the password is i_hate_alan

Tonight’s dumb napkin cartoon…

E and I were listening to the radio in the car: E, “oh, ALL things considered? Have you considered a banana wearing sunglasses riding on a boat??”

This took me entirely too long to make

Best costume I saw today was two of my regular customers, they work in receiving at a local warehouse. They were mister clean and the brawny guy

Change one letter, ruin a candy. Terds

Listening to the game on the radio and catching the YouTube highlights in the morning: the BusDad baseball experience

Sober October Ends As Deer Realizes Apple He Just Ate Fermented https://theonion.com/sober-october-ends-as-deer-realizes-apple-he-just-ate-fermented/

I am taking a stupid walk for my stupid health.

VT and NH are in such a severe drought, they’ve parked a huge firefighting helicopter at Lebanon Municipal Airport. It’s cool as hell to look at until you remember that it’s there because of climate change

Suck it Yanks

Actually this particular sign is one you probably should obey in advance.

“Oi I’m the Queen innit”

When everyone is getting raptured but it’s literally Rosh HaShanah

Grateful Dead, Radiators, Phish, any Beethoven symphony or string quartet, Shostakovich, Stravinsky

“Maybe I met him on some boys’ trip? I feel like I’ve seen his penis before. Have we ever gone swimming at the same time? You have a mole right here under your rib cage, right?” said Trump

You talk to your father like that during Truck Driver Appreciation Week?

So I own a 215 year old house. I’m getting the house painted this year. Painter came out and gave me an estimate. Expensive. Said there was a lot of rot to take care of before he paints. Had a carpenter come out and look at the rot. He did his thing. Expensive.

Today I’m out with the flatbed, delivering and picking up moving cubes. I was on a back road in NH, and some lady stops to ask what I was doing. Me: “huh?” Her: “We just don’t know what you’re doing here with your machine.” Me: “oh. Well, that’s okay.” Her: 😑

The National Truck Driving Championships are in Minneapolis NEXT WEEK! I drive on Thursday; running order is TBA. I’m very excited!

Did you guys know there are 621,000 bridges in the United States? #truckingfacts #facts

If someone comes up with a way to drink coffee while lying flat in bed, instant billionaire.

Latkes, preferably made by my mom

I met a baby turtle

Shit my ex says in all seriousness

Once again I am asking for your support: I am competing in the three-axle class at the Vermont state truck driving championships this Saturday. My goal is to get back to nationals, which is in Minneapolis this August. Wish me luck!

Dinner tonight: simmer sauce pork chops, garlic green beans and basmati rice 👌

“The pope will be from Chicago” sounds like an 1880s Republican’s dire prediction for if we don’t stop Irish immigration

Daaaaaaaa pope

I don’t understand why we’re deporting hard working immigrants when cigarette smokers are right there

Dropped ice cream on the baby’s head

I have made CHEESE BOYS

It is prohibited to perform a dance to express your forbidden, unconsummated love for the bus driver.

Stomp stomp stomp

I have officially lost it

Money is stored in the gold man sacks

Pretty nuts if you ask me

Gold man sacks

I’m just saying they haven’t tried a Jewish pope yet

Days like Easter and Christmas are the days when I revel in being divorced from my ex. I don’t have to go to any awful brunches or egg hunts with people I have to pretend to like. Today was just Sunday. I meal prepped for the week. Gonna make fried rice for dinner. Bliss

Easter. “He is risen.” Great. Well now it’s all of our fuckin problem

‘Show Me Where You Make Autism!’ Shouts RFK Jr., Storming Sour Patch Kids Factory theonion.com/show-me...

All of northern New England rises up in refrain:

I wish I lived closer to dim sum

Yeah, I’m forklift certified 😎