Oldest selfie on your phone. Does photo booth count? November 2011! Freshman year of college.

And next week, this. Momentum is on our side, STREAM!!!!!

Omg I hit 1mil followers on here! I love all you gay guys and others. 😭 What should I do to celebrate?

Daylight SAVINGS💜

Your sweaty neighborhood Michael john

The sun was briefly out today and you bet your fine arse I got it

Lily and Demi albums both so fucking stellar and coincidentally very much give the opposite of one another so I’ve pretty much been sad happy alternating between them since Friday… one of our strongest gay new music Fridays all year!

Me and who

So how was everyone’s weekend

Who did this portrait of me in Chelsea?

I stand by what I said when it was late

Man I had a great day and I love making comedy so much. Posting for posterity because it’s also not for the faint of heart and I do be a Cancer.

This is now tonight :)

Tomorrow NYC bloomfs! I’m finishing my new material series on millennial nostalgia and working at American Apparel. Cuckoo times, then and now, and so I humbly offer some big gay giggles and a little hopecore for your hot arses. Love you! Love comedy! Let’s have some fun. 🎟️: xomichaeljohn.com

Updated to iOS 26

Stand-up clip from my monthly last month about poppers… Am I missing out? Should I try them live onstage on Friday?? Will you please like and share this post??? 🥹

Feeling particularly mentally ill these days but hey I went for a run!

Fun fact: I keep my tits on me whenever I do comedy!! I have a show next Friday at 7pm in Manhattan… they’ll be there. Will you? 🥺🙏 thepit-nyc.com/events/micha...

Everyone down here taking pics of the skyline today??? Why

MAYHEM Ball NYC hat trick!! 🖤👹 WHICH look is your favorite and WHAT limb should I sell for the 2026 shows??

Everyone say happy birthday to my beloved same sex gay life partner @brianmdudley.bsky.social who has an account on here that he doesn’t use 🥰

It’s still summer and I will remind you that no matter how many pumpkin spice hoodies you feel in the air… xo

When boys have ever so slightly jacked up teeth >>>>

WWE Smackdown ass country

Pop culture was in art now art’s in pop culture in me if you even care

Added two of the most incredible performers to the show tonight. 7p at the PIT in NYC! NYC bloomfies, if you’re around come through! Lmk if cost a barrier. ❤️

Remember American Apparel? I’m doing a new half hour of jokes & stories about working there in the company’s twilight years this Friday as part of my residency here in NYC! So excited to share this stuff about the end of a retail empire and the halcyon days of millennial bullshit! xomichaeljohn.com

I say this as a stan!!!!!

No you don’t understand I’m obsessed

Make me smile!! Come to my show Friday if you’re in NYC!! xomichaeljohn.com for early bird tix

Is this challenge just a sales drive during summer vacation/thin studio attendance? Do I like proving myself capable of stupid and difficult things? Is god dead? Is love alive? Am I a natural blonde? 🙏

The Life of an AMC Stubs A-Lister …who can see up to 4 movies a week for the low monthly fee of $24.95 ($27.99 in NY/CA), effectively paying for itself in just 2 trips to any AMC Theatre!

Yoo-hoo boys

This is so stupid lmao…

*charli xcx voice* everything is…… N E R V E W R A C K I N G .. ohhh …

Where did the term “fluffy” to describe bodies come from? It’s awful lol

On BAKE OFF, the narration will be like “it’s a scorcher in the tent as British Summer Time is in full force,” over a shot of bugs buzzing about the sun-lit tent and then they’ll cut to a shot of Paul and Prue adjudicating in knee-length peacoats… I love it

Thinking about you like

Last day of pride month

NYC Pride is a nice reminder everyone is gay actually

I’m really glad that “Michael John anticipates the next song being DJd based on the first few bars being mixed” is still a charming party trick in my hands and not as annoying as it sounds to me

Man I really love being sober on pride weekend without a trace of irony… it’s so much fun for me to be present for this stuff 🥰

I love Acid Betty and how much she rides for Cucu

Downloaded the accu-weather app last week and the notifications are all this kind of fucking unhinged boomer click bait mixed in with actual alerts, it’s horrible :)

Can someone redo the Fiona Apple album art for “when the pawn…” but with “when the chile is tea but the finna is gag sis I’m dead as a chile” for me? It was my birthday Tuesday and I got next to no nudes

It’s cancer season fall in love (with me)

HBD TO ME CUOMO CONCEDED YAYYYYYYYYY

My birthday is tomorrow and it’s pride week in nyc who’s kissin me