I'ma start cooking crack in my le creuset

Tonight we let the ashwagandha do the talking

Call me sisyphus the way I push that rock

growing up there weren't any screens but my parents would limit my "newspaper time"

Baffling the hoes

Got run over yesterday by a car and the driver was like: R u okay???? And I was like: I can't even with u

Working on a documentary for Max about the Hawk Tuah meme coin rugpull!!

My favorite part of Nosferatu (2024) is when nicholas hoult asks Nosferatu his pronouns

My girlfriend is a crazy ass white boy smh

My much older girlfriend just told me I'm "over-determined"

Where are my fucking well-wishers I need u rn

My brother got the vaxx and it turned him straight smh

Reading Hamlet, this man should low-key get his ass in therapy !! Ha ha

My three year old son keeps telling me that phantom menace was "dark woke"

Is there a way I can use the trolley problem to get out of a DUI ?

My ops often act in a manner I would describe as uncouth

All my homies are bellicose

The Substance (2024) could have been good if they recast demi moores character with someone younger and hotter

we need a pope who really likes jacking off

we need a pope who is a Jewish guy

we need woke stalinkas

She rasa'd on my tabula until I

First as tragedy then as farce THEN as screwball comedy

I'm acab except for EMTs

Kendrick watching a physical comedy from the silent film era : BUSTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Kendrick in the patisserie: CUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD

Shakespeare could have been great if she had had a laptop

All my ops are pro choice which I also am

I love my ops except for the gay ones those ones I adore

my ops are mostly Learned doctors

all my ops have beautiful bodies

all my ops have particular taste

they're making it illegal to be Luka Doncic