if you're in an unfamiliar town for a mountain goats concert, it's easy to find the venue entrance because there will almost certainly be some sort of coven wandering around that you can follow.

putting lotion on my hands to physically stop myself from playing any more ranked melee lest i find myself getting bodied by a luigi named NutBro once again

getting an 8pm Friday event notification I don't remember setting for "marinara vs pasta sauce" and rescheduling it for tomorrow. don't have time right now

the puffy vest is essentially a thunder shirt for business guys. they get very stressed by follow up emails without them.

reviewing my raid logs with the dentist so she can explain the new toothbrush meta and let me know what's BiS now

i have a perfect concept of time. "1 hour at work drags on so slowly, but when i'm having fun it flies by." nope. i have an absolute notion of time and 1 hour is always the same. 20 minutes to the event? Yep, im perfectly aware of that length. this is what is called Einstein's Curse

these days self help books are called "unanxious." and "freedom through empathy." they were much better 10 years ago when they were called like "unfuck your broken fucking brain" and "badass alert: how to navigate this fucked up world like a true mf".

having a proustian flashback because someone in the club smells like cream of mushroom soup

a couple just walked up to me in a dimly lit bar, mistaking me for someone they knew, and asked "where that hoe at" as I looked up from the Wikipedia page for Deltora Quest to go, uhhh Huh?

they call it Calmomile Tea because it calms you down ☺️

before she called my name, the new dental hygienist told the receptionist that she lost her mug so she's been drinking coffee out of a gatorade bottle all week 👍

somehow every day i use 1 fork, 1 knife, 7 cups, and 19,000 spoons

getting inspired watching Andor, but taking the wrong lesson: HELL yeah, comrade. lets go huff rhydo

got a cold brew and the lady said "any sugar or cream" and I said no and she said "do you want me to leave room so you can add cream yourself" and I said no and she said "ok I left some room for you just in case" and I said alright thanks

there's a sick undercurrent to gen x nostalgia that we don't discuss. Not elaborating for now but I think we'll all come to know this

was eavesdropping on a group of people that are stood in front of me and one of them pointed directly at me and said "I feel bad for This Guy" lol lmao even

pausing Rashomon 40 minutes in so I can watch the new sam sulek video

nothing more embarrassing than playing smash bros with nieces and nephews at Thanksgiving and absolutely wrecking them and my brother walking in as im trying to tell them how I used to play competitively and them just not giving one shit and maybe not even being able to comprehend what I'm saying

90s cover bands are really important to the millennial ecosystem. Like if you removed wolves, everything would crumble if you got rid of three guys at the venue down the street singing songs from Dookie

heard a No Doubt song and a Gwen Stefani song in two different environments within 10 minutes of each other. Extremely neutral Omen, but an Omen nonetheless.

Shaboozey is one of those things I only know about because of Uber. Like Tether, or various back stories of 45 year old guys

walked past the registers at the grocery store and a lady was reading a magazine while she waited. she looked absolutely scandalized by something she read, immediately closed the magazine and put it back. and the cover just said "SOUPS & STEWS"

shaqaroni pizza calories