loading . . . Essence is Just Getting Started
My name is Kay Poyer, and I met Essence Thomas about two years ago in Chicago. When did you?
Essence had flown me out to host one of her iconic Affairs parties at Arbella, a moody downtown cocktail lounge and dance club. By that time, I had already come to know her simply as Essence ā no last name required. Now it seems the rest of the internet is finally catching up.
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She had, before the internet ever met her, already lived many lives: a child actor, an Ivy League grad, a nightlife diva, and most recently a viral fashion muse. Her āReverse Trendā has taken over the FYP; dressed in designer clothes, she dances erratically against dilapidated and liminal backdrops, flipping her hair and clutching her purse, always in reverse. Though the videos are usually no longer than twenty seconds, they capture a complex and visually stunning energy.
Sheās been tapped by many artists and brands, with FKA twigs, Diesel, and Luar all entering her otherworldly cinematic universe. Now the second Black transgender member of the Sephora Squad, itās clear that both her beauty and her creative vision are utterly captivating, and that her rise to much, _much_ bigger things has only just begun. If I had to describe Essence, the first word Iād use would be ācomplicatedā (in the most complimentary sense.) Every time she reveals a new side of herself, yet another is just around the corner. At such a pivotal moment, I thought it was time we sat down to reflect on her journey so far, and identify the core ethos of her presence more clearly.
You can read our entire conversation for PAPER below. (_This interview has been edited and condensed_.)
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**Essence** : Can I hit my vape? Is that taboo?
**Kay: This is a safe space. Letās do one together. Cheers!**
Cheers to the dolls.
**Wait, whatās the flavor of the day?**
Stolen⦠no, mint.
**Is it my fault that you vape? Did I do this to you?**
No, itās my exās fault. I was hitting your vape when we were around each other. I was doing drunk cigs and then it just evolved. And then in nightlife, people just had vapes. Iām like, can I hit that? Oh, now I see why everyone does this. But I threw it away. Now Iām smoking cigs only, because itās chic, you know what I mean? Go put on a gloss, go outside, light a match and hit a fag.
**Are you worried about the chicness of vaping at all? Does it concern you?**
Iām not too worried about the chicness of it, but I feel like I want it to not be accessible. This is just too easy. Iām hitting this everywhere. Iām hitting this at my grandmaās house. Iām hitting this in the bathroom at the club and at the coffee shop. I need to go outside and smoke a cig and be an adult. I donāt want to be hitting vapes. I want to go outside with all the other models and hit a cig.
**Itās just about the right perfume pairing. I would rather look a little unchic than throw the scent off for myself. Unless itās a club night, then itās fine. During the daytime, I canāt have a cigarette in my hand. I canāt do it.**
You canāt do it.
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**I feel like some bitches smell fine after a cigarette and I donāt think Iām one of them.**
You think you stink after? Have you heard of a mint?
**Girl, the smoke on your body bitch? You donāt want to reak like a fag after you smoke one of those. I blow it far away on one. Well, weāre having this interview because all of a sudden, a girl is finally getting her credit. You are a very weird figure on the internet, where the impact culturally that you have, on the way people speak and the way people meme has been outweighed by the lack of credit youāve gotten up until this point. I want to start with the reverse video. I donāt think a lot of girls know I was there for the moment it happened, and Iāll always be happy about that.**
Youāre the videographer.
**I am the videographer, but you did have a very clear vision. I remember that night, we were very fucked up, but you had a very clear vision about this video. And itās a weird concept. Itās a strange concept to explain out loud. Where did it come from?**
I always lie on the internet ā I went to Columbia for film and media, but I tell people I went for computer science. So I always had this eye since I was a child, watching with my mom on a hand me down couch, _Taxi Driver_ , just very inappropriate things. _Sex and the City_ , Cinemax. I mean, my favorite film is _The Skin I Live In_ , I was watching that. I was watching the darkest things that woke up my tea. When it came to these videos, I was like, wait, what if I just dance? Iām always in the club, Iām always freaking out, Iām always just going crazy. I never really capture that.
