“I had to make sure that oblong-shaped, pencil-mustachioed dork, Bruce Harrell wasn’t mayor first before I signed” ~ Josh Naylor, probably

This shootout is just the Mariners’ Detroit series and the Toronto series all in one

No way Seattle is looking at the state of the political world right now and thinks to themselves Bruce fucking Harrell is the answer. Never mind, we deserved what George Springer did.

And the Sounders will advance on aggregate after a dominating second leg in the first round of the knockout stage!

Wow the World Series truly proving baseball is broken because John Schneider is still employed to manage a baseball team.

Toronto winning is bearable as long as I don’t actually see Schneider, Springer, and the fans happy. Just exist in theory basically.

All Toronto needed to be likable was just not talk but instead they show in every instance that they just like Drake.

At least I can continue the Seattle playoff tradition of anxiety and pain with the Sounders going to penalties

So UW officially has more impressive wins than Oregon.

Between the “Mariners fans cheered Springer getting hurt” and the “Shohei hat”, John Schneider is nearly as elite at peddling bullshit for media as he is mismanaging a bullpen.

Lost in all this Mariners ALDS game 5 drama is that Humpy officially has more playoff wins than Mike Trout. Fish on fish violence.

Missed opportunity to have an LGBTQ night in Seattle on the day of Kershaw’s last regular season start.

If Etsy Witch is woke, she will consider how funny it would be for Nick Bosa to be nursing a torn ACL and watch his alma mater lose to a team in Seattle led by a Black QB.

Apparently being a Yankees fan means you are elusive to how the top 1 offensive player that lacks a relevant defensive acumen can be compared to a top 3 offensive player who is also a top 5 defensive player at a premium position.

My greatest work as an Instagram story maker.

There are few plays that deserve to be referred to as “The (type of play)” Victor Robles just did one. In Seattle, that is “the catch”

“Zevi Eckahus reminds me a lot of Baker Mayfield” They’re just white, man, c’mon.

Is Ducks versus Beavers called the Civil War because they’re trying to battle for who supported slavery more?

I mean certainly this will be the last dose of Seattle sports disappointment this week.

I get it, Kershaw. You just saw your hero shot and now you don’t have the motivation to keep going.

Yankees fans are extremely concerned with the day to day performance of Cal Raleigh who is definitely not MVP like please stop saying he is MVP we look up his box score everyday just to show how he is clearly not MVP you’re all just Yankees haters

r/Seahawks spends more time on a bad Geno Smith game than their own team. Like both your team and Geno’s team have the same record and it’s apparently straight gloating season on that sub.

This Mariners prospect class may be ass but they know how to get game winning outs.

Being Charlie Kirk on September 10 is better than watching this Mariners game.

Feels like the only people upset at Klint Kubiak’s playcalling are people who think the offensive line is suddenly good enough to provide long drop back passes for Sam Darnold.

Abe Lucas hasn’t been this excited about a guy like him receiving extra years since the 2024 election.

George Kirby: glorified back end starter/3 at best

Rays runs scored in the inning: 4 Rays pitches thrown in the inning: 3

Cole Young: King of RBI outs (derogatory)

Out of all the post-match incidents, Messi doing the Stefon Diggs post-loss photo for the Leagues Cup is by far the worst. What a dork man.

Since Paul Rothrock scored the 3rd goal for the Seattle Sounders, I will quote tweet this shit.

Was hoping I could ragebait Inter Miami fans but then immediately realized their fanbase are on the Elon app.

The 2024 Leagues Cup and the 2016 MLS Cup are the two most prestigious titles won in soccer purely for the fact they make Stu Holden and Taylor Twellman irrationally angry.

So I’ve changed my mind about the Leagues Cup. It actually matters more than any championship in probably any sport

Steven Kwan with the “be late on my route and make this look cooler than it needed to be” catch.

Oh god Smoltz is really doing the I’m a grumpy loser whose vote was defined by a name change to a sports team?

Those two weeks where Cole Young looked like a semi competent hitter truthfully meant nothing. This guy stinks.

Oh hold on I thought Ryan Grubb was some offensive savant who definitely didn’t need to rely on the combo of an upper tier deep ball, pocket QB and the best college receiving prospect?

I see a lot of people reacting poorly to a purportedly gruesome thing Moxley did, which means it was probably actually awesome and wrestling fans continue to be babies.

I’ve been called a professional hater but you gotta appreciate the fact fans, coaching staff, and social media are all willing to hype up a future practice squad QB like Jalen Milroe.

The Rocky Mountains of Colorado, but make it a baseball savant probability graphic

I’m sure people are shocked that Triple H, face of MAGA company, is a shill for Donald Trump.

Sounders outscore the Mariners but in a rare twist it’s actually somewhat shocking.

Jerry Dipoto’s true mastermind touch was to never let Tyler Locklear touch the major leagues and tank his own value, allowing everyone including Arizona to delude themselves into think he’s a capable major leaguer.

Leave it to r/Seahawks to view the Schneider extension as a positive. Hasn’t built a roster better than what SF or LA has built since Shanahan and McVay took over, respectively, but…well there is no but. He’s actually ass but hopium is an all time drug.

When it comes to Astros hating, theres entirely too much focus on 2017 when we really need to start giving them shit for losing the World Series in 2019.

So like are Mariners fans ready to admit Ben Williamson isn’t a big league player yet?

Great news for DEI is Chris Caray setting back nepo hires as far back as possible with this call.

About to witness if Training Camp takes are as bad as they are on the other place.

You should never follow any of these color charts. They are all stupid. I'll show you why. 🧵