To test your operational readiness, management have released a Tyrant class BOW into this facility. This is ONLY A TEST, and therefore does not trigger the death and dismemberment clause in your medical coverage.

So hungry you could eat a horse? Try the new Edible Mini-Horse from Umbrella Toronto. We've made horses smaller and juicier than ever before.

Whoever put Kumar's severed head on the east wing gate spike that is NOT FUNNY, Kumar said that's the one thing he didn't want to happen to his head.

don't drink the t-virus, don't bake the t-virus into cookies, don't stick the t-virus up your ass... this company used to be cool, man

rabbit but the ears are mouths [found on a discarded sticky note, unsigned]

its getting a lot harder to secretly supply governments with bioweapons since LinkedIn added "illegal bioweapon expert" to our profile tags

Blue Umbrella CEO Kay Benson would like to assure shareholders she has everything under control, that "waffles are delicious" and that the stockpile of guns in her office is cosmetic. She also noted that she does not hate trans people, stating "some of our best employees recently transformed."

Recently there have been several articles in the media suggesting issues of gender equality at our company. Rest assured that the small but powerful minorty of female and non-binary executives at Umbrella have just as many war crime allegations as their male colleagues.

does mutating with the g-virus make you a furry?

v.hapler (9:55pm): so they dug up the amber with the plagas parasite inside v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L

v.hapler (9:55pm): so they dug up the amber with the plagas parasite inside v.hapler (9:56pm): we were all set to extract it for testing v.hapler (9:58pm): but the ground crew messed up earlier tonight and damaged the amber with a wrecking ball v.hapler (10:14pm): it was a resin dent eve L

licker? i barely even know her! but yeah, in answer to your question, christine WAS killed and eaten

Rollout of Umbrella's new Gem That Makes You Evil has been so successful that we're expanding the range. Soon you will have access to: - Gem That Makes You Good At Sports -Gem That Makes You Hot -Gem That Makes You Respect Your Boss, and -Gem That Makes You Uncontrollably Defecate On Command

can skeleton be a zombie

b.benson: so the fake bee goes on the bee board and unlocks the bee key, but there's a real bee hidden with the key that will sting anyone who takes the key, and the bee is infected... with the t-virus? why y.jas: idk i think we were making honey moisturizer or bee guns or something

Senator, there is nothing strongly linking those creatures to our company; they could have gotten those Umbrella lab coats anywhere.

Tentacles entering the mouth is a staff medical issue, tentacles exiting the mouth is a company property issue

Dr Isaacs, these statements indicate you spent 63% of your operating budget on chandeliers and clone tubes, and that you requested a total write-off for a "slave-powered battle tank"

so it turns out that guy i had lunch with in the lab cafeteria with a few times was ALSO made of leeches #dating #men #STEM

Red herbal remedy (tablet form) has been recently recalled from sale due to a very small percentage of the tablet coating materials containing batrachotoxin. Full refunds are available for customers who do not suffer terminal cardiac arrest.

Thank you for calling the Umbrella Product Services Hotline. Your life is our lifeblood. If you have taken Nuvascol and are experiencing fingertip boils, please press 1.

As of COB on the 30th of June all queer zombies will be incinerated

is leon s kennedy related to john f kennedy

All our employees are flesh and blood, not AI. In fact, many of our staff members have described themselves as having "too much flesh" and stated "please help, there's more every day."

from: Daisy Wendt <[email protected]> re: Hot Desking at Colorado office Whoever used TI-15-045 last, there is a thin film of gritty mucus all over this workstation. Wet wipes are available in every kitchen! Also someone left their dog here (dead).

Due to the increasing risk of viral outbreaks, climate change, workers rights abuses, pandemics and other potentially damaging events, Umbrella will no longer be commissioning risk assessments.

FACILITY COMPROMISED. REMAIN CALM AND AT YOUR ASSIGNED WORKSTATION UNTIL ONE OF OUR PURGE TEAMS ARRIVE TO ASSIST EVACUATION.

Attn: To combat server load problems, 6 minute self-destruct timers will be limited to 2 minutes. Audible self-destruct warnings will now be limited to Umbrella Red subscribers.

Message to Health and Safety (08:47:02 06.14.2003): how am I supposed to [----] know whether my tongue split in two or I grew a new tongue? DOES IT MATTER???

Tomorrow's security code is your manager's birth date plus the number of bees killed in February's bee trials.

Retinal and fingerprint scans will be phased out due to the increasingly transient nature of eyes and fingers among Umbrella staff members.

You can't blame every death or outbreak at an isolated mansion on us. That one last week? Yes sure. Next week? Also yes, we have something in the pipeline. But two or three months from now? Unfortunately yes.

You can't blame every death or outbreak at an isolated mansion on us. That one last week? Yes sure. Next week? Also yes, we have something in the pipeline. But two or three months from now? Unfortunately yes.

the company says our health plan won't cover it because only my legs are zombie

the company says our health plan won't cover it because only my legs are zombie

Who are the real villains? The brave people building efficient and valuable organic death machines? Or the law enforcement thugs destroying the private property of honest American pharmaceutical businesses. Only the courts can decide.

Umbrella reminds all our loyal customers that governments are more of a suggestion than a rule.

Are you a proactive engineering professional? Do you welcome a challenge? Have you ever installed a flamethrower into the mouth of a statue? We're looking for our next build department superstar! Must have health insurance and strong bones.

I said "put the virus in two metal crates" not "put the virus into milkshakes"

The only Tyrants we support are expertly programmed and politically unbiased bioweapons.

Following today's press conference, there have been some discussions regarding our president's health. He has not succumbed to a zombie virus, he was just sleepy. Spreading rumours that the president was infected with a modified G-virus sample while on the toilet will lead to disciplinary action.

there's no evidence kissing the zombies spreads the virus

they assigned me to be the guy who kills all the child zombies before the media spots them

Message from IT: Please do not leave notes scattered around your workspace that say, for example "Remember the code to the upstairs file room is 2499, if you need to access the file room and grab the top secret server key, which we keep hidden there."

Umbrella is dedicated to taking things with faces and removing their faces, or putting faces onto things that didn't have a face. Our motto has always been that faces aren't where they should be.

tyrant feet pics

hey so how much blood can you lose before it becomes a real problem? just asking hypothetically

This Pride Month, draw a rainBOW 🌈 of protection over your loved ones with our biological weapon CIStems. New models already in TRANSit. 🥰❤️🤍❤️🤍 #pride #bigpharma

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The airtight containment cells in the underground lab are not for vaping, they are for liquefying the bones and flesh of mammals. Please respect the work we do.