(Lecturing on powers of two) now eight is big, it’s over two more than four

Holy shit. I think I just had an actionable business insight

Come ray nor shine

Just fell off an escarpment

Good Friday? Yeah, they usually are! Ahaha happy weekend yall ✌️😘

One of my most capable marshals (or so I thought) just made a tactical blunder 🤦

Watching a pot right now… fucking boil already!!

Foreshadowing >>> foreshortening

(Quote tweeting) I’ve been screaming about this for years

Any ideas?

Rules for thee but not for me >>>

A message to all children: GROW UP!!

Blossoms feat. out-of-focus bald eagle

“Honestly, being a eunuch hasn’t affected my life one way or the other.” -The Nonchalant Eunuch

Just muttered the words “my enemies…” aloud while grocery shopping

Mental health is real, and it’s coming for you

The mesmerizing process of manufacturing pink popsicles

Shrinkflation—what, you mean my hyper-niche fetish?

As a software developer, there is no demon more loathed than the User. They must be oppressed and their wishes subverted

My friends’ve had enough of the city life so they’re moving out to Organic Valley

Charming period hovel with original dirt floors

Whippersnappers, young’uns etc have so much to learn…

Just learned a new swear

She has a regal stature

I’m gonna make a prediction

Hey babe I just sent you an Onion article

Singing my favorite Radiohead songs but replacing the lyrics with e.g. “My wi-ife is an Israeli, I love Israel” as a biting critique

The weather is null outside

Once I was biking and didn’t realize another cyclist had snuck up behind me to draft and I blew a snot rocket on him.

Being avoidant rules. I never have to have difficult conversations. And if that bothers you, you’re abusing me! I’m just avoidant #facts

My trad buddy has scrofula

Is there a heteronculus?

Are there other types of monculus besides homo?

My bong broke the other day so I went and got a replacement. The clientele at the head shop is approx one million times more tweaky than at dispensaries. Haven’t seen people like that in ages. I forgot they exist

“By the same token” why would you reuse a token? Broke ass

(Standing up to leave the bar): Well, better quit while I’m a- (points to my head) head

Apple music liner notes describe this as “dizzying Teutonic trance”

After all these years, I remain delighted by emojis

I’m backstabbing your ass

Well, my worst nightmare has come true: I’m a kid again and there’s a dinosaur chasing me through my old elementary school

My buddy Johnny-Come-Lately has been coming a lot lately

Ran out of powdered gatorade

Finished work an hour early. Now to get stoned out me gourd and bike 40 miles. False spring, baby

Mumbo jumbo <<<

Didn’t ask, your honor

My dog has some beliefs that are outside of the mainstream

My dog has some interesting opinions on the doordash vs cooking dynamic

My dog has solipsistic tendencies

My dog has an inflated sense of self-importance