Not now kitten, daddy is still processing Alyssa Liu’s gold, Prince Andrew’s arrest, and Ming Ma Wen’s casting as Hera all happening on the same day.

I have reached true equilibrium (manic flow state)

My Spotify has been near exclusively russian club music and noah kahan for weeks. I have no idea what this says about me.

Me, internally as I stare out at my office full of Professional People: “None of these people know anything about the Muppet Joker and don’t have any emotions about their return-“

Does NORAD track the spirit of Gordon Lightfoot on Edmund Fitzgerald Day like it does for Santa on Christmas?

sometimes when i get into my car i have lizard time where i just keep my car turned off and let myself cook in the ambient heat for a couple of minutes

Does it count as blonde blindness if I’m aware of what I’m doing and also I’m doing it in a gay way?

Coworkers in other departments: oh my god why are you leaving? Me, who has worked 118 hours in the 11 days: AW GEEZ MAN I DUNNO

Oh my god, they hit the Phantagon.

“How are you doing today, Abby?” Well I’ve been blasting Famous Last Words on a single repeat since 8am this morning, which certainly saying SOMETHING about how I’m doing right now-

Lmao jokes on me I’m leaving my job and moving back to my old city, old era won.

Me: o wise oracle, tell me of my fortunes The 15 year old kid across from me on the F train with a clip on tail and a smosh shirt: youre a fucking nerd and your teeth are ugly Me: thank you, o wise one

Remember to do a small kindness for someone you love today.

Me: “Military propaganda in our media is incredibly pervasive and deeply harmful to our cultural psyche.” Also Me: *chowing on popcorn watching Top Gun: Maverick for the 73rd time this week* UGHHHH big plane go zoom SO FAST-

Grandma was popular at Christmas dinner.

Don’t forget that your actions ARE who you are as a person. You want to be a reader? Read. You want to be hard worker? Work hard. Words and ideas mean nothing until they become actions.

My roommate’s birthday was in late November, and the balloon has held up remarkably well, but we needed to figure out how to make it seasonally appropriate to match our other decor. I think we did a pretty solid job, all things considered.

hey siri can u get scurvy from eating nothing but cauliflower

Added “I’m an effete, hubristic, classicist academic who will rant poetic about ancient philosophy and wax poetic about Beowulf” to my Hinge profile while living in a deep red zone. Let’s see how this particular experiment goes.

It’s really important that you understand that at any given point, if you looked into my brain, there’s about a 43% chance I’m either thinking about the West Wing, or the band Ghost. Like- that’s the brainrot. That’s almost all of it. Right there.

IM SLEEPY.

Me: I can win therapy, this is normal and okay. *Makes therapist cry from my trauma* Me: Fuck no not like that please-

I know pretzels and nacho cheese can’t fix everything, but I am convinced it can make everything a solid 12-15% better.

I think I would be significantly happier in this new era of my life if the previous one didn’t keep trying to rattle my windowsill at 4am

Really gonna need one of those cool indie ttrpg shows that has some of my tiktok mutuals from back when i still created dnd content to invite me to play with them bc i haven’t been anything but the dm in YEARS-

Uh oh. I fear I feel the Top Gun hyperfixation reemerge.

Good morning! Happy Friday! Go do a small kindness for yourself today, okay?

You ever remember the internet is carried across the ocean floor by fiber optic cables as thick as a garden hose? No quippy thoughts, that’s just fucking wild, right?

Teef

Man, the first line of the Iliad always just SHREDS. “Goddess, sing of the cataclysmic wrath of Achilles…which made men the spoils of dogs, a banquet for the birds.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME. THAT is how you open a story. THAT is how you hook an audience. Homer gets me. Bless up that dead poet.

I exclusively create content for external validation (TW: High School Theatre Kid related trauma)

Jack Kelly from Newsies was a class traitor and I can prove it. In this essay, I will-

Apparently my best friend’s mom babysat that healthcare CEO when he was a kid which is causing a lot of cognitive dissonance for me right now. Not that she knew him or anything, but that he was ever a kid to begin with. I always thought these Big Business types just materialized on Wall Street.

I have been taken to a Pop Culture Event (toast liveshow) and i fear i am not the demographic to understand any of this.

Oh I’m sorry, did you think this dnd oneshot was going to take any less than minimum six hours? Wrong. Order some chinese takeout, strap in, and get ready to dungeons some dragons. This is your Saturday.

now is probably a good time to tell everyone im only on this app for cool space content

“If you live a long life and get to the end of it without ever once having felt crushingly depressed, then you probably haven’t been paying attention.” - Duncan Macmillan, Every Brilliant Thing

The unfortunate side effect of being my friend is I’m a January Capricorn and I will be actively working at 11:36pm on a Friday night and I will be dragging you along if you wanted to hang out with me. Come to my office. It’s nice. I have a lava lamp.

Holding space for unhinged Glee quotes. “I wanna get married. Now.” “I have gym-“

Oh no! It seems I once again indulged too greatly in hubris and bit off far more than I can chew :)

I thought being the personality hire meant I got to get paid to hang out and be charming?? Why must I be productive???

*Spongebob narrator voice* Ahh, the familiar despair of the office after a holiday break.

If I had to pinpoint the exact moment when I realized my prefrontal cortex was fully developed, it would probably when I picked a pair of pointed toe heels over rounded, and then proceeded to get very excited over the great discount I got on a new trashcan on the same Target run.

Unfortunately, I think these times are starting to become rather Precedented.

“You’re spamming your Bluesky” and?? Have we considered I Do Not Wish to be in my place of employment? Consider.

I know a deviled egg hate to see me coming

Kids these days don’t know how to bully right. “You’re ugly” Why? Give me the specifics. Tell me a breakdown of the cost of adult braces. Send me a link to Weight Watchers. None of you would have survived the Homestuck subreddit back in 2009.

The GOP will face the narrowest House margin in nearly 100 years. As @nycjayjay.bsky.social writes: “A concept of thoughts and prayers for you, Speaker Johnson.”