Today the Champ Man universe celebrates the birth of the Greatest Footballer You Never Saw. Before Messi. Before Cristiano. There was a legend of your laptop. A prince of your PC. Three words that changed your life forever. Tonton. Zola. Moukoko.

21 years ago today: A sensational shitwhistler from Leighton Baines at Portman Road. You don’t stop those.

It’s been 26 years since a young Antonio Cassano scored his first Serie A goal. Goodness me, look at that utter scoundrel of a first touch. Sanitise hands after viewing.

It’s 35 years since a young Paul Gascoigne got the ball at Maine Road… and did this. Fast and fearless. A frenzy of potential. This was Gazza with the world at his feet.

Every now and again I remember this Les Ferdinand outfit at a mid-90s Newcastle fashion show. What days they were.

It’s Chris Waddle’s birthday. So here he is scoring The Greatest 6-a-side Goal of All Time. Sweet mercy. That is sensational.

It’s Eoin Jess’ birthday today, so here he is activating the launch codes… and detonating. What a fucking hit, son.

This week in 2008: Football journalism has never been better.

It’s the 30th anniversary of the debut of the Premier League’s greatest ever keeper. Outfield players going in goal, wearing ill-fitting jerseys, is a sight we may never behold again.

Happy Birthday to the original Championship Manager wonderkid. In 93/94 snapping up this wizard of the dribble guaranteed you goals and glory. A prince of our PCs. Thank you, Nii Lamptey.

It’s Ludo Miklosko’s birthday today, so here he is receiving a telly as a MOTM award in the early 90s. Tremendous.

David Hirst + Puma Kings = goals galore

It’s Les Ferdinand’s birthday today, so here he is slapping in a set-piece at Boundary Park in 1994. No complaints about that surface. Like playing on a bowling green.

It’s David Hirst’s birthday, so here he is scoring a sensational shitpinger at St James’ Park in 1989. STANCHION.

It’s 33 years to the day since one of the great goals of the 90s. Paul Gascoigne vs the entire Pescara defence. A genius at work.

A real rascal of a goal from Peter Beardsley this week in 1989. First there’s the instant control of a ball dropping from the outer limits of Earth’s stratosphere. Then the nonchalant nutmeg of Colin Hendry. And finally, a clinical finish.

On Paul McGrath’s birthday, a reminder of one of the great defensive performances of all time. Italy. Giants Stadium. 1994. Unfit, but utterly unbeatable

30 years ago today Milan and Lazio are locked at 0-0 in the 87th minute. Then George Weah gets the ball, rinses the whole defence and wins the game. Just another Serie A Sunday for one of the best in the business.

It’s Antonin Panenka’s birthday today. And to mark the occasion, here’s Julian Dicks giving it some proper fucking welly from the penalty spot…

It’s the late Toto Schillaci’s birthday today. You remember him. Sicilian striker. Italia 90 icon. And scorer of this spectacular Serie A Scissorbastard…

Once Upon a Time in Florence…

It’s 23 years since Royal Antwerp fans unwisely invaded the pitch at Beveren... ... and were welcomed by a straightener from Graham Stack. HAVE IT.

33 years ago today Gazza became a Lazio legend by scoring a last-gasp equaliser in the Rome derby. It was his first goal for the club. Timing.

Del Piero in the snow. Barely leaving a footprint, of course…

It’s Roberto Mancini’s birthday. You remember him. Suave, sophisticated, scarf-wearing Italian manager. And scorer of the sauciest volley you’ll ever see. You dirty, rotten scoundrel.

To grow old is to accept that you’ll never look as effortlessly cool as Claudio Caniggia in a big leather jacket, stonewashed denim and a white sock/ black shoe combo…

42 years ago today “King” Kenny notches his 100th goal for Liverpool with this perfect ping off the stanchion at Portman Road. Majestic.

It’s the anniversary of Alan Shearer hitting the ball with great vengeance and furious anger at Ewood in 1994. Unstoppable.

TELLY GOLD: Des Lynam talks through the Premier League table from this week in 1998. Voice like a pair of comfy slippers. Even if your team’s season was going down the khazi, somehow Des made things seem that little bit better...

It’s Steve MacKenzie’s birthday today. You remember him. “Pint of Thunderbastard please, mate…”

It’s the anniversary of one of the most underrated finishes of the 90s. Julian Joachim. Highfield Road. 1996. What’s he doing from that angle? Behave yourself, son.

Every now and again I remember when Take That visited Old Trafford… … and Mike Phelan wore the displeased look of a man overseeing some shoddy work on his patio.

34 years ago at Kenilworth Road: Hoof it. Head it. Help it on... … and let Big Quinny do the rest.

18 years ago at Wembley: Sol Campbell. Croatia. And the longest slide tackle since records began…

On #WorldChildrensDay, here’s Vinnie Jones sticking a reducer on an unsuspecting mascot…

43 years ago today: Clive Allen And One Of The Greatest Turns You’ve Never Seen. Absolutely tremendous.

Legend has it that if you stare at this Peter Schmeichel smug for five seconds or more, you never sleep again…

It’s 20 years since Ronaldinho ripped Real a new arsehole in the Clasico. And the look on poor Iker Casillas’s face. Sometimes there’s nothing you can do but admire the artistry in front of your eyes…

33 years ago today two ‘Goal of the Month’ contenders help England beat Turkey. Lots to see here: - A trademark @alanshearer header - Glorious Gazza - Des Walker easing through the gears - Brilliant Barry Davies - The Life of Riley

Kick Off 2 on the Amiga. 🕹 🔥

“Is Gascoigne going to have a crack? He is, you know. OH I SAY! BRILLIANT! THAT IS SCHOOLBOYS’ OWN STUFF! I bet even he can’t believe it. Is there anything left from this man to surprise us?” - B.Davies, 1991

It’s the anniversary of One Of The Best Solo Goals Of All Time. Courtesy of Ronny Rosenthal. Incredible.

Ronaldo vs Maldini. Back when Serie A was the playground of the Gods.

29 years ago today: A perfect ping from Gary McAllister finds Noel Whelan on the volley. And he gives it a bit of the old Van Basten…

It’s Alan Taylor’s birthday today. You remember him. Much-travelled striker. FA Cup matchwinner. And scorer of one of the All-time Great Shit Goals. Loftus Road. 1989. Thank goodness they caught it on camera.

It’s Dave Mackay’s birthday. You remember him. Here he is telling Billy Bremner to take a wee bit more care and attention with his tackles, whilst a beautifully bronzed Terry Venables looks on. Art.

It’s the anniversary of a spectacular solo goal for England U21 in Ireland, 1990. The scorer was a number 10 in long sleeves, with pace to burn, and a decent shot on him. This young lad might be one to watch, you know.

Batigol vs Fenomeno. Clash of the Titans.

23 years since Hernan Crespo did this for Inter vs Ajax. Lots to admire here: - One-touch football - Vieri’s inviting cross. - And Crespo hanging in the air like a salmon on a bungee rope. Crespo & Vieri. Goodness me. What days.

Happy Birthday to Diego Fuser and his fearsome right foot. Wait for that second angle. Oh my. Such elegant violence.