Fun fact: The ancient Greeks had at least four different versions of Aphrodite/us, and the cis-het fem one was the least important. That's the one you learned about in school because it's the one most acceptable to Christian bigots, but it was not the one the Greeks actually gave a shit about.

I just want you all to remember that there is an animal called the HELLBENDER, and it's this lil' guy.

I think a good thing to say as you get into the MRI machine is "For the love of God, Montresor!"

I really don't get why so many people seem to think their local fascists will take their side against the federal fascists. Or why they so frequently think the higher-up fascist-in-charge will protect them from the street-level fascist who they're currently dealing with.

"Would you like to round up for charity?" "How about this: you round the price down and the multi billion dollar company donates the difference to charity in my name."

Okay, f'real, does ANYONE here know how to get in touch with an actual human being at USPS? I got a rather unique mail delivery issue that I need to talk to a person about.

Fun fact: If you're engaged in any sort of negotiation (buying, selling, job interview, etc.) and you are offered food or drink, accept it. Even if you don't want it, accept it. ESPECIALLY if the other party is already preparing some for themselves.

Fun fact: Stuntwomen are generally much more badass than stunt men because the characters they are representing usually wear tighter and less practical outfits, meaning they have to do the stunts with less protecting padding under their clothes and often in very impractical shoes.

Fun fact: The Monopoly properties are all real places in early 20th Century Atlantic City EXCEPT FOUR: 1. Ventnor Avenue is what Atlantic Avenue BECOMES when you leave Atlantic City and enter Ventnor City to the south.

Fun fact: The verb "resurrect" is a late 18th century back-formation from the older noun "resurrection." The ORIGINAL verb form of "resurrection" is "resurge," which dates back to the 15th century.

I think soccer should revive the rule by which if the ball is kicked by another player, and you catch it in the air, you receive an indirect free kick . . . but if the ball touches your hands and you fail to catch it, that still counts as a handball and awards the opposition a direct free kick.

Where do bad folks go when they die? They don't go to heaven where the angels fly They go to a lake of fire and fry Won't see 'em again 'til the Fourth of July

Honestly I think it's fantastic that the highlight event of the White House's celebration of the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence is a sport that was invented primarily by Japanese and Brazilians.

Kirk just had good SEO. That's the only reason he was important. There's a hundred folks who do exactly what he does just as well as he does it (not very), but they just don't reach quite so many viewers. Or they didn't. They do now because Kirk's viewers had to go somewhere else to get their fix.

Honestly, I don't give a fuck what he does to the White House. Fuck that Old World nonsense. He should demolish the whole thing and replace it with a soulless business park concrete-and-glass brick.

I kinda want to put up acoustic baffles in my house, not because I have any need for them but just because I like how they look.

Gentlemen, this is capitalism manifest. youtu.be/SQQYddtvn9o

Reminder that amateurism rules in college sports are rooted in classism. What used to happen is once in a while some dude who actually worked for a living would show up and kick the asses of all the trust fundies playing college sports, and so they made rules saying he couldn't play.

The 1970s are my favorite era of professional sports because it was Big Business, but not yet Big Science, so it was just a non-stop fucking circus of irresponsible and dangerous bullshit.

I know y'all can't read her face like I can, but this is Liam Neeson the Greyhound's "I can't believe you gave me a bath" stare.

Townhouse I used to rent is for sale and the listed price is more than what I paid for but less than the current value of the townhouse I own now so I feel like that's a win.

Idea: Victor Von Doom plays the video game "Doom," and is very disappointed to find out he's not even in it.

Why is it that in so many different cultures snakes are symbolic of secret or forbidden knowledge? What is it about snakes that makes humans look at them and think, "That thing knows some shit I don't. It knows shit I'm not ALLOWED to know."

Remember that it's only entrapment if you can PROVE the guy who initiated the illegal activity was a cop. He's likely to disappear before you all get arrested.

Also worth noting that if you go far enough right, you lose your guns unless you are an agent of the state.

If Trump has all the cards, then how did Khamenei end up with a strait?