And, Iāve always been an insecure dancer. I studied ballet, but Iāve always overthought it so much. I was like, what if I just got this on camera, and saw myself? The Aphex Twin video really woke something up in me. I love the backrooms, I love creepypasta. I saw JT and Nadia Lee Cohen do that video, and I was like, thatās so me. This is what I want to give to the camera. I was in this clean girl, Columbia aesthetic. Everyone was like, āSheās so Republican coded.ā I was like, _thatās so not me._
So the vision set in, where everything is backwards. If Iām putting on lipgloss, itās like putting lip gloss on when Iām taking it off backwards. Itās such a weird thing to explain out loud, and never really made sense to anyone. When we shot the original video, I was like, _girl, letās flip my hair on camera. Letās do this. Do that. We have to do this again, but you have to fall from this angle. This is the vision._ Weāre in Chicago just walking around.
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> @sayessence
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> the doll takes a hit #aphextwin #jt
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**You know what it was? We were leaving the Ron Carroll Memorial Party, and we were literally just walking down the street. And I remember, you saw that spot, itās literally a loading dock on the side of the road, a random fucking side street in Chicago. You had spotted it earlier, and were like, I want to shoot there. We came out of the club and you said we needed to head down there, and then we can go meet the boys.**
**You had a vision, and I do think it captures something. A lot of the girls nowadays have an issue with being anything but perfectly posed and sexy on camera. It was freaky and strange, and you even described horror elements of it. Can you talk a little bit more about why that aspect was particularly important to you?**
When I think of Black horror, being a Black person in America, being a trans person, itās horror. Itās a horror experience. Just to be in these spaces. But thereās also the joy of it. I always say, every reverse video, and seeing other people do it and replicate it ā it starts with Black trans joy, period point blank. I hope Iām answering your question.
**Youāre not!**
Ask me one more time.
**You talked about the horror inspiration behind this, and what really made it so captivating was that it didnāt feel like you were trying to be sexy and just a model, and fully letting loose. Itās always in a strange setting. I remember one you did, where you were in between a bunch of shipping containers in those beautiful white leather boots. Was it Diesel, where you did it against the graffiti wall? Itās very liminal and thereās this degradation element, in the backdrop, and youāre moving in a way that there is some horror, uncomfortability, and it makes it more chic and more sexy.**
I think Iāve never thought about it that deep. Like I said earlier too, with the Aphex Twin video, are you familiar with backrooms and creepypasta?
**Oh, girl.**
I remember watching these very dark, I want to say black market, videos. Those things linger in my brain sometimes. How do I express horror? How do I express this darkness that is inside my head? I had this clean girl aesthetic, and [these videos] are liminal spaces we donāt see Black people. I feel like that just came out, now that youāre asking these questions. Iām sitting here and Iām like⦠it was never that dark to me! But something about when I see it now, I know it. I know the moves and the character thatās behind this person.
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**I donāt think anyone knows either, that we literally would film this shit in silence. Iād be like, okay, walk this way. Iām taking the camera this way. Iām going to start low, go high. It was quiet on set. It was dead silent.**
No one knows this, but I was a child, or teen actor, or whatever. I get into this mindset where I get into different realms of things that Iām interested in ā being a film person, being an actress, being a person who puts on a face and sells something and shows fashion. I get to bring all these different elements together and put them in a video. I feel like as a creator, I was always trying to be clean, cookie cutter, and now weāre messier, and I feel like Iām actually thriving now. I got bitches getting the vision, which is the craziest thing to say out loud. Iāve got Charli, Slayyter⦠creative people getting the vision and seeing the work Iāve created.
JT is a blueprint, a pink print⦠JT was the thing that sparked for me, as a dark skinned girl, that I can do this. I got a chance to connect with JT from these videos, and we got to kii together and hang out. Me and JT be texting. But seeing her take up spaces inspired me to take up space. Itās been dark, but itās been joyful at the same time. [Reverse videos] are showing another element of what it means to be Essence. Itās how I feel in so many spaces, just liminal, dark, twisted, putting on a game face ā thatās the tethered side of me, but everyone else sees the light side of me. But the reverse video girl, thatās actually how I feel most of the time walking out my door.
