fave vtubers having fun w/ their friends

I get attached too easily....

head hurts and I rly don't even wanna move today

my body is so fucking tired

nausea when I eat too much nausea when I eat too little

my curtains r so blue and they make for really bad lighting