"I shall expect a chemical cure for psychopathic behavior by 10 A.M. tomorrow, or I'll have your guts for spaghetti." — a comic panel by Cotham

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. — Edmund Burke

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. — Albert Einstein

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurence of the improbable. — H. L. Mencken

Function reject.

When it is incorrect, it is, at least *authoritatively* incorrect. — Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy

To program is to be.

Weekends were made for programming. — Karl Lehenbauer

"You show me an American who can keep his mouth shut and I'll eat him." — Newspaperman from Frank Capra's _Meet_John_Doe_

There is no distinction between any AI program and some existent game.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

The more data I punch in this card, the lighter it becomes, and the lower the mailing cost. — S. Kelly-Bootle, "The Devil's DP Dictionary"

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. — Gilb

The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. — Robert Heller

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts -- for support rather than illumination.

It's currently a problem of access to gigabits through punybaud. — J. C. R. Licklider

We don't know who it was that discovered water, but we're pretty sure that it wasn't a fish. — Marshall McLuhan

Neutrinos are into physicists.

Even bytes get lonely for a little bit.

It isn't easy being the parent of a six-year-old. However, it's a pretty small price to pay for having somebody around the house who understands computers.

Some people pray for more than they are willing to work for.

If you push the "extra ice" button on the soft drink vending machine, you won't get any ice. If you push the "no ice" button, you'll get ice, but no cup.

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

The "cutting edge" is getting rather dull. — Andy Purshottam

The opulence of the front office door varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.

User hostile.

Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.

Loan-department manager: "There isn't any fine print. At these interest rates, we don't need it."

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development.

"How many teamsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?" "FIFTEEN!! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?"

Of course you can't flap your arms and fly to the moon. After a while you'd run out of air to push against.

I had the rare misfortune of being one of the first people to try and implement a PL/1 compiler. — T. Cheatham

Beware of the Turing Tar-pit in which everything is possible but nothing of interest is easy.

Ummm, well, OK. The network's the network, the computer's the computer. Sorry for the confusion. — Sun Microsystems

No extensible language will be universal. — T. Cheatham

The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.

Between infinite and short there is a big difference. — G.H. Gonnet

Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. — Jerome Lettvin

You need tender loving care once a week - so that I can slap you into shape. — Ellyn Mustard

Tomorrow's computers some time next month. — DEC

Remember: use logout to logout.

A businessman is a hybrid of a dancer and a calculator. — Paul Valery

"Imitation is the sincerest form of television." — The New Mighty Mouse

Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

"The pathology is to want control, not that you ever get it, because of course you never do." — Gregory Bateson

"I prefer the blunted cudgels of the followers of the Serpent God." — Sean Doran the Younger

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed." — Dorothy Parker

e-credibility: the non-guaranteeable likelihood that the electronic data you're seeing is genuine rather than somebody's made-up crap. — Karl Lehenbauer