**You talk a lot about taking up space as a black trans woman. I think this is a theme that carries through a lot of your content, and is a very real ethos and principle to who you are as a person in all the spaces you navigate. I know a lot of that started with your āBlack trans woman in an Ivy Leagueā videos, but this is also something youāve spoken about in nightlife spaces, in fashion spaces. Weāve seen this mantra of āprotect the dollsā repeated a lot, and it gets emptied out as it gets repeated more. Iād like you to talk a little bit more about that, why taking up space has become such a repeated thing that you talk about and emphasize.**
Protect it all! Take us out to dinner, take us to see a show, take us to see the world. Give us these opportunities. There was a CNN report or something, that was this investigation, this deep dive, about how Equinox and Barryās is networking, and a way for men to bond. Girls have the nail salon, straight guys go to golf, gay guys have Equinox. What do the dolls have? Whoās elevated? Whoās putting the ladder down for us to come up and climb it as a collective? Because when we get up there, weāre going to take up space. I think people are fearful of that.
Weāre going to take up space and extend the ladder out to the sisters and protect the dolls, connect us to our dreams, show us what we can do and be and more. [...] We see so many times, our peers who are not trans women, become creative directors, or do assisting and styling, taking our shit and giving it to the girls who have never even graced us, whoāve never even thanked us or been in spaces with us, and running off with all of our shit.
There was a saying that when you see the girls pop out, these upcoming divas, singers, comedians or whatever⦠baby, we saw that 10 years ago, we saw it 5 years ago. This is not new for us! Itās never new! Weāve been having new slang and Iām like, girl, when this gets out in the public, weāre going to see some comedian walk off with it and make a fucking million dollars. Whereās our money? So itās important to take up space. Thatās why itās been a beautiful thing to see so many more trans girls, queer trans men just popping out on the internet. If I could have seen myself 10 years ago, or just any time, as a kid, how life changing that wouldāve been!
People who look up to me: be better than me. Iām not perfect at all, I donāt have everything together. I want people to be better than me. I hope that when Iām able, Iāll put the ladder down. Girl, come up with me!
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**I think itās important to mention credit when we talk about what your path to this moment has looked like, because I think before this, the big thing was you made a video about painting DL trade. That was the first time so many people heard that word. It was like Ursula, they took it out of your mouth and it was everywhere across the internet, and you have twinks running around talking about painting.**
**How has it been for you specifically to get this recognition, and this credit online?**
Itās crazy, because Iāve always tried to be humble, but thereās those nights where Iām like, _bitch, Iām that girl. I am exactly who I think I am._ I donāt want to be humble, personally. We need more delusional, Black trans women in the world, and maybe I should be the first one. But it has kept me sane. Iām going to talk my shit. Iām a Black trans woman at an Ivy League university, what the fuck do you think Iām out here doing? I was flying back and forth from New York to Chicago, producing parties and being with my community. I talk about my chosen family⦠they hold me to a high ass standard. My drag motherās from Mumbai. My chosen aunt is a fucking big investor in the restaurant industry, hospitality, nightlife. My chosen family are pioneers of house and techno. And the scene in Chicago raised me.
With DL trade, as I said earlier, trans people give so much to the culture, especially Black trans women from these underground scenes, from ballroom. It gets taken. I was like, letās play a fucking game and letās paint DL trade, and people started catching on. I was just having a fun time. And it got taken and people have now monetized on it. I didnāt monetize on DL trade. I got a few interviews ā a couple of brands wrote full ass essays and didnāt credit me at all, and have never paid me my money and still run around using DL trade. This Black trans girl brought this back into the lexicon. Thereās about 10 million views, maybe more, of me popularizing that phrase. Give credit where credit is due!