I, for one, am all for age verification, but think we should be using it to keep old people off the internet unless they provide proof of a cognitive assessment.

Fun fact: One of the reason surgical scrubs are often green is because surgeons spend most of their time staring at red/pink stuff, which can cause optical fatigue and reduced color sensitivity. The contrasting color of green relieves that fatigue by stimulating different cones on the retina.

Fun fact: Paper airplanes predate actual airplanes. They were called "paper darts" back then, and schoolchildren were especially fond of them.

I feel like Liam Neeson the Greyhound (shown here) would make a good ring-bearer for weddings. I should train her to perform this task.

fun fact: You can add more "là"s to "Oh là là" in order to express greater amounts of surprise, excitement, or disappointment. This is the traditionally "correct" usage. The additional "là"s are usually added in pairs.

I think the NFL and NCAA should allow drop kicks to occur once per snap (or after a live ball turnover) from ANY spot on the field.

Fun fact: While they make for decent theatre, nobody ever gets all the heirs together to make a lawyer read a previously unread will to them all. That's not how it happens. Ever. I suppose you COULD pay a lawyer to do it that way, but no one ever does.

Felt delightfully devilish. Might purchase fast food and disguise it as own cooking.

Dear young people: Folks in their late 30s through 50s will often say "ten years ago" when what they really mean is "when I was in my early 20s." Feel free to remind them that they are old by pointing out that was actually 20, 25, even 30 years ago.

Fun fact: I went to high school with someone named Jimmy. Not James. Jimmy. His FATHER'S name was James, but he was not James, Jr. He was Jimmy. That's literally what they put on his birth certificate. It was a whole thing he had to explain almost any time anyone asked for his full legal name.

Fun fact: Horseshoe crabs have been around since before bones and trees existed. They lived in a world without bones nor trees. And they also live in a world with space travel.

fun fact: The city of Florida City is about as podunk, middle of nowhere, not at all significant as you can get in South Florida. It's basically just the last place you pass through on your way to the Keys. In maximal South Florida style, it was so named as part of a massive real estate scam.

But doctor, Great Clown Pagliacci is out of network.

Pregnancy is weird, yo. Some of y'all got this organ that takes two incomplete sets of instructions on how to assemble each of two different organisms and uses them to make one or more new organisms out of the stuff that is normally used to make more of you.

Fun fact: It typically takes only 3-4 minutes of running your kitchen tap to use the same amount of water as an entire "pots & pans" / "heavy duty" wash cycle on any modern dishwasher. About the same amount of water as filling an average kitchen sink basin ONCE. Use your dishwasher.

Do you have a drawer/box full of those little allen wrenches and sheet metal spanners that come for free with shit you have to assemble, or do you throw them in the recycling like you should?

You gotta respect urushiol-producing plants for being like "Fuck humans (and maybe a few other primates) in particular."

Fun fact: Parts of Odysseus' mythical journey almost certainly would have taken him as far west as Sicily, and the scene Sorbot (pun intended) is calling "desecrating Greece" was SHOT IN SICILY and takes places during the part of the story in which Odysseus is FARTHEST FROM HOME.

Every time a conservative says, "He's still your president," that's them admitting that he's absolute shit at governing the nation, and that all that matters to them is winning the election. It's just the "Tostito's Election Bowl" to them. It's just a contest. They don't care about the nation.

I remember living in Alabama when Birmingham got its first Chipotle, and the news guy on the radio pronounced it "chiPOTTel" Classic Alabama.

Weird how when Russian oligarchs want to spend money to directly influence American elections, that's free speech, but when Americans want to spend money to get one of their neighbors out of jail, that's possibly a crime.

On this day in 1985, the Philadelphia PD drops a literal fucking bomb on a residential block, killing 6 adults and 5 children (none of whom had been convicted of any crime), and leaving 250 Philadelphians (most of whom were in no way affiliated with the wanted individuals) homeless. #ACAB

Conservatives be like: "It's very important that I never actually SEE any of your sex markers, but it's also important that I know exactly what they are from how you dress. This goes double if you are a child. This is important to me because I'm both a wanton pervert and ashamed of my perversion."