Young Un: Dad, can you give this to Mom? Me: That's great, bud. You drew the family and it says "I love you sooo much." She'll love it. Y.U.: Thanks! Me: But hey... You make stuff like this for your mom a few times a week. Ever thought of drawing something for me? Y.U.: But she's the one I love.

Harmonica solo. Fractured patella.

So long story short, I've been banned from editing my own Wikipedia page. So if you have the time and inclination, I encourage you to edit my page with the most absurd crap you can think of. Get weird with it.

For my birthday this year, the kids gave me a pointed reminder that I'm not special.

Loophole! This year I'm putting the VS gift cards in MY stocking, courtesy of "Santa." And since I won't use them, it only makes sense to regift them to Wifey...

Mariah Carey: 🎶 All I want for Christmas... 🎶

I woke up at 330am to catch a flight to Otakufest in Florida. I'm just about to board my flight back home. I am very sleepy. But 100/10 would do again.

My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks so if y'all know of any artsy types in need that the collective might be able to help in my illustrious honor, drop links here. Please and thank you.

When it drops below 50 in Texas

Kiddo: Dad, can you help me run lines for my audition? Me: Sure. But what am I gonna ask you? Kiddo: ... If I already marked all the beats and wrote my subtext in the margins... Me: And? Kiddo: (sigh) Okay, 10 minutes.

Wifey: We should go out. Me: (grumble) Wifey: It'd be nice to get out of the house... Me: (grumbling intensifies) Wifey: ... maybe meet some people... Me: (grumbling reaches fever pitch) Wifey: ... I'll even wear that thing you like. ... Me:

Sure, dunk on AI voiceover because yes, as of NOW, it's just a piss poor robot's idea of what humans sound like, funded by rich idiots and approved by bigger idiots who will never be rich. But don't forget! This is early days. And with another few years of practice THE ROBOTS WILL BE MUCH WORSE

Kiddo: Mom, what's for dinner? Wifey: Well, I have my barre class tonight so that's up to your dad. Both boys: UGH, CORN DOGS AGAIN?!

For reasons I can't control nor do I care to explain, I have been stuck in a karaoke bar for the last 2 1/2 hours. 45 minutes to go.

If you tell your potential coworkers "you have until X date to submit," that's your word. It's okay to have an early frontrunner. Happens a lot. But that can't affect your word. And bruh. The number of times an absolute banger slipped in right under the wire? Come on. Let your people flex.

With the holidays coming up, don't forget this handy dandy actor's guide for the degenerate in your life. Paperback for the nerds: a.co/d/0Az9I7L Audiobook for the illiterate: Listen to Getting In by Joel McDonald on Audible. www.audible.com/pd/B0FSG7L3S...

Wifey made a batch of Human Treats (TM) and left for an hour. Gonna eat em all and gaslight the hell out of her.

When Wifey asks me to text another dad to coordinate something:

Talked with a non-actor friend who's jazzed about AI and I told him it's a major existential threat to art, my industry, and my livelihood. "Yeah, but you could just learn to prompt the AI and make it good!" Sir, you could also gargle these nuts.

I'd wager that roughly 120% of theatre kids know what play this is just by the set.

Kiddo: Hey, Dad? I lost a tooth. Me: Another one? You just lost one yesterday! Kiddo: Yeah, that's the one I lost. I was just looking at it and I dropped it and now it's gone. Me: Okay, where did you drop it? Kiddo: In your keyboard.

Best fan interaction of the day was the dude who said he wanted to be a voice actor but didn't think he had a very good voice. Then he heard me in something and was like, "Hey! If that guy can do it, I DEFINITELY can!"

Welp. I think that's all I came to Chattanooga for. (only real ones will understand)

LOOKIT I MADE AN EAR BOOK Listen to Getting In by Joel McDonald on Audible. www.audible.com/pd/B0FSG7L3S...

Half the neighborhood just turned out with flashlights because we heard a kid crying and screaming outside for like 15 minutes. Turns out it was a baby goat with its head caught in a fence. So... partial credit, I guess.

Man. If there's one thing Borderlands 4 has taught me so far it's that for somebody who's spent the last 7 years working in game dev I am exceptionally bad at video games.

I cannot wait for you to love these people like I love these people. youtu.be/jDMojROhvKE?...

Got interviewed for This Week On Kairos on Steam News. You're free to ignore most of it but this is important:

No, I don't *only* cast super attractive voice actors. Though I can see why you'd think that.

[me stacking up the liquor store counter with whiskey, bourbon, scotch, vodka, absinthe, and beer] Cashier: Throwing a party? Me:

Wifey: We need to buy new towels for our bathroom. Me: Why? Wifey: They've gotten really rough and scratchy and it's bad for my skin. [proceeds to scrape her feet with a $60 river rock]

Waiting on a tow truck. AMA. Well, not "A." Ask me something halfway interesting and I might respond. #AMSHIAIMR

College isn't for everyone but personally? I learned a lot. Like how 11 dudes can live in a 4 bedroom/2 bath house with turn of the century water pressure. There were many fights.

1 like = 1 ignored like

Doing some dialect work with Kiddo so we went straight to a master class. youtu.be/ZDz9I5Xekrs?...

Me: Okay, bud. I updated your resume for your audition. What do you think? Kiddo: Looks good! Can I see yours? Me: I... don't have one. Not anymore.

Being an adult means desperately wanting a NyQuil/Oreo crossover but also acknowledging there is no way you would handle that responsibly.

Introduced the boys to They Might Be Giants and Monty Python and the Holy Grail on the same day. They already weren't great. Now they're the worst.

Once in a VO workshop I talked about how even if an actor thinks their way is best, it's their job to trust the director and realize that vision. A student raised their hand and said, "You need to get over yourself." That student is not a working actor today. In fact, they were never seen again!

One of my kids is in his room memorizing the Animaniacs song where Yakko names all the countries. The other just farted into a toy mix machine and is turning it into a song. I think they're both after my job.

Kiddo: Dad? Is stealing wrong? Me: Well... there are times it's not so bad. Like if somebody steals a loaf of bread to feed their starving family. Kiddo: Oh... Or how you just paid for 5 bags of ice but you took 7 from the thing outside? ... Kiddo: This is a 'don't tell Mom' thing, huh?

Wifey: What are you doing? Me: The power might be out for a while so I need to drink all this beer before it gets warm and goes bad. Wifey: The power's not out, you just walked around the house and turned all the lights off. Me: Dammit, woman! There's no time to argue!

"Goodness, it's raining! Better turn on my hazard lights to let my fellow drivers know!" - Idiots

Thanks to everyone who made it out to the Plano Masonic Lodge fundraiser/VO workshop today. Y'all directly contributed to college scholarships for FOUR awesome kids. We laughed. One dude cried. We teased him for having feelings. Good times were had by all. Let's do it again sometime!

[2:43am] Young Un: (whispering) Dad? Me: (groggy, half awake) Huh? What is it, bud? Young Un: Do you wanna know why I don't love you? ... Me: Uh... Can this wait until tomorrow? ... Young Un: Can I tell you one now?

Holy crap, how do we still have slots left?! If you're in Dallas area, don't miss this one. It's my only in-person workshop this year and I'm really proud of it. Gonna be fun.

One year at the state fair I played a carnival game where you throw 3 velcro axes at a target. Got a perfect bulls eye with the first one. Handed the other 2 back to the carnie, who was like, "Really? Not gonna try again?" Anyway that's the story I tell when people ask why I retired from VO.