After Trump got effectively dick punched so hard he had to tantrum out the interview, NBC are to rename the programme "Press the Meat"

Like how Alternative Medicine is called that because it is an alternative to actual medicine, I expect Trump's concept of how percentages work is to be now called Alternative Math(s)

My biggest concern at the moment is the amount packs of pork scratchings with a pig on the front. Sometimes in a butchers outfit. Why is this porcine traitor the mascot? Some treacherous pig quisling who clearly takes part in the butchering process of his comrades.... Madness, madness...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/ceo-of-... I heard this clown on the news and I hope he reads my well researched response to his whining

Just listened to Green Light by Lorde on the way home, genuinely a massively uplifting tune. Got the volume right up and enjoyed the superb build up through the song. Needed that. No notes.

Tulsi Gabbard is resigning from her job as US ‌director of national intelligence to become new head coach of Southampton FC. Who saw that coming? Clearly the training staff from behind a nearby tree.

Thinking of new espionage story titles for these stange times... "Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Southampton Coaching Staff" "The Southampton coaching staff who came in from the cold" "The Southampton coaching staff who loved me"

Typical BBC, only giving one side of the story. No pro-hantavirus interviews, just so called "experts" claiming deadly rodent piss based viruses are somehow bad for you now.

Well, someone should check Donald Trump Jr's recent "predictions" on Kalshi and Polymarket and if Eric Trump recently bought a grassy knoll.

When you select Language Options in Google Maps, if you select: [English (United States)] The English Channel comes up as the Argentinian Channel for some reason...

Tim Apple has been replaced by John Apple. Steve Apple unavailable for comment.

🎵War, what is it good for?🎵 Well, only 12 points as a starter word in Scrabble.

Russia is apparently giving target information to Iran on US forces. As punishment, Trump has allowed Putin an oil deal with India. Bold move....let's see if it pays off

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/stop-th... Some people are sayin' they should be shot from the sky.... that'll learn em

Iran's Supreme Leader and top generals were killed in a single missile strike on his compound. Annoyingly for them, that meeting could have been an email.

Starmer: "I'll think we'll stay out of this one, as Trump said about Afghanistan, our UK armed forces won't contribute much anyway." Carefully places mic on floor and strolls away from podium as Trump explodes UK economy behind him.

When Pete Hegseth says "No stupid rules of engagement", he means cheating on his fiancée. Also war crimes.

Americans haven't bombed this hard in the middle east since the Riyadh comedy festival.....too soon?.....jeez, tough crowd...

Some people are saying...due to a mix up in group chats, Hegseth's request for a "furry pic" resulted in him getting "Epic Fury" instead

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/it-s-ca... I got the full list off of Hegseth's group chat...

Hey fiction writers, if you want a really funny storyline, how about a corrupt country that keeps messing up invasions by betting on when it is going to carry out its own surprise attack? Other countries just watch the odds...wow, that would be so lame...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/2026-wo... Thanks for that war update....now let's have a look at the sport...

Some people are saying, with tears in their eyes, that Trump has promised to welcome and house in America every single refugee fleeing from a destabilised Iran. We simply do not deserve him.

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/hannah-... Green energy is good

Conservative Gofundme to get to their byelection deposit back is now at £7.50. Way short of their £500 target.

This review technique of political vehicles needs a name, best I've got is "Carpoolitics"

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/newsbis... I should've made the lights further apart but at least they are different sizes

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/newsbis... Just from the post I made about the new "Kia" Stormer, I am now the unofficial NewsBiscuit motoring correspondent

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/rats-an... A statement from an aggrieved spokesrat.

Trump has accepted the Dementia Awareness Award three times today. To genuine surprise each time.

I bet Starmer is grateful that Ratcliffe has colonised the news cycle.

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/concern... As a bonus game, all of the names are actual Dickens characters apart from one that I made up....which one?

Car manufacturer Kia regrets calling its new model the Stormer. Turns on a sixpence tho...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/starmer... I made dis.

I didn't realise the actual Trump quote was, "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shit myself and I wouldn't lose voters." Sadly true in a way...

Bold move by Calvin Klein on their new underwear advert. Let's see if using Peter Mandelson pays off....at least he is available for more work now.

Peter Mandelson is casually mentioning that Lady Mone should keep her title...no reason.

Looking forward to the FIFA film awards, could be a straight sweep for a certain someone...

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/it-s-on... Bit dark this one, I think it works best reading it as a football report half time update and finish with "Back to you in the studio, Brian"

Turns out Air Force One was delayed because it shat itself, it unexpectedly unloaded before departure. It was thought that Trump would change into something more comfortable, like the racy little number Qatar had gifted him, but his security detail insisted on something with greater protection.

Looks like America is sending the navy to Iran to see if they have all the Trump-Epstein files. Let's see how that goes...

What about this lot: · NewsBiscuit. News and biscuits, what’s not to like? Clearly the news, it’s madness out there, sorry for asking · Truth or Satire? Play spot the difference at NewsBiscuit (Current difficulty setting is Very Hard) · News? Not this time fucko, you’ve just been NewsBiscuited.

Trying out some new tag lines for www.newsbiscuit.com · NewsBiscuit: Your crumbly side piece for your mug of news · The News eh? NewsBiscuit laughs in the face of it · Fancy a bit of satire? Why not indulge in a teatime treat before the news smacks that stupid grin off your face

www.newsbiscuit.com/post/plan-fo... The news before it happens folks

My plan for Denmark to calm things down over Greenland is for them to "award" Trump this prize.

Following a recipe, it says “Double, double toil and trouble”, is that equal amounts of both or an eight to one toil to trouble ratio? It’s bubbling away nicely at the moment.

What have we got left now, Subbuteo giving it's 1971 Game of the Year Award to FIFA, who then gives it to the Russian installed leader of the "Make Greenland America Party"? What's going on?

🎵Grok'll fix it....Grok'll fix it for yoooouuu🎵 The preferred AI choice for that certain type of user

We need to stand by NATO more than ever. Never Allow Trump Occupation, Never Agree To Oppression and No American Traitorous Oligarchs. (New Acronyms Tested Out)