The thing I want more than anything en is to go to a full service, all-inclusive spa in a warm place. I want them to take my phone and lock it away. I just want to sit and drink wine and read a book for like 3 days.

Service provider: We regret to inform you that we will be increasing prices. Nothing has changed and you receive no additional service. Thank you. Consumers: 🖕🏼

I just learned what HYROX stands for and idk how any of you take yourselves seriously.

Might fuck around and delete all my socials because they contribute to my anxiety and depression more than they provide value.

The boys are being extra cute today.

Getting there. Down 12. 11 to go.

I'd love to celebrate Bondi's ouster, but I'm pretty sure we'll get someone much worse after her. Either way, Bye, Bye, Bondi!

Twice this week I’ve had the same dream. In the dream I’m walking through a park and find my friend that recently passed who is walking my dog. Instead of my elderly dog, I see her when she was 4 or 5. We say hi, hug and then we walk on. Both so sad and heartwarming.

I’m not gonna shame the man for cross dressing, but why are his nipples so misaligned?

Hate to break it to ya, but JK Rowling’s TERF ass is getting $20M per season of the new Harry Potter and is reportedly donating her money to anti-trans causes.

Trader Joe’s cannot exist without an unhinged parking situation.

I just got a massage and he applied so much pressure on my back that I got a nosebleed.

She really said I’ll make you gays dance to songs about me being a mom and we will.

Sexistential feels like a love letter.

In a fit of self pity over my injured back, I moved all those “save for later” items to my Amazon cart and hit purchase. Whoops!

Damn. The Treasury just announced the US insolvent meaning we do not have enough money to pay our debts. I feel like it’s time to go.

Markwayne Mullin is now the Secretary of DHS and I'm legitimately afraid for all of us. Noem was a pawn. This guy has an agenda. Not good for any of us.

New bed. Same snuggle.

My sleep app told me my snoring increased to 2 hours. Turns out most of it was kitten purrs.

Note to self. Warmup before a workout. Hurting your back cause you’re rushing is lame. -10/10. Do not recommend.

Y’all go wish @samaboutown.bsky.social a very HAPPY 40TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!! Love ya buddy!

I spent 1:1 with a friend tonight and felt what happy feels like again. I’ve surrendered my life to my job and ignored what I need in order to make space for it. Exit strategy forthcoming. I don’t care about the $$. I need to be happy.

I know coyotes live in my neighborhood and I’m still shocked every time I see one.

I would kill for Taco Bell rn.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Juliana Stratton wins Democratic nomination for U.S. Senate in Illinois primary election.

@juan2tree.bsky.social you’re missing it.

Someone kiss him!

Laura Loomer really does look like Jigsaw without the makeup.

Can we please skip to Friday? I’d like to go dancing with my friends.

New columns on the White House? AYFKMRN???

Anyone have any good shows they’d recommend?

If I have Detroit-style pizza on Pi Day does that count as celebrating the occasion properly?

Hiding in my apt until it’s no longer St. Patrick’s Day weekend.

I’m having dinner next to a trans boy who’s having a birthday dinner with his grandparents. He’s getting ‘boy’ gifts for the first time and everyone is so happy because he’s so happy. This is how the world should be.

Evidently the sluttiest thing I’ve ever done was get a thigh tattoo.

Mrs. Kirk really leveraged her husband’s murder to her advantage.

I swore I saw Blair St. Clair at the gym, but nope. Just another beautiful lesbian with short hair and sharp eyebrows.

I hear smoking cigarettes boosts dopamine or something like that and my workday today is making want to smoke a cigarette for the first time ever.

1 week into the cut. Down 3lbs. Still pale.

Also, as a reminder, Donald Trump is all over the #EpsteinFiles and this war is an attempt to make us forget.

I realize that I likely won’t have the opportunity to vote for a democrat that has a chance of winning without AIPAC support and that infuriates me to no end.

It’s so freeing when you stop fighting for what was and accept what is now. Oprah was right. Listen when they tell you who they are.

What do you do when a friend dies? You sit with the silence they leave behind. You grieve the space they held— and give thanks their pain is gone. Rest in Peace, Karen. ❤️🐍

Do you think she has to repay her former employer for the Mar-a-Lago face? Was that like FlexEd money?

Nearly took myself to the ER and then remembered I beet juice in my smoothie this morning. 😅

Puppy is very grumpy this morning.

Day 1 of the cut. Weighed in at 204.1 lbs.

Is it weird to go to a bathhouse with friends?

Let me tell ya, autoimmune disease is fucking rough. One day you’re just fine and the next it’s uncomfortable to stand. Crossing fingers this passes by relatively quickly.

Owning a cat is weird. I never thought I'd say 'I don't have time for a biscuits trance rn, Xavi'.