pretzel
@hotcrispyfriend.bsky.social
📤 37
📥 42
📝 571
Did you know her name is Sandy checks because there is sand in her ass
pinned post!
TSA stands for The Security at Airports
9 months ago
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I think it's funny how many horrible things I've felt over the years but nothing is worse than a stomach bug
about 2 months ago
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so many funky kong on flame runners and daisy on mach bikes... growls and snarls and my eyes turn red... Don't Pmo Me
3 months ago
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was already in a really bad mood tonight and just broke my glasses!!! now I feel like shit AND can't see
3 months ago
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netflix just sent my tv box into a boot loop I hate technology
4 months ago
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fuck it I'm liking every questionable instagram reel I see for slight comedic value
5 months ago
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took me long enough to get used to power characters in crossworlds but I just got my first eggman s tier time trial hell yeah
5 months ago
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playing sonic 3d blast on the saturn for the first time (I grew up with the genesis version) and holy FUCK this soundtrack is so good
5 months ago
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reposted by
pretzel
Barf simson
5 months ago
O H
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me when my sega genesis has severely pitched down audio
5 months ago
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loving how auto generated youtube captions sometimes go in little bursts of being all caps
5 months ago
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my debit card got skimmed should I just explode
5 months ago
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I was wondering why it's so hard to find a crt tv where I live and realized people are actually still using them because most places around here still have satellite tv only
5 months ago
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alone in a waiting room the day before christmas eve, as god intended
5 months ago
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why do I keep getting ads for HIV medication
5 months ago
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I think it's poetic how I had greater access to the internet as a minor than I do as an adult
6 months ago
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this is the second time recently I've heard someone with a voice VERY similar to my own on the internet wtf
6 months ago
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oh the joys of internal bleeding
6 months ago
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sometimes I feel like I'm incapable of feeling love
6 months ago
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just found my token straight oomf from the pre-covid times again and he's definitely not straight. not at all. who could've seen that coming
6 months ago
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I think I should be more worried about this constant chest pain than I actually am
6 months ago
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my ass itches! Scratch my Ass!
6 months ago
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maybe I did just eat half a pound of yogurt with my bare hand, what about it
6 months ago
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need to draw a Profile Picture. for my Purposes
6 months ago
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I think more people need to know it's ok to not try and be an internet philosopher and it's okay to shut the fuck up sometimes
6 months ago
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windows 11 is so cool because what do you mean I'm stuck locked out of my pc for two hours because my pc lost power for one minute
6 months ago
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many many years ago during standardized testing at school I randomly remembered the tickle cock bridge in castleford exists and I giggled a little bit and my teacher got mad at me
6 months ago
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I've started replacing my modern tech with versions from the 2000s and earlier and the incandescent lightbulbs we have leftover from when those were legal are making me FEEL something
6 months ago
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throwback to when I was like 7 years old and hit my head on a playground and pretended to have brain damage afterwards
6 months ago
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need a slightly muscular australian man with a mullet to crush a beer can on my head and slam me into a wall rn
6 months ago
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yesterday I finally learned that even if I DID want to get into fnaf I could not play because flashing lights make me ill
7 months ago
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love how my love life always circles back to being whatever the fuck this is
7 months ago
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love that I cursed myself to forever be referred to as a woman by default even though I see myself way more as a man
7 months ago
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just remembered that time in 2011 I almost lost my right leg
7 months ago
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lost the swear word spelling bee when I spelled BICTH
7 months ago
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rediscovered an old video of me being held up by someone and they accidentally squeezed my balls so I doubled over in pain
7 months ago
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my dream is to someday form a band with zero electronic sounds. just pure acoustic instruments and raw unedited voice fuckery
7 months ago
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very insecure about my voice but damn I get flustered when someone compliments me when I sing in a low octave
7 months ago
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call of mustard meme is going viral
7 months ago
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I am not "Hip" and "Cool" anymore. I am "Unc". I can use the smiling cat emojis as I please. 😸
7 months ago
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I predict that two years into the future I am going to be just a regular alcoholic
7 months ago
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motherfucker you ARE a surge protector from october 2005
add a skeleton here at some point
7 months ago
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eleven.
add a skeleton here at some point
7 months ago
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I wanna learn porch of geese
7 months ago
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I love how quickly after an iphone turns two years old the battery gets noticeably worse. my 15 plus was doing great until about a week ago and I never updated it past ios 17 so I can't even blame updates
7 months ago
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oh the things you find out about yourself!
8 months ago
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DUDE!! THAT'S MY BUTT!!!
8 months ago
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calmly listening to the gunshots right next to my window on this fine evening
8 months ago
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ugh I am so single and unemployed rn
8 months ago
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it's getting cold out which means it's time to curl up in my bed and shamelessly consume visual novels
8 months ago
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thinking about cutting my hair
8 months ago
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