Omaha, we made it!

OMAHA MAYOR: Welcome to the 47th day of February [Pothole size rises] [Pothole keeps getting bigger] MAYOR: yes [city engulfed by pothole] MAYOR: oh god yes

FOUR-YEAR-OLD: *about to do something reckless* ME: that's probably not a good idea FOUR-YEAR-OLD: welp I'm already doing it

this thread is harrowing but these lawyers are fucking heroic

What the heck, when I asked if I could keep my ribs from the TOS surgery I was told no, only for religious exemption.

PERSON IN FRONT OF ME AT WALGREENS: yeah I'm here to pick up my prescription and also can you recite the dictionary to me and explain quantum mechanics

PUNT GOAT

I need no more points scored and I'll win squares

Seahawks special teams co-MVPs

Whoever created digital de-aging deserves to be in jail

That Clydesdale is gonna pray to mecca

I would like to watch a second half of the halftime show instead

Halftime show SLAPPED

The Dunkin commercial would've been better without the cgi de-aging

hey copilot is it good when the football player runs fast

So all we get is ads for AI, gambling, and pharmaceuticals

Darnold is throwing dimes

the Philadelphia Patriots, everyone is always saying

Look I probably didn't make these well but they tasted good and no one can take that from me

wait so they can just like, play a super bowl without the chiefs participating?? that seems illegal

Getting a sunburn in Omaha on February 8

RIP Terrance Gore, one of the most breathtaking baserunners I've ever seen. Absurdly fast and he wouldn't slide until he was like six inches from the base, yet rarely over slid.

Finally I can handle my banking and job applications with the same app

I don't want to overstate things but the person responsible for SUPER KITTIES deserves to be in prison

Toughest congressperson in America rears back for a punch, and refuses to cut short townhall, after asshole sprays her with something.

If someone greets you with the phrase, "cold enough for ya?" over the next three days, you are legally entitled to financial compensation up to one million dollars

There is no redeeming this, no amount of training that can fix the rot at the heart of this institution. Any Democratic official that votes to give this agency a penny is betraying our country.

"I know" - my four-year-old after being told something for the 8th time or after being told something for the 1st time or after getting a response to a question she asked or after hearing how to calculate the mass of a planet while juggling flaming swords or after

This is still very true

Play started at the 15, he threw it from the 40 off his back foot to the back of the end zone man HWHAT

ARE YOU BLEEPING KIDDING ME

Idk if Caleb Williams is Good, but he most certainly is Fun.

We are preparing for the worst AFC Championship Game in the history of the world

Can't decide if this is the best worst game or the worst best game

Will Anderson Jr is A Problem

Has CJ Stroud thrown a football before

*game show host voice* Josh Allen and the Bills were eliminated from the playoffs by the AFC West champion, so it's time tooooo... BLAME! THE!! REFS!!!

We have a very popular bodega called Casey's

Three-year-old me had a solo world's strongest toddler competition by throwing a brick into the air as high as possible. On my last toss I impressed myself so much that I forgot to move out of the way. Lots of blood, no stitches, cool scalp scar.

That Kingsley hurdle was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen

That's a Tanking Timeout

Butker literally can't do anything correctly

I need Kelce to come back next year even if it's to suit up for a single snap. This barf-as-a-football-game cannot be the last game he plays

This Chiefs/Raiders game is an affront to the game of football and God Himself. His creation will be punished for such an abomination.

Congress, Now More Than Ever, Our Nation Needs Your Cowardice https://theonion.com/letter-to-congress/

We are not off to a strong start

Tell me you're a dad without telling me you're a dad

It is still 11:00 in The Good Time Zone but I am WASHED so happy new year everybody

Some good things happened this year, but 2025 was largely, to borrow an academic term, a pile of shit. Hoping for more good things and fewer bad things in 2026.