**We both make jokes all the time that are like,_Iām only talking to the other trannies. Iām not talking to any of you. Iām specifically making a joke for trans women._ But they want to laugh too, but they donāt really get it! Sometimes, when you talk about credit, people get defensive and the knee jerk is like, _Well, you didnāt make it up._ No, Essence didnāt make it up, but you heard it from her. You heard it from your TikTok For You page from Essence. This is where it gets dicey. It becomes a really magical, mystical thing to emptily say āprotect black trans women,ā āBlack trans women do everything.ā But then, when there is one Black trans woman that you can name that you got shit from, people get defensive about it. **
Social media is my resume. This is me proving to you time and time again that I can do it. Just give me the job.
**āProtect the Dollsā starts to fall apart when weāre talking about specific dolls ā three dolls sitting in a row who are pushing the culture but weāre not getting any money. Thereās not checks being put on the table. Weāre both influencers. We watch some of these bitches get paid for _nothing._**
Give me the chance! What is it, from Cassie, from _A Chorus Line_? āGive me the chance to show you, to prove to you, that I can be great.ā Here I am showing you that people are fucking with me.
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**You talk about the money you spend on doing your hair, the amount of money thatās gone into getting work done. I think people see a trans woman and they either see, like,_oh, she struggled all her life. She did sex work. Sheās had to scrounge for money. Thatās such an inspiring story._ You have to have to look good all the time, have your hair done, have your face beat, have your surge up, have the fit on, or nobodyās even going to look. And they donāt care if youāre funny. They donāt care if youāre talented.**
Letās talk about the elephant in the room. I talk about my success a lot. Sometimes, itās like I feel like Iām not doing enough, but I also get that Iām palatable. Thereās so many trans women in general that inspire me. But I get how Iām able to code switch, and it impresses people. _Oh, the last thing I thought was you were trans._ People donāt know this: I donāt have my own place. I live with my family. People take care of me. But other than that, people donāt have the support. I'm a very blessed woman to be able to chase my dreams as a 25 year old trans girl, but not everyone has these opportunities. So they have to go into sex work, go work at Starbucks. They canāt chase their dreams authentically, itās hard. Itās not possible. The wall in front of you is insane.
I have people fighting for me, just even this opportunity right now, to talk to _PAPER_. Someone pitched me. I didnāt do that. It means something. Thatās the work we need to see from our allies and from our community. Not just bringing us out with you to the club, getting us on the guest list.
**I have noticed bitches take pot shots at you from the side in a way that Iāve never seen. I think itās because they like trans women online who are struggling. Thereās a big portion of my audience that will say these things out the side of their mouth like,_oh, I like her because sheās relatable and sheās sometimes broke too._ Iām like, so what bitch, I need to be broke for the rest of my life so that youāll still like me? Thereās something inside of them that makes them angry to see a chic, well dressed, put together Black trans woman who looks like sheās doing well, even if sheās not. **
It blows peopleās minds. It pisses them off, because with everything against you, how are you still showing up? Itās not for me! Itās for the next generation. Itās for my children, itās for my sisters, itās for the little Black boys. Itās for those people to see themselves and be like, _oh, I can do this._ If I can do it in this climate, you can do it.
**I think they donāt understand that so often, it becomes a shitty food service or retail job, sex work or nightlife. Then those of us who push and push and push and push and push to get this kind of recognition ā bitch, youāre fucking working at Dominoās, they got your dead name on your name tag, all your coworkers know your dead name, they know your T. Thereās no protection for trans women. There are the spaces we get pushed into, so of course we have to dominate it, of course we have to go hard as fuck. I think thereās a reaction to seeing how well you keep it together on camera, it activates something people donāt want to recognize in themselves, that they are transphobic, that they are uncomfortable when youāre not visibly struggling.**
Some people were like, just share it. I canāt give it to them! I canāt give that access. We talked about my work earlier ā Iāve been in the Chicago scene for six years employing people, Iāve been putting people on. I could have gotten the shine and ran out and did my own thing. When I went to Columbia and finished after seven years, I was getting DMs from all kinds of people being like, _you inspired me to go to college, you inspired me to do this._ Thatās my work. Even the bridge of being a Black trans woman, being able to show women we have shared experiences. Let me guide you. Let me be a bridge. Let me show you the community that you can have. Donāt see me as an enemy, see me as a friend. The only thing that we can do together is build and break generational curses and break this patriarchal ass society built by white men on this indigenous ass land. Letās wake it up. We need to grow; I like being uncomfortable. Itās why I go to nightlife, I like to be woken up.
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**I hope what people are taking from this is: they see a lot of these cultural spaces that trans women tend to exist in, and I think to them, it looks fun, it looks sexy, it looks cool. Thereās rarely a fully fleshed understanding of how deep it really is, and why thereās a bunch of trannies there. In the next ten years⦠this is a crazy year for you. Youāre on the Sephora team. Youāre basically a fashion muse. What is the vision for yourself? Letās start with 2026.**
I want to do so much and so little at the same time. I want to produce my first short film. I want to get more cinematic with my content. Itās been so hard to be seen and have my work be like, wow, this is the work sheās good at. So, produce a short film, write more, write my stories and get started on a memoir. Work with fashion brands ā right now, modeling is on the table. My manager is meeting with agencies next month about me. Iām like, bro, this is actually scary! I didnāt see it for myself, so modeling would be something really beautiful. And that came from the reverse videos.
I want to act⦠I used to be a teen actor, I said that earlier. I want to get back in front of a camera. I want to show my body and just feel sexy. I want to travel more. I just got my passport back. I want to produce more. I want to do more community events. Thatās something thatās been in my heart forever. I just want to put more girls on. Thatās probably my main goal right now. Oh, music! I want to do music, I want to make a track, I want to have a little Tate McRae, Addison Rae dance, because you know Iām a dancer.
**Are you going to sing? Are you going to give us a full pop moment?**
No one knows that I studied opera for fucking 10 years, bitch.
**What didnāt you study for 10 years?**
Well, I did everything girl. Rosalia better be scared of meā¦. A bass-baritone aināt going to scare nobody.
**She calls you, sheās like: āWe need some real low notes on this next album babe. Come to the studio.ā**
Give it to us! Give it to us. Those are the things I want to work on this year: fashion, modeling, music. I have so many different dreams. Long term goal⦠I want to open up the first queer youth housing in Chicago. We donāt have one here. New York City has one. I want to open up the first queer housing in Chicago, thatās something I want to work on. I want to build this resume, so when I do come up to these tables, Iām like, _oh bitch, lemme give yāall a couple million dollars to get queer housing._ We need this for the kids, because these big cities are runaways for queer youth. Look whatās happening in this political climate! So those are my goals. If youāre a modeling agency, talent agency, and you want to see the call win? Sign the doll.
**Iām really excited, I think itās going to be a really crazy year for you. I really do.**
For all of us. Itās going to be so major as long as we have each other and weāre sharing these opportunities, girl, itās over for the girls! I didnāt even talk about Sephora at all. Iām the second Black trans woman on the Sephora squad, and it's been the most nerve-wracking thing, meeting all these major brands, telling āem to take a chance on me. Not only me, but my community. Itās been absolutely scary, but itās been world changing.
It's going to be a fab moment for the girls, and we're about to take up so much space and it's going to be beautiful.
**Girl, I'm going to have to check my shoulders at the door. I'm taking up so much space this year,**
Girl.
**Well, that's okay.**
Weāre both linebackers, so we'll try to go through the door together. We won't make it in.
**Yeah, I got to get my traps done when I get to the city.**
Do that _now._
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Photography by Jack Maffucci
Story by Kay Poyer
Stylist: Noah Diaz
Makeup: Mollie Gloss
Hair: Dylan Silver
Executive Creative Director: Jordan Bradfield
Senior Editor: Joan Summers
Social Editor: Alaska Riley https://www.papermag.com/essence-thomas-kay-poyer