An empowered apology liberates the speaker— Constriction relaxes Stories drop away Fear dissipates Clarity emerges Habits resolve Connection deepens

“…that is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great.” (Willa Cather)

The voice in my head that says “this is me” is no different from the toddler who thinks that their thoughts control the weather.

“Your body is not a machine, but rather a wonderfully intricate interaction with everything around you, which is why it ‘knows’ so much just in being.” -Eugene T. Gendlin (Focusing)

“[The] goal-directed way is fully absorbed by the intention to possess.” Byung-Chul Han

Trying to engineer a life without pain is the surest way to guarantee you encounter it

No reason to shame yourself for grasping All of how you are is deeply human and natural All that’s needed is to welcome—and love—those parts of you that are ashamed of themselves

“When things fall apart and we’re on the verge of we know not what, the test for each of us is to stay on the brink and not concretize.” - Pema Chodron

Forcing yourself to do the scary thing is actually just another way to not trust yourself

Alignment is a process, not a state

Sometimes the best way to still the pond is to first stir it into an absolute frenzy. At the very least, everything will settle into a new configuration.

Fear has a definite object which can be faced, analyzed, attacked, endured. One can act upon it, and in acting upon it participate in it. Courage can take the fear produced by a definite object into itself, because this object has a side with which it participates in us and we in it. - Paul Tillich

How much are you willing to risk for a shot at uncompromised joy?

When I fail to live up to love   it's because I think I need to defend myself. - Pir Elias Amidon

My 9yo daughter was nervous but resolute in her desire to go to her first protest today. She spent hours making rainbow pride bracelets and then summoned up her courage over and over to ask strangers if they wanted each one. She explodes my heart every single day.

anger and joy and grief and love I feel more whole when I don’t resist all of these happening at the same time

Any time you’re waiting for the “right moment”, you’re listening to the fear.

The versions of people you carry around in your head can often bear little resemblance to the real thing.

It's painful and overwhelming when everything that you are is yelling loudly and painfully to get your attention You can be still and watch it gentle as it learns to trust Or you can keep ignoring it until it screams itself hoarse You won't hear it anymore, but it will be a desolate quiet

Stop trying to figure out the endgame. What’s the next thing that feels right?

It’s funny how thinking I have to solve my problems keeps me trapped. Showing up authentically dissolves them. Sometimes slowly, sometimes painfully, but always inevitably.

How have you flattened or contorted or warped parts of yourself to make them legible to others?

Some answers are only found relationally. If you’re not sure, try saying it to someone and listen for what the echo tells you.

How is thinking it has to be *or* keeping you small? What would *both* *and* *all* open up in your life?

Your emotions are real—you can feel them without believing them.

I believe that every human being is inherently worthy—and also fiercely oppose those who harm others. Combating their actions and worldview shows more respect for their humanity than tolerance would.

Relationships give us the opportunity—but not the obligation—to awaken You can shrink yourself within them—or they can reveal you as bigger than you ever imagined You can lose your sense of self until you’re just a performance—or they can scour away identity until you learn who you’ve always been

Relationships often start with a performance. If we’re not careful, we perform so long we lose ourselves. Our partners are our audience, what they see—or think they see—or want to see—becomes who we are, or who we think we need to be. But we’re not the reflection, we’re the source of the light.

We grow up steeped in ways of being that become familiar and unquestioned. Unable to envision another way of being, much less how to achieve it, we create a chasm between what is and what could be. How could you wake up to what wants to be? And surrender into how life wants to play with you?

What’s under the shame you feel? Fear, anger, sadness maybe--but also possibly pleasure, delight, joy, or even just love? How much do you court shame as a proxy for those feelings? What’s another way to get them that might feel more aligned?

How much do you structure your environment, your relationships, even your internal dialogue to avoid an emotion? In recognizing how much I’ve not felt safe or allowed to express anger, I’ve come to see the walls I’ve constructed for myself to avoid it. And how small my life became in consequence.

When we fully inhabit our bodies—just being in them without seeking to control—there is so much joy in the ever-changing, ever-flowing sensations. Pain, fear, anxiety, rage can be pleasurable when welcomed without trying to change them. This is always available to us. What other refuge is needed?

Our decisions are driven by our emotional experiences When fear comes up in my system, it can be completely overwhelming And actions taken from that place don't feel good later Clarity comes when fear completely has its way with me, flows through unresisted, and then subsides when it's ready to

“I’m overthinking it…” “I should be above being triggered by this” “I could’ve handled things better myself…” How often do you take responsibility for someone’s abuse of you? Try to exert control over yourself and the situation instead of surrendering to the heartbreak of having been violated?

Boundaries aren’t about the other person They’re not about telling them what to do Or trying to get them to change They’re about what you need to do to be in alignment with yourself It’s always an action that you can take Boundaries don’t need other people to respect them They need you to

A defended heart cannot love And neither can one without boundaries

What does it mean to transform? For me, it's an experience that deeply aligns my head, heart, and gut Healing a trauma in the body that the head already doesn't believe 1/2

If you weren't afraid of coming across as too sappy, or sentimental, or earnest-- what would you say to those you love?

Avoiding the things you fear keeps you small. Forcing your way through your fear is exhausting. How can you make friends with your fears?

who I am doesn't depend on the world's gaze and yet my self-perceptions are formed by it changing what the world sees helps me update my own map of myself

How can you honor the critical voice in your head without believing it? How can you see the wisdom in your fear and your anger without buying into the stories they tell?

connection is a paradox it's a joining of one person to another and yet it requires nothing of the other person not their presence not their knowledge not their reciprocation not even that they're still alive all it takes is one person's heartfelt wish for connection in order for love to flow

What happens when you don't ask your emotions to justify themselves? When you don't tell them they're unreasonable or irrational? When you don't call yourself pathetic for having them? When shame ceases to create a constriction around your emotions, how do they flow and evolve?

“An honorable human relationship – that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word "love" – is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other. ... 1/2

When I turned 40 I thought I knew who I was and what the rest of my life would look like. Several years later, it's humbling—and thrilling—to realize how much more there is to discover about myself. What opens up when we stop thinking we have the answers and just live in wonder?

"Act so as to treat humanity, whether in your own person or in that of another, at all times also as an end, and not only as a means." -Immanuel Kant, second formulation of the Categorical Imperative

Who are you if you can't define yourself by something that has an opposite? matter <> spirit man <> woman soul <> body nothing <> everything binary <> non-binary unique <> universal What of you exists before categorization and labels?

How connected are you if you're doing something out of obligation?