To hell with it. I’ll step up and buy Warner Brothers. Help me search the couch cushions for $150bil.

If someone is ever foolish enough to put me on a game show and they ask me what I would do with the money, I would say that I would use it for vengeance against my enemies. It sounds like a funny joke, doesn’t it?

Your wife gives you a “honey do” list and you tell her that you’ll get to it eventually. She doesn’t need to remind you every six months.

What do you say to an insane naked man? “I can clearly see your nuts.”

Sure, she’s a ten, but she laughs like Seth Rogen.

I got to tell you that my Spotify Rap is that I don’t use Spotify.

My wife’s favorite flowers are peonies. I contacted an artist on Etsy from Ukraine to paint an original art piece for her for Christmas. I hope it will bring her joy. I like to think I’m a thoughtful husband, but we all know the ugly truth. 😛

I found this true crime show that’s all naked people caught on camera doing naughty things. It may be my new favorite. I think it’s called “Exposed” something and it’s one of the Discovery networks, I think. My guess is that these folks are high on something. It’s wild.

Let’s say you have a significant other of more than ten years. What’s a reasonable limit for a holiday gift. I have something in mind for my wife, but I don’t want to go overboard. I have a number in mind of about three figures.

Old man Tim here keeps seeing the name Sydney Sweeney. Am I supposed to know who that is? Is she a celebrity? To me, celebrities are people I’ve heard of. Seriously, is she meant to be famous or something? Actress, maybe?

Remember this oldie? The song is creepy to begin with, but this version takes it to the next level. Check out this video, "bill cosby baby it's cold outside" share.google/LA5bJ5y15Jsh...

We went to visit my brother’s family yesterday for a late Thanksgiving. He has two very young grandchildren so I wore my Bluey Texas Rangers jersey. He asked why I like Bluey. I said, “Because it’s awesome and funny.” I thought the kids would get a kick out of it. The older one got it. Cute kids.

Tell me something good. Anything! Something small or something big. Anything that is bringing you joy today. I’m eager to hear it. For me, music is bringing me joy. I love music. Go!

Look at these two lumps. Do you think they’re comfortable?

David Byrne is playing in Dallas tonight. We will be attending. If you’re a fan, what songs should be on his set list? I have a few that I’m hoping for. 😀

What are the good and decent people doing awake at this hour?

The idea to ask AI how long to microwave a raw turkey came to me too late to be funny.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! May the sports team from your area reign victorious today.

I got some shitty news a couple hours ago. My sister in law’s brother had a heart attack and is brain dead. They’ll be shutting down the machines keeping him alive right about now. I didn’t know him well. I’m just thinking about my brother and his family. It’s a terrible prelude to Thanksgiving.

This is still funny to me after all these years. I hope you’ll enjoy it. youtu.be/lgSCp__lU-I?...

I’ve got BBC News on as a background. They just had a story about how the UK has £3 trillion in national debt. Call me crazy, but my reaction as an American was, “Pfft! Is that all? That’s nothing. We have like $22 trillion in debt. I laugh at your three trillion pounds!”

This is an old joke, but I’ll tell it anyway. Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. The judge says, “Mr. Mouse, I understand that you want to divorce Mrs. Mouse for mental incapacity.” Mickey replies, “No, your honor, I said she was fucking Goofy! Haha!” You have to hear it in the voice.

This song is as relevant today as it was in 1979. I hope you’ll listen and enjoy. May you all be well. youtu.be/QwN2fG4wcqU?...

I have a minor issue with Apple Music listing Nirvana as Classic Rock. They either don’t know what that term means, or they’re trying to make me feel old in a passive aggressive manner. Nirvana is Grunge. That’s it. Flannel shirts and mumbling. That’s not Elvis, for sure.

It seems to me that there’s a lot of misdirection going on around here, like a magic act. By here, I mean the news. There’s ICE doing bad things here and the Epstein documents are over there. Look, there’s war in Palestine and Ukraine. Possible war with Venezuela. What’s really happening? Honestly.

It strikes me as odd when someone says, “This is a picture of me when I was younger…” Literally every picture of you is one of you when you were younger. If they said, “This is a picture of me when I was a baby…” I’d understand that. You’re clearly not a baby because you can form a sentence.

Good news: the Dallas Cowboys will not lose today. Bad news: they’re waiting for Monday.

Just finished watching “Death by Lightning” on Netflix. It’s alright. I was able to watch the whole thing. Your mileage may vary. My wife said every character should wear a name tag because everyone had a great big beard. That part does make it a bit hard to follow.

This song seems appropriate for our current environment. youtu.be/LFHcC-qoBdk?...

I’m watching this multi-part documentary about North Korea. I’m fascinated with this country. It’s deeply weird and talk about income inequality, man, they are out there. For a country that claims to be communist, they sure don’t spread the wealth. We’re getting there, though.

This Thanksgiving, I will steer the conversation away from politics into religion. That’ll show ‘em.

What’s the worst side dish someone could bring to Thanksgiving dinner? I think green bean casserole has to be way up there.

The philosophers from the band Chicago asked and answered an existential question. “Does anybody really know what time it is?” The answer is “25 or 6 to 4.”

@morna6.bsky.social You know you can just shut off DMs. That way, you don’t have to fuss around deleting them.

Let me see if I have this right. We need more immigrants because Americans don’t have talent. But, we keep rounding up immigrants and disappearing them. Who would want immigrate here? I would question their sanity. “Oh, you’re from India? Get in the back of the van. Back to Somalia!”

I’m trying to understand this fifty year mortgage thing. The average first time home buyer is roughly forty years old. Cool. Add forty and fifty and you get ninety, so the idea is that consumers just pay interest at whatever the Fed decides for the rest of their lives, gaining minimal equity.

You know what’s funny about YoutubeTV? Sure, they don’t have Disney/ABC properties anymore, but they do have an entire channel devoted to PickleBall. I’m not talking about your grandparents’ league. I mean full on championship level PickleBall!

Tell me some good news, please. It can be anything from a rescued animal to a foiled terror plot to something that happened to you recently. Anything happy or fun is good news. I want to keep positive thoughts in my mind. I’ll start. I found a penny heads up the other day. Beat that. Please, please.

Fun fact: Koalas have fingerprints indistinguishable from human fingerprints. So, bring a koala when you’re planning a crime. Throw off those investigators. It will be an adorable crime scene. I can’t wait to see those tiny handcuffs. Also, beware. All koalas have chlamydia.

In physics, there is a problem with perpetual motion. There’s friction, entropy, all of it, but if you think about it and have smoked enough weed, you’ll realize that a cat always lands on its feet and buttered toast always lands butter side down. Create a cat/toast array. Perpetual motion solved.💥

I saw recently that Mike Judge confirmed that Arlen, TX of “King of the Hill” is based on real life Richardson, TX. That happens to be where I grew up. I’m not at all surprised. I wonder if this show hits different for people outside of Texas. I can relate to all of it. He grew up in Garland.

Something is telling me that I shouldn’t try to get on an airplane anytime soon. Maybe it’s the overworked, unpaid ATC staff, or the grumpy, unpaid TSA workers wanting to shove a wand up my ass. I think I’d rather drive to a destination than to fly. Maybe I’m overly sensitive. That’s a possibility.

For no particular reason. I want you to dance. youtu.be/god7hAPv8f0?...

Dateline Chicago: ICE agent attacked with a hot dog. The agent revealed that “There was a scent of poppy seed bun and the pickle nearly speared my tactical armor. There was another offender with an Italian beef sandwich. I feared for my life when I sensed the unmistakable odor of giardiniera.”

Hi, everyone. It’s Friday and I hope you’ll have a splendidly peaceful weekend. Be well, people! ✌️❤️

Question for our Millennial and Gen Z friends: Do you like vintage media like vinyl, CDs, movies on DVD or BluRay, classic video games, or anything else like that? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Thank you and be well!

I just had this random memory. When I was 18, I visited Montréal. I was at a hostel with a couple of guys from Algeria. We frequented a brassiere that boasted a pool table. They never saw one before. In my broken French, I was able to explain the rules of 8 ball. They spoke only French and Arabic.

What do you call the pocket on the front of your hooded sweatshirt? Is it a kangaroo pouch, a pouch pocket, hoodie pouch, or something else? I feel like the word “pouch” should be part of it.

Last night was pretty wild with those elections.

The word “politics” comes from the Greek “poli,” meaning many and the English word “ticks,” which are blood sucking vermin.* *this is not an actual lecture on etymology, it’s a poorly framed joke. Thank you for your attention to this matter!!!