Dad’s funeral tomorrow, despite the worry and apprehension I have written a tribute which I shall read at the service.

Shiubhail m’ Athair an-raoir. Fois shìorraidh d’a anam. Caidil gu math. #Gaidhlig #Gaelic

Whilst I am aware that I possess a sense of humour akin to that paint that swallows everything 💦 up to whatever limit Calpol and Junior Disprin allow, I have entirely self selected to not even tangentially suggest to clinicians trialing the foie gras method to assist in getting my father to eat.

Might have located Patsy Stone.

Kalispera #Rodos #Rhodes #Hellas #Greece

Kalispera

Hospital visit, my Dad went to great lengths to actually spell out that the hospital is a dump, which gave us a laugh, there have been precious few.

“This AI girlfriend can make you cum in 45 seconds” Oh hen, I’m embarrassed for you, and flaccid. Have a great Monday though.

1 for a wish 2 for a kiss 3 for a disappointment 4 for silver 5 for gold 6 for the middle age onset of the exciting and occasionally dramatic ebb and flow 😅 between constipation and diarrhoea

Idea, sweets based roughly on LoveHearts (but not closely enough to be sued), but with rude or uninspiring words like pigeon or diarrhoea.

A new venture. I’ve just joined therainbowcollective.co a great queer run company that sells prints of queer artists’ work. Check them out. #gayart #gaythemed #gay #queerart #art #artist #gayartist #portrait #portraitpainter #portraitpainting #painter

Do you ever wonder, what IS new in Hello Kitty Island Adventure?

I had to search to learn more about portrait mode in iOS, I was VERY obviously far too focused on the face (and crotch) of the subject to be able to actually notice the difference. For illustrative purposes.

It’s 10 years since CitySprinter vanished from Glasgow and our dreams of high speed unsafe travel to and from Eastwood Toll were dashed.

I’ve finished work early due to the impending meteor strike. Oh sorry no, I meant because I’ve got a cold.

Dear The Instagram, Please standby while I extensively wipe my arse with that soulmate sketch pish.

I don’t think this chicken Kiev has been any further east than Bathgate.

Honestly, the THINGS you’ll do to get a Macedonian man to jizz in your mouth.

I got myself a toblerone and one to shove up my own arse.

#Miffy is missing from her usual place by the Ijzijde of Amsterdam Centraal Station, as reimagined by myself.

I’m beginning to think that all those hours spent staring in vain at magic eye posters in Athena were wasted.

‘S toigh leam seo fhathast! #gaelic #gaidhlig #obhobh #seasaidhLexy youtu.be/YXAc1e6ByYE

When I was a child, if there was a Saturday when I was particularly grumpy about EVERY SINGLE THING ON EARTH I used to get given a spoonful of Calpol and sent for a nap, zero other choices given. 

I was once, and I quote “permanently banned” from a Yahoo group for responding to obsequious sycophancy by posting a link to a fake bbc news item in which the QM could outrun a Landrover and had to be taken indoors at a garden party after repeatedly saying “abort, retry, fail?”.

Tha mi aig sexy health clinic ann am meadhan a’ bhaile Glaschu. Gu math sexy ceart gu leor. #sexy #nhsscotland

Bart Simpson - If you don't watch the violence you'll never become desensitised to it.

14 years ago today, it was a moment in history, obviously, but it was the day I stood up to people not letting us sit down on the Rhodes town tour bus, because putting handbags down on seats so your husbands can fanny around is not okay in a Glasgow post office queue and it’s not okay there either.

I spent a long weekend in Austria at the end of March. Coincidence? Obviously #eurovision #austria 🇦🇹

Well I just wiped my YouTube history by fucking accident. For the love of Dog, someone please stun me.

There are foxes screaming obscenities at each other outside, can they not have sex in a more calm and dignified manner like the rest of us? 😅

Can I just casually say, in passing, Bulgarian wrestlers on Instagram. 🇧🇬 That’s is all. 🫡

It was the social in town today, but in all honesty I have never felt more remote.

As our dear, dear, beloved Gabrielle once said, well, she actually said it 9 times, dreams can come true. #silentduck #quackless

Just heard an ice cream van, nature is healing.

I had a great visit to Vienna, it was my turn to travel. He played me like a pinball machine, I lit up, paid out, and lots of tilting. Leaving again was gut wrenching, not just because I had to get up at 5 on the morning the clocks changed to catch my flight.

The cat is playing the children’s favourite game “but why”, which MUST have been the source of great heartache, trauma and indeed tragedy (not the Steps version). How many meows do you think it would take to find yourself completely detached from reality? youtu.be/UWWLwtMLWCI

Having a lovely trip to Vienna to visit Master :)

If this Ryanair flight should hit the Alps at any speed or if it goes up and completely out of the atmosphere then please please know that I loved a very specific subset of you x #Vienna

I am going to Vienna tomorrow.

I wish the VPN hardware would fail far more often because I had an amazing nap.

Okay so, Trump, BoJo and Bolsonaro; in a human centipede scenario, which one goes where? And this is different from Strike it Lucky, cause that was top/middle/bottom and in this game nobody ends up sexually assaulted and dead in a pool, even though Trump is in the game.

It is now a whole 9 years since meatball marinara gate.

At friend’s in darkest Peru (Ayrshire) for their 50th birthday.

See that “if you’re a homeowner in Scotland” advert, I wish she would just fuck completely off. Completely, totally, off. Or her mouth would seal like in The Matrix or that episode of Fringe.

Grey cat had the dreaded signs of cystitis this morning, eventually she had to be manhandled and drugged. So … I think she probably had a better Tuesday than the rest of us.

1 for a wish 2 for a kiss 3 for a disappointment 4 for silver 5 for gold 6 for a story never to be told 7 for tuna pasta bake 8 for customer support 9 for a team building exercise near Inverurie 10 for Hilary’s emails 11 for goatse 12 for Trump being a convicted rapist 13+ you are Tippi Hedren