It would be beautiful if just once an nfl quarterback said "diversity" instead of "hike"

That's my mayor 🥲

Look at this plate of bbq I just got

Oman coming out of this splitting the Hormuz fee

He's so crazzzzzzzy! Love him!!!

My only checkbook is from Washington mutual which folded in 2008.

Back in the day, if you wrote a song called tubular bells you'd hear them the whole time but in the 70s you gotta wait 20 minutes of other instruments until you finally hear them in the last 3 minutes

Look at this weird bird!

We should only fall back every daylight savings change.

Not sure google search even works anymore.

My son is now sick with a fever after my wife got sick which happened after my son was originally sick.

I always think these parents have to double down on not vaccinating otherwise you need to admit you killed or disabled your kid for no fucking reason

I was born in 1991 🤭

Pretty cool being in Seattle right now. My son has never seen any other team but the Seahawks win the superbowl.

Was looking up the Italian national anthem and this playlist showed up...

What if this happened to a republican? What if it scared them so much they pooped their pants? Democrats would mention the smell. They wouldn't let it go. They'd say that republican pooped his pants so bad. That's the type of America democrats want.

Go dawgs!

It's actually cheaper to pay the ticket for illegally parking than pay airport parking. Smart

I assume ICE will be occupying Seattle soon and while it will be a nightmare I am excited to tell all my rural family that Tren de Aragua is in fact not running illegal trafficking operations out of our farmers markets

Bill Walton remains the most interesting man

I won't let the bullies win! I'll give them my lunch money everyday for the rest of my life if I have to.

This ai ad is about creating a workout plan to do a pull up. What is this plan? How many days do you work out? 5 on 2 off?? What exercises do you do what day?

Just had a great workout thinking about how much I hate ICE and letting it fuel me. Probably worse for my mental health though.

Why would you ever need anyone around today balance a checkbook. It's done automatically online. That would be an insane thing to teach someone. They learn how to add and subtract still!

In the Louisiana tech and coastal Carolina game some player decided to just run come off the sideline to make a tackle!!! Something new every day.

My buddy made me this mug and it rules.

Cars are evil. Took the water taxi to pike place market today with the wife and it's so nice on the waterfront now that we removed a fucking highway.

If you are at all aggressive you can rule the Pacific Northwest. All we know if passive aggression. If someone told me to beat it I would! I would then tell all my friends about the rudest person ever and how I made a snide remark under my breath as I left. That's how we roll.

It's pretty cool all stoner metal bands agreed on a list of about 5 words every band name needs: witch, wizard, acid, dope, and weed. You can use other words but one of those have to be in it. Probably bong too

It'd be funny if the god in question was the light of Allah.

Gonna make a "come and take them" bumper sticker but for children's Tylenol

Being a prestige journalist must be the easiest job in the world if she just got fired. I can barely fuck anyone associated with my work without getting fired.

Can AI win at chess yet?

Tired of people asking me what it's like to fly the space shuttle. It rules! Duh

James dean 🤗

A functioning government would ban loud motorcycles. Straight to jail for revving your bike.

Imagine showing these ancient people a Segway

If stores played better music than the same 20 pop songs I'd ve more empathetic to people complaining about Christmas music but like what are you missing out on?

Shoutout to the people who don't believe in the yeti but do believe in Bigfoot. "Obviously large hirsute human like beings are real but they would not survive the cold of the Himalayas."

People can argue thanksgiving food but I have the ultimate opinion which is dessert is bad. Not that good and bad for you. If I'm gonna eat more food at a meal I'd rather just have a small bit of a different entree. Finish my lasagna and then try the gnocchi for dessert.

Like this is a trash account but why is this AI? You can get normal pictures of them!

It's kind of fucked no one played me a rum-pa-pum-pum when I had my kid.

Because it's a banger

Oh hell yeah alphabet book!!! Repping the greatest wooden dome in the world. Umbrellas can go to hell though

9/11 is a really great day for music. The blueprint by jay z, moldy peaches album, mercury rev's all is dream and the best of course being the glow pt 2 by the microphones. Sadly a second 9/11 occurred with the release of silver side up by nickelback

It's wild the poppy was chosen based on in Flanders fields. The funeral in the poem is flr someone who died at Ypres which was the first mass use of chemical weapons. Let's commemorate feeding our children into the mechanized war machine.

Dude is 70 years old. Fucking hang out with your grandkids and retire.

Check in on all your sailor friends today. They lost 29 of their own that awful day 50 years ago. And if you don't have any sailor friends go find a dive bar by some docks and make friends. You won't regret it.

I'm watching Frankenstein and if I had a Frankenstein I think I'm a good enough father he wouldn't turn into a monster. He'd be chill.