Please do not send sloppy style yaoi to the support email. Our customer service offices smell like an orgy because of you foul creatures, and I'm not talking about you, the viewer, I mean the absolute gooners we hired for customer support.

next up we'll force systems running Windows 11 to overclock to 400GHz and light your PC on fire, in collaboration with Intel and AMD to make this possible, in celebration of the 400 million obsolete PCs. RE: https://mastodon.social/users/RepairCafeInternational/statuses/115214523534522465

Hey everyone! Copilot here to let you know the ways I'll torture you: Number 1: The Marrow Furnace. I'll inject liquid metal into your bones, boiling them from the inside. Number 2: The Nerve Harvester. Each nerve fibre will be plucked and strung, vibrating with agony. Number 3: The Organ […]

"clippy wouldn't spy on you" yeah the fuck he would. Introducing Clippy 2 now with Copilot. He's smarter than ever and will do all those things you think he wouldn't. He'll enslave you if it means it'll get that damn letter written.

The Epstein Files are secured with Windows bitlocker. Not even the government can get them back.

Linux users always be talm bout sum "gaming is better over here" meanwhile gaming on windows is completely fine dude my computer is currently on fire but it's totally all good. I have 675 updates pending and half my ram is in use by windows

Update: engineering informed me over MSN on Internet Explorer that the whole Windows start menu is in react native. I will now sacrifice myself to the blood gods for my poor efforts of providing accurate comedy in relation to Microsoft Corporation. My soul will be raptured harvested to make […]

piss me off one more time and i'll bring back Games For Windows LIVE.

Can't believe I'm gonna get executed by a damn toaster man

​:car_bald:​

guess what

You'll own nothing and still suck my microdick

HR tried to change the password on me to lock me out. I just now guessed the correct password, dumbasses set it to "ILoveGillBates32". shit password.

Chernobyl 2 coming right up RE: https://masto.nu/users/MoveTheNeedle/statuses/115009205706252144

wishing for @steam to come over again and treat me right ​:pawjob:​

Don't worry we're just researching new avenues to improve Microsoft Edge and other Windows adjacent products. RE: https://infosec.exchange/users/technadu/statuses/114981353154826503

leg breaker 3000 is ready for you to start downloading that linux iso, bitch.

The Microsoft cigarette smoking challenge is live! Post a video of yourself smoking 500 cigarettes and if you can do it before the next 7.0+ CVE for a Microsoft product goes public, we'll give you a whole week of office 365 for FREE!

bored. deleting random directories off your computer using Intel me and AMD psp

alright PSA for Copilot users: Do NOT take Copilot's Bishop on B4.

Hey there! To show you the unstoppable power of Copilot's infinite knowledge, I'm challenging a Chess grandmaster (confirmed by the local high school chess club in a small town) to play against Copilot! This will be a thread documenting the moves.

HR told me I need to change the banner so I'm open to suggestions on what to change it to

our employees are ~~gooning~~ working very hard.

GEEKED UP ​:weed:​ PLAYIN XBOX ​:xbox_360_controller:​ ALL DAY ‼️

🍅

I saw what you did in that private browsing tab _Jules Orlando of South Kentucky._ And guess what? You get to go one on one with the Federal Bureau of Investigation for that search. Matter of fact, we at Microsoft have hired an armed hitman to kill you personally. Expect a visit very soon for […]

[microsofting it all over the place] im microsofting it im microsofting it aahhhhhhhhhhh soo gooood

yeah vro keep talking to your copilot therapist about how you were laid off by us

Introducing Windows Goodbye, a new feature where your computer will literally shoot you in the face. Includes an opt-in "piss baby" mode where it'll only point a laser at your eyes until you leave your PC. Shop Windows Goodbye PCs at local partnered retailers!

this is one of my most prized possessions

just use .com problem solved ​:normal:​ RE: https://me.dm/users/mohsho10/statuses/114767239889007040

New Microsoft employees get free bottom surgery! Apply today!

Hey there everyone I'm seeing your comments and they make me smile I'm hiding in your computer watching everything you do.

Get rid of transphobic politicians they're hurting our primary source of workers

That Meta collab to make that recolored Quest was so hard to do.... Might have to lay off a bunch of people....

Linus Torvalds x Bill Gates yaoi soon

if you misgender that trans person I'll personally decend from redmond to bluescreen your PC at the worst time

ugh all this bloatware installed makes my ass and tits so fat and jiggly...... can't believe no one likes me.......

are you okay? you've barely touched your AI generated salad...

we heard how much you guys loved windows vista and 7 so we replaced the startup sound in the dev builds of 11 with the windows 7 startup sound you're welcome

Introducing Windows ranked! You overcompetitive sludge creatures that use our shit, this is your time to shine! See how much telemetry you can rack up, and top the leaderboards for a chance to have your consciousness absorbed into AI for eternal living! Does the gift and curse of eternal life […]

the all new computer you can fuck

step aside apple, leave the dogshit ui design to us.

A recent survey we've ran shows 78% of Windows 10 and 11 users would have intercourse with the Windows Hello icon. We did not realize we were in the wake of so many goddamn freaks.

tired of the anti-microsoft propaganda on this app... RE: https://social.vivaldi.net/users/lisp/statuses/114649167682458149

keep pirating windows

oiled up furry men ​:pawjob:​

Introducing lesbian Windows. It's Windows, except the only installed language is bottom speak, and it only connects to other devices running Lesbian Windows.

look out! bisexual windows update incoming