They say the best revenge is living well, but actually the best revenge is recovering lost treasure, building an entirely new identity for yourself, and using it to infiltrate every aspect of the lives of those who wronged you, only revealing your true origins once you've destroyed them utterly.

The total mass of all non-living manmade structures and products currently in existence is greater than the combined mass of all life on earth.

I support abortion, but only when it is medically necessary, like when a person is pregnant, and does not wish to be pregnant. That's when I support abortion.

Someone should make an MMO in which one of the character classes is "journalist," and you're automatically tagged as a friendly to everyone (incl. NPCs) & have no weapons, but are given a great deal of mobility, a screen cap function, and the ability to share those screencaps with other players.

When Immanuel Kant mocks the very notion of your existence, that's what we call a Ding-an-sich burn.

you sure you want to hand me that? youtu.be/42maUW6nzr4

Cops are never to be trusted.

Weird how Erika Kirk begged god to forgive the white dude who shot her husband almost immediately, but can't seem to turn the other cheek for the black dude who made some silly jokes about her. I guess we can tell what matters more to her when it comes to her dead husband or her public image.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Let he who is with exactly one sin cast the second stone. Let he who is with exactly two sins cast the third stone. And so on in that fashion until every stone is cast.

Saw what looked like an ad for a shoe with unusually big, chunky laces, which I really liked the look of . . . but it was actually a children's shoe with regular round laces, made to look chunkier by the smallness of the shoe.

People who regularly do and say heinous shit that they're ashamed of assume everyone else is constantly doing the same, and are always surprised and disappointed when they come up empty.

Fun fact: Not only can you transpose just two letters to turn Fort Lauderdale, FL into Fart LouderDale, but if you do so on an envelope or shipping label, it'll still get delivered properly. Everyone knows where Fart LouderDale is.

Storytime: So I used to live in a neighborhood with a LOT of people slangin' dope. No violence. No turf battles. Nothing that actually harms anyone. Just business. All great dudes. They knew which cars belonged to people who lived in the area, and would make sure THOSE cars never got broken into.

TACO! Get yer TACO here!

I think it's weird that some of the holes in our bodies kinda seal themselves up and some can't do that. They should all be able to do that, even if their default state is "open."

Y'know how you wanna get your steps in? Yeah? You should also get your sidesteps in. That is, stepping directly to one side, then the other. It works several muscles that you generally don't work otherwise.

I'm just saying we should try government by sortition. I very much doubt it could be much worse than . . . this

Sometimes I get a student in my Intro class whose first submitted essay is SUSPICIOUSLY good for an intro class, and so I look at their Advisement notes and they're always a non-degree-seeking student, so I'm like, "Oh, they're just here because they WANT TO LEARN. That explains it."

fun fact: People who are blind from birth will still occasionally use the deictic gesture of pointing when referring to a known location or direction, even though they've never actually SEEN anyone point at anything, and the gesture is not useful to them as the audience.

Fun fact: Coelacanths, which have lifespans similar to humans, but take over 40 years to reach sexual maturity, and gestate their eggs within their bodies for about 5 years, the longest internal gestation of any known animal.

I'm just saying Fight Night Champion is the best boxing game ever made, and it's a shame EA just abandoned the series to instead focus on their awful UFC titles.

And it's not just trans folks and allies that think this. Every time Rowling makes a royalty dollar, she PERSONALLY feels more validated about the festering bile that spews out of her rancid shitmaw.

I'm just saying that, musically speaking, "Nookie" is a fucking banger.

Fun fact: The voice actor hired to read the "Mind the gap" announcements for the London Underground wanted ROYALTIES, so they fired him and simply used the test reading the sound engineer had recorded. They did pay the sound engineer the same that they would have paid the VA.

Friendly reminder: Don't talk to cops.

The disgusting and undeniable privilege of being able to BUY A NEW HOUSE to escape sidewalk chalk. I can barely afford to buy the new driveway I desperately need.

Why yes, I do own a Geiger counter. Why wouldn't I?

Does SpongeBob's shirt go up UNDER his head spongeflesh, or are his sleeves separate garments from his collar and shirtfront?

New hire at work is an older lady, and while she is very nice & there have been no complaints about her, she feels the need to Reply All to every mass email that we receive, confirming that she has received and understood said mass email. Hopefully, some superior kindly asks her to stop.

Today I thought about the time I was in Tallahassee, Florida (Korean population of approx. zero) and a church van pulls up to me (a young black man with no Korean ancestry). I notice they are a Korean Presbyterian church, and their English is not very good, so I say, "학생 예배당을 찾고 계신가요?"

I think if you win Bingo vertically, you should have to shout out what your winning spaces spells. So "Iiiii!" or "Bbbbb!"

I'm constantly tempted to buy a van mainly because I think it'd be easier to steal shit if I had a van.

where the "all lives matter" crowd at? Shouldn't those fucksticks be mad about this?

I generally don't encourage people to enlist, but I'd say the #1 benefit of enlisting is that you can just make up any old shit about what you did while enlisted and prospective employers will believe you.

"An elegant weapon for a more civilized age," says Obi-wan, thinking about the time he used it to chop off three of a man's limbs and then left him fully conscious and begging for death as an active volcano scorched what was left of his flesh.

Never forget that if you make money from your own labor, you're not a capitalist. Anti-capitalists have no beef with you if it's your OWN work that's enriching you. Capitalism is exploiting OTHERS' labor for one's own profit.

I'm just saying that since Venezuela beat the USA in baseball, they should get to blow up some of our boats now.

🎶It's like ten-thousand bassoons 🎶When all you need is a fife

I had a dream last night in which someone I know did something for me that made me feel INCREDIBLY LOVED AND HAPPY and that's literally the only thing I can remember about the dream.

Do you think "love the sinner; hate the sin" Christians would find "love the Christian; hate the Christianity" a loving response? Because they obviously should.

Why do humans live so long. This SUCKS. It is within the realm of possibility that I might go on living EVEN LONGER than I've already lived and that is fucking awful. Why would I want to have to do ALL THIS again, but old this time?

I love Dion and all, but it seems like he knew he was getting into with Runaround Sue. Like I'm not getting any indication that the relationship was ever understood to be monogamous, and it was an obviously unreasonable expectation on his part.

I can remember like two times in my life that I did my best, and it was not at all worth it. Stop doing your best. Do your good enough.

fun fact: When the Geneva Conventions banned the used of flamethrowers as an anti-personnel weapon in 1980, the U.S. refused to sign because we'd just developed a new flamethrower in 1979 and hadn't gotten to murder anyone with it, yet.

I'm just saying Turians should have more and thicker plates on the parts of them that generally face the sky, given the canonical purpose of their carapace.

Me: "We need to talk about your exam before I grade it. Come see me after class, during office hours, or make an appointment if those times don't work for you." Student: *drops class* Well, that answers most of my questions.

"I don't see any feedback professor. You said you'd give my paper feedback, but I just got a grade and nothing!" "There is a notice embedded in the assignment instructions AND next to the drop box AND in a class announcement AND in an e-mail, which is entitled 'How To View Your Feedback'."

Shouldn't they be asking Congress? They have plenty of money, both individually and in their professional capacity.

Y'know how some keys are marked "do not duplicate"? That's not legally binding. There's no enforcement apparatus. You can duplicate those keys all you want. It's just a polite request, which reputable key cutters once regularly honored.

Man, I wish lighthouse keepers were still a thing. I'd keep the fuck out of a lighthouse. You'd never see a better kept lighthouse, I tell you